Literally Appley Juice

This is stupid! Were you born yesterday? (the mayfly’s big limpid eyes fill with tears as it looks at me) oh god I’m so sorry oh no oh god

calling things "cutes" is so uh. what's a good word for when something is cute but slightly more cute

the word cutes is autological

you should be able to plug cables and shit into a basketball for no reason

changing my mind since nobody likes my idea my new idea is nobody should be able to do anything on earth at all

you can’t even move to a brand new city and teach yourself how to die in this economy

Sometimes in a professional setting you’ll come across someone in their 60s who just cannot open a PDF in their email. And the thing is. They’re lowkey not old enough to be acting like that. You guys were in your early 30s at the latest when email took off. You’ve actually been doing this for longer than I have. Get real and click on the damn attachment.

the two headed calf smoking twice as many marlboro red core packs as usual

im not a girl Unless ☝️ im being told to go piss

unfortunately the english were incapable of making it greenwich nicies time