Literally Appley Juice

[louder than everyone] MAN I THINK IT DEPENDS!

Victor Frankenstein after achieving the impossible and building a fucking person from scraps of the dead: Oh god, ew, ew it's ugly! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew! Ew! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew!

feng shui sabotage by placing thousands of tiny ball bearings in a bag under your couch you won't see them but you'll feel the clutter

had a dream that i brought a used paper towel roll back to the store to pay for it again because it was so useful. cashier was like "most people don't do this. you're a good person" true

stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. pick one sports team you hate and blame them for everything

usamerican soldier STUNNED into silence when he learns that his willing and paid participation in the murder and neocolonization of foreign people is a huge red flag to everyone with a conscience

we need italy back in the world cup. no one else sluts it up properly. why bother winning if you aren't going to reverse cowgirl your teammate on the pitch after

Girl whose most frequent mistake is inaction voice: wow I keep making mistakes I better not do anything

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

meows loud as fuck shattering all glass within 3 miles no survivors