Some Gay Bird

Imagine if one day you were given a choice: Become immortal and indestructible for eternity, unable to be harmed by anything ever again, and get to live forever.

However, in order to achieve that you must give up whatever your purpose in life is. Whatever it is that you were always meant to do, what you were supposed to contribute to the overall scheme and future of the life of the universe, your purpose… the whole reason you were even created, even born in the first place. You must give that up. You don’t know what that is. You’ll never know; But, regardless, you say yes.

Perhaps you assume you wouldn’t have made any sort of significant difference anyway. That butterfly effect theory or whatever they call it? Nah, you call bullshit. It doesn’t matter - you don’t matter, at least not to anything outside of your immediate connections - and it’ll all be fine, and you’ll just live forever with minimal (or maybe even no) consequences.

So, yay! You’re now immortal. You’ll never die or get hurt ever again. Wee!

But then, centuries and centuries later (not to mention that by this point you’ve gone through horrible heartbreak and misery and despair because every loved one you ever had, every friend you ever made, ever person you barely got to know, has passed away, died as you lived on long without them, helpless to do anything for them as you watched them perish, unable to ever go with them or ever see them again. But I digress), now, you learn you actually were important in the grand scheme of things. You were supposed to be a key factor in the world’s survival, long ago; but, because of the choice you made (immortality over individual purpose), you were never given the knowledge or awareness or resources or ability to save the world that you were always supposed to obtain, before you unknowingly made the wrongest choice to ever wrong.

Needless to say, you’ve fucked up big time.

The entire universe as we know it is destroyed soon after this horrifying revelation. It implodes, collapses in on itself, essentially forming a massive black hole or something. Stars, nebulae, galaxies, solar systems and planets, worlds and worlds of living people and things, and light-years of time and space and life, all sucked up into absolute, indefinite nothingness.

But you remain.

Just you. Floating amongst, spiraling around, rocketing through, suspended in… nothing. With a feeling of such unbelievable loneliness that your feeble brain can hardly perceive, can’t possibly hope to comprehend. Not only are you the only living thing left, you don’t even have one inanimate object to keep you company. You have literally. Nothing. And you are literally nowhere. I mean, technically, you are now the universe - if it would bring you petty comfort to think about it that way. You. Only you. With nothing, no one, nowhere. Forever. And ever. And ever.

All because you thought you didn’t matter. That you had no real, meaningful purpose. That you could never possibly make a difference.

But you did. And now look what you’ve gotten yourself into, you silly nugget. You’re gonna be pretty bored and lonely for that eternity, huh?

Or maybe it was out of selfishness. Maybe this wasn’t because you felt useless, but because you simply only cared about prolonging your own life and nothing else. Hm.

The moral here? Be selfless, and always know and remember that you matter.

Or else, one day, you might destroy the universe. And be left to suffer, and be tortured horribly and endlessly by the void of nothingness that has consumed you. With no way to escape. Ever.

Other moral because I got sidetracked from my initial point - all things considered, would you choose longevity over purpose? Immortality over meaning? 

OR, IDK, MAYBE SOME IDIOT JUST LAMINATED A STUPID PIECE OF PAPER TOWEL FOR NO GOOD REASON

AND MAYBE I SHOULDNT BE LOOKING FOR THE ANSWERS TO THE MEANING OF OUR SHORT, FRAGILE LIVES IN

A LAMINATED

PAPER

T OW E L

IDK MAN,

and the pages of that book

were made out of

laminated

I just remembered that this was a thing that was HILARIOUS in 2006 and apparently that was ten years ago now.

Old people: join with me in remembering how funny we found this on LiveJournal.

Young people: look at this lolrus, it’s so happy, it has a bucket.

