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(emerges 3 hours later covered in blood) i figured out what emotion i was feeling

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doyoulovethewayzeylily

if you're really chill about a lot of stuff, you will eventually become The Person Who Can Be Told Things and unlock a secret extra layer of knowledge about your friends

wtf-scientific-papers

Wang and Lai (2014)

gemstone-gynoid

raccoonwithadream

POV: You are Captain James T. Kirk

powerbottombrucespringsteen

The thing is nobody at pride is evaluating you to determine if you’re queer enough to be there because they’re too busy thinking “it’s so hot out” and “why is this lemonade 12 dollars?”

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damazcuz

tip:

You can replace therapy with 10-14 hours of a game. But watch out.

fishpondfish

it is impossible to watch a movie. every night i think i want to watch a movie. no movie gets watched. because it's not possible

mousidy

and yet they keep making movies with the hopes that one day humanity will discover a way to watch them. it's so inspiring

productofaritual

Love character relationships that can only be described as "whatever the fuck these two have going on"

funishment-time

yea

baked-fish

I hate to say "some of you don't go outside," but fucking Christ, dude

hunbunqueen

Ouuhh I see the water it’s right there on the post,, I’m so thirsty ouyghhhhhw just one sip for me ooouuuuuu

baked-fish

Girl, what are you talking about? Are you feeling alright?

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pigswithwings

crushes dont exist they made those up for hanahaki disease

fairycosmos

big life tips dont be neurodivergent dont be poor dont get in any sort of situation and dont let yourself need or crave

fairycosmos

not getting good reports back on your progress with this guys

wholesomevampire

where are the lies.

hyumjim

Starting a collection

hyumjim

demilypyro

phone somehow autocorrected "the joker" to "the worker." why so devoid of class consciousness, batman

demilypyro

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wizardarchetypes

was trying to board a plane in dublin and i naively put a big giant fossil from the beach in my carry-on bc my checked luggage was so close to being overweight. the security person pulled my bag aside to search and they held it up to their coworker and said, "are you kidding me? who brings something like this?" so I said, "sorry, that's mine" and they looked embarrassed bc they didn't realize I was standing right there hahaha. they got more mild and said, "sorry, but you can't bring big rocks on airplanes. because you could, you know" (here they mimed bashing someone's head in with the rock) "bash someone's head in."

and i said "yeah well i definitely don't want to bash anyone's head in. but i understand." and then another passenger having their bag searched beside me was laughing like "did that even occur to you? bashing someone's head in?" and i was like i think we're all saying "bashing someone's head in" a lot right now. and getting really evocative about it for some reason.

audkitty

I went on a month-long excavation in Mongolia around 8 years ago, and 2 days before I was supposed to fly home I had gone to dinner where they accidentally ran my credit card for $100 more than they meant to. The compromise was to hand me change in the local currency. So the next day I spend all that money on souvenirs for my family.

At the airport I find out my bag is overweight.

The check-in lady doesn’t know English. I don’t know Mongolian.

I open my suitcase. I pull out my camping blanket. I pull out my body pillow (shaped like a 5-foot-long mahi mahi). I am still over the weight limit.

Through a translation app she suggests moving any textbooks into my carry-on.

I don’t have any books but I shuffle things around. I am still over the weight limit.

I reach into my bag. Pull out my tool kit with all my archaeology things. Pull out a hammer. Place it on the check in counter.

The lady looses it.

She can’t stop laughing at my Mary Poppins-like clown car of a suitcase.

Everything goes back into the bag except the hammer and the blanket. I am finally under the weight limit.

I fold the blanket and keep it in my arms. I slide the hammer over to her and smile. She starts laughing again, but takes my bag and waves me through.

I think about her sometimes, and wonder if she still thinks about the crazy American woman who brought a giant fish pillow and a hammer on vacation.

freakoutgirl

how to do things that everyone else seems to do no problem

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