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

omw to burger king gonna get the no whopper whopper who wants anything

🕷 gabrielmontezfuckingrocks

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCKV YKU FUCKG HUOU

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

suck my entire dick and balls

👑 shilo-bathory

Hello It’s Me Shilo Bathory Son ofthe Wueen hello 👋 what’s Is That There Is A Hand oon the Light Box Whose Hand Is that There Is A Tiny Man Inside The Lightbocx

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

you pressed the emoji button after typing hello see here i can do it too hello 👋

👑 shilo-bathory

Who Are Yoy Is This your Hand In The Light Box

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

why are you typing like a homestuck character

👑 shilo-bathory

Wghat is Home Suck

🦇 iamthevoid

The darkness is my only friend… my one constant companion in these long decades of breathless life…

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

edgelord alert

🦇 iamthevoid

Boy you have no idea what horrors I have seen. I have witnessed wars and massacres the likes of which would give you nightmares. You have seen nothing yet.

#darkness #my twisted mind #lonely #depression #no one understands #despair

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

@/iamthevoid stop typing like that youre clogging up my dashboard

🦇 iamthevoid

It’s what best suits my dark and twisted soul… if I even have one.

😈 phantom-flipper-official

who tf got peepaw a tumblr account

👑 shilo-bathory

Hello Emizel It Is me Shilo I Helped Arthur create a “tumblr blog” like You Did For Me ☺️ I Know How To Make The Smiley Faces now

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

👑 shilo-bathory

Emizel Hwo Is This Man inthe Lightt Box. Who is That

🦇 iamthevoid

Prince, I believe that is Keanu Reeves.

🗡 fromthetoprope

@/shilo-bathory Actually My Prince, that is Ben Affleck! He is an “actor.” I learned about him while watching the large light box!

👑 shilo-bathroy

grefgor

🥤 the-soda-man ✅✅

hey guys, i’m shutting this blog down. my soda addiction was getting really really bad, and i think it’s best i don’t post about vintage sodas anymore. i’m rebranding to the nalgene man

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

CONGRATS ON THE TRANSITION 🥳

🥤the-nalgene-man ✅✅

THANKS BRO YOURE MY NUMBER ONE ‼️‼️

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

the no whopper whopper is not worth the twenty five dollars

🕷 gabrielmontezfuckingrocks

YOU SUCK SO BAD

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

DUDE GET OFF MY DICK

🕷 gabrielmontezfuckingrocks

I’LL GET OFF YOUR DICK WHEN YOU GET OFF MINE

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

GUESS WERE GETTING OFF EACH OTHERS DICKS THEN

🦇 iamthevoid

I’m reporting this post for sexual content.

🕷 gabrielmontezfuckingrocks

WHATS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM YOU WANNA GET OFF MY DICK TOO

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

YOU CANT GET OFF HIS DICK YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING OFF MY DICK

🦇 iamthevoid

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

WHO SHIWED YOU HOW TO USE REACTION INAGES?????>?>?

👑 shilo-bathory

Emizel We Are Learning ☺️ Grefgor Knows All

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

whoever showed arthur homophobic dog im going to strangle you he wont stop saying “i know what you are” and “dont tell me youre one of them” whenever i do anything i was washing the blood out of my clothes at 2 in the morning and he passed by the bathroom and said “i dont think thats normal” im going to fucking rip his throat out

🦇 iamthevoid

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOR

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

WHY IS THIS GETTING NOTES

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

you guys HAVE to stop asking me about arthur hes not my fucking dad i was an orphan your assumptions are offensive im not related to him i called him peepaw AS A JOKE

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

i AM related to the other guy but thats not relevant

🦇 iamthevoid

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

WHO GAVE YUO MORE IMAGES

👑 shilo-bathory

His Arsenal Is Expanding ☺️

🦇 iamthevoid

What is a Tumblrina and why are the people in my inbox calling me one?

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

im gonna fucking kill myself

👑 shilo-bathory

Okay 🥳 See You when youu Come Back 😊🥰

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

Gabe: “You sucked me greatly and I turned into this. So imagine how powerful I’ll be when you BLOW me! …Came out weird” Emizel: “Why’s there so much sexual tension in the air” (picks up a rail) “I’M GONNA RAIL YOU” Gabe: “DUDE”

“Can I prepare an action to kill myself?”

Shilo: “It doesn’t need someone like him plunging it farther into the darkness.” Emizel: “Yeah. It needs someone like us plunging it further into the darkness.”

“‘I would never do that to you’ and he’s drooling a little bit” “‘Hey man why are you lookin’ at me like I’m Burger King’” “‘Sorry, sorry’”

“I’m like a week old man, I don’t understand anything”

Emizel: “Can you like let me know your whole life story?” Gabriel: “Yeah sure if you just sit down, just lie down face first and I’ll tell you” Emizel: “Normally I would actually do that but not this time”

Emizel: “You ever die?” Theo: “Um. No?”

charlie: “Whatcha getting at Burger King?” Emizel: “Blood”

Emizel: “Got that dog in me” Theo: “But now you’ve got like an angrier, bigger dog in you” Emizel: “Got that wolf in me. Rottweiler. Pitbull” Theo: “I’m more of an Usher guy”

“I can’t kill myself outta this one”

TMC: “I fear for this one” Shilo: “We all do” Emizel: “I don’t” Shilo: “I know”

“He frenched me so hard I lost my tongue” Arthur: “Been there (grizzly: “I don’t even know if that’s true”)

“It is in the baja past” (grizzly as Grefgor: “That was good, my prince”)

“‘I Dominate them. One billion points’”

“‘Shilo sleeps in the bathtub. And the pheasant is locked in the bathroom. There will be an encounter.’”

charlie: “:D” bizly/Shilo: “You are freaking me out”

(attempting to call Deacon) Arthur: “Do you keep hearing a beep?” Shilo: “Yes…” Arthur: “Then he must’ve answered. Give it to me”

“‘Stay in the house. Don’t go anywhere. Stay in the house. Don’t go anywhere. I’m staying in the house and I’m not going anywhere… IDEA!’ And I walk away.”

(Emizelified) “Peace… out… girl scout.” Viv: “I am not.” (ep 11)

(apologizing to the kid who burned him on the plane) “I’m sorry (you were born)”

Arthur: “I need to talk to the sheriff.” police front desk: “Uhhh, she’s out right now, is there something I can help with?” Arthur: “Um. I need to speak to the… secret sheriff?” (Arthur/grizzly, aside: “Does Deacon have a pronoun thing that I didn’t know?”)

A: “I’m just going to be straight-up: I can set vampires on fire with my mind.” E: “What the hell? Can you do it to me right now? Maybe not actually” A: “No I’d love to, you piss me off” (ep 11)

(gravelly voice) “Number one victory battle royale”

“Emizel, sometimes I say shit, man, I don’t even know what it means”

“I know I cut soda, but this is feelin’ like a Code Red”

E: “You’re like my right-hand man.” T: “You’re both my hands.” E: “Left and right?” T: “Left and right.” grizzly: “Do you wash those hands too?” T/charlie: “No.”

Emizel: “I died three times” Theo: “Oh, that’s cool. I kinda did too” (grizzly: “This is adorable”)

“That sounds way cooler than mine. I’ve watched people die”

“Watch me leap, my prince. Watch me jive. Watch me dougie, my prince”

“Tell me, my prince. Have you ever busted it down?” (Shilo: “Not in front of anyone…”)

“Through the tubes I’m draining I’m draining my prince”

“No one survives Grefgor’s elbow”

Shilo: “On a scale of 1 to 45—“ Grefgor: “Grefgor”

“Grefgor is holding back ninety percent of his full power at any given moment, my prince”

“Big day for Grefgor :)”

“I am only a one-to-one recording, my princes. No original thoughts”

Emizel: “Glad I didn’t save you for nothing” Grefgor: “Thank you, my prince. …What”

Deacon: “The sun.” Shilo: “The sun?” Deacon: “Yeah, shit’s hot.”

(to Arthur) “I’M GONNA EAT YA”

(at the sex motel) “Arthur, maybe that level one blood bond is more serious than we thought”

“I gotta go check in with the mayor.” (stops) “Oh, he exploded. Um”

“What in the tootin’ rootin’ shootin’ son of a fuck are you doin’ here son”

Deacon: “I’m required to do this. ‘Yuh.’” Shilo: “I’m not doing that. Good night, Deacon.” Deacon: “He’ll know.”

“It’s so early and you’re callin’ me about nabbin’ boys”

“Tell your leech friends I said hi”

Vex: “I’m gonna turn you into a meatball”

Vex: “Where do you think you’re going, little rat boy?” Emizel: “The fuck outta here, what the hell?!”

Vex: “You can’t hide from me in my domain. Or maybe you can. Where’d you go”

Vex: “Turn off the music, Viv” and the actual background music shuts off ???

Vex: “Yes, I loved him in Scooby-Doo, so I turned him into a Scooby-ghoul! Yes, a gooby-gooby-ghoul!” (ghoul starts beatboxing)

Vex: “Sculpted the perfect ass but then I fused the crack together!”

Emizel: “What’s next, a ballsack ghoul?” Vex: “Maybe.”

Vex: “Say what you’re here for, or I’m gonna turn into blood, and she’s gonna explode your ribcage, and it’s gonna be a whole thing. And then you’re gonna explode, and we’ll say, ‘We got him,’ and then you’ll fucking come out of nowhere again — naked for some reason — and run off into the sunset, and we’ll be like, ‘Goddammit, Shamiya Shamay,’ and then who knows how long it’ll be next time—“ (Emizel: “I’m naked now too, so like” Vex: “Oh, yeah. You stepped into the light a little more. I think you have a tick, by the way—“)

(whispering together) “But, brother—“ “But, sister!”

Vex: “Yeah, we wanna experiment on you, put you in a cage, zap you with volts and shit”

Vex: “Yeah we can super get weird with it—”

Emizel: “I’ll rip my arm off!” Vex: “Do it, do it, let me have it, do it in front of me, give me your arm! Gimme your fucking arm!”

Vex: “Just knowing— stop. Just knowing it’s out there hurts me. It hurts me a lot. And I’ve made some, mind you, weird fucking shit, so I’m honestly inclined to ask you a boon of you in return as a sort of the common courtesy in this Kindred society of ours, but I’m thinking about just fucking doing it. It’s just pissing me off!”

Arthur: “I love science” Viv: “Love this one already, brother” Vex: “He just said that”

Emizel: “You have to tell me something actually useful first” Vex: “No, I fucking don’t. You’re on a table, I could straight-up kill you. I could straight-up make your heart explode right now. I could just do it! And I’m just chill. I’m just being chill”

Vex: “You’re… stupid. That’s… stupid. I’m… what is this feeling? Is this… for the first time… disappointment? I’m gonna close your mouth like a zipper. ‘Cause it’s saying dumb shit.” Emizel: “I always do.”

Arthur: “So you’re a woman of logic” Viv: “Yes. And you’re a man of fugly”

“Maximum scientific hotness”

Viv: “I’ve built a lie detector into my brain. And it will automatically activate upon any lie, releasing a deadly gas inside this room programmed to kill everyone but myself. Nanomachines”

Vex: (seething) “That shit was hype”

“FUCK YOU” “FUCK YOU” “FUCK YOU”

G: “LOOKING FOR THIS??” (pulls out a gun) E: “Why the fuck did they give you a gun?!” G: “TO SHOOT PEOPLE!”

Edward: “It’s like a stake… through the heart.”

Edward: “Alright boys. Let’s get silly”

“WHAT ZE FUCK IS GOING ON??”

“Satan doesn't want me, God doesn't want me, but guess who fucking does? You, boys and girls! Let's fucking do this!”

“We are just trying to live, we're just trying to be ourselves and fucking eat people. I don't understand what the big deal is”

“Oh shit my fucking Apple watch, I died with it on”

“You will kill each other epic style!”

“See you in Hell. Not. I’m going to Heaven bitch.”