Ive Probably Gone A Bit Wild, And Its Okay @bird-goofle - Tumblr Blog

Me, following my mother’s (very green) parrot around with a bowl of salad: you should eat this instead of me. After all, you are what you eat.

#listen the grean beastie should eat her greens

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depsidase

antikate

I went to a clothes shop with my daughter yesterday and we were talking about how the clothes were nice but how it was the kind of shop that made us both feel like a horse. You know it’s like, here I am, a horse at a human clothing shop, putting on clothes that look ridiculous on a horse, and it’s obviously my fault for being a horse and not a human

Of course that sweater looks weird on me, I’m a horse, not a human! I can barely get my hooves through the sleeves, and it bunches up over my withers and doesn’t reach my fetlocks, and there’s no accounting for my hindquarters. Or my forequarters either

So then we started talking about horse shops and classifying clothes as for humans or for horses, and now I’m afraid the idea of the horse shop is permanently cemented in my vocabulary, and someone is going to ask me about clothes and I’ll be like “oh I can’t shop there it isn’t for horses” and it will be weird

#me during my recent quest to find a suitable swim top #had too-specific parameters and ended up paying out the nose because the 3 best options I had were stupid pricey #in my defense I wanted something that actively didn’t show off my chest thanks #to me this post is about gender issues <3

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

so strange when people assume 'waking up early' means increased productivity bc no??? im awake so i can read fanfic in bed before breakdown breakfast

#the problem with this hellsite is when I find posts that call me out too much #it’s just plain rude (affectionate)

cleo-fox

Writing tips:

“You feel the bulge in his pants” - implies that you are feeling some guy’s penis, may be sexy depending on context

“You feel the bugle in his pants” - implies that this guy has a military horn in his pants, invites confusing questions like why does he have that and how big are his pockets

maple-seed

Both options convey that he's horny

cleo-fox

How dare you be funnier than me on my own post

#affectionate reminder to check spellings #for precisely this reason #I’ve been known to ask for clarification

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adurot

I have just learned that Mountain Goats are NOT, in fact, actual Goats.

adurot

I have never heard of this band. I AM in fact referring to the animal.

adurot

But wait, there’s more!

adurot

#images #if I may also recommend #look up chicken of the woods #since we were already on the topic of chickens

cupcraft

You never know what color pallette someone's Tumblr is till ppl are screenshotting posts and tags

aropride

do u like mine

cupcraft

Oh wow.

cupcraft

Some people on tumblr are reading ancient scrolls and you'd never know

#posts that prompted me to click through the settings menu again

grenadineghost

you want to be mommy’s adjective noun, don’t you, pet name? you want to verb and verb for mommy like a good gender

alhyastarain

you want to be mommy's weird potato, don't you, Brian? you want to skip and somersault like a good jester

#going to start subjecting my friends to smutty posts madlibs every time I see them #this plan clearly has zero downsides and will make my friends love me forever and ever

The fun thing about having a 16-year-old car is that there’s a short somewhere in the binary for the fuel gauge display which makes the lights that were on turn off, and vice versa. So I’ll be running low on gas and the fuel gauge will be like “it may be smart to refuel sometime soon, :)” right up until I roll over a singular pebble and it switches to “jolly good, you’ve go so much air in there you should just figure out how to use that for fuel” and I think that’s beautiful

#what I really need is a magic 8 ball for my fuel gauge #listen I love my car it’s a great car it just also happens to have the least useful quirks

starrynet

what’s your favorite ship?

titanic

hms terror

uss enterprise

ever given (the container ship that blocked the suez canal in 2021)

captain ahab’s whaling vessel

ship of theseus

battleship monopoly token

mclennon

Voting ended onJul 14

#of these? ship of theseus #this is Demeter and prydwen and Edmund Fitzgerald erasure though #and the Italian one (amerigo vespucci?) that got called ‘the most beautiful ship’ at least twice #oh and the one from Becky Chambers’ novels

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chainmail-butch

Hi, its me. The warmest creature in the world. I love you. Im the warmest creature in the world and I love you so much and I need to be in your lap right now. Yes, I know about the heat wave. That's okay though because I was already the warmest creature in the world so I don't mind. I love you and you need to let me sleep in your lap right now. I'm soooo warm and I love you sooo much. If you say no you'll be saying no to a thing that love you. Let me sleep in your lap. When I fall asleep I get warmer. I love you

#my dog last Thursday when she decided she needed to be on my lap in the sun

marshmiillow

A character ref sheet i did for my good friend!! Had a lot of fun with the design process of this one, making a humanoid pigeon goose turns out to be a very silly endeavour

#art from friend!#it’s my beloved pigeoose!#they’re being added to my collection of wild (affectionate) bird art :)

bird-goofle

My 4-year-old niece: so we’re playing Cinderella and I’m the princess-

Me, hearing this from the kitchen and running to grab the first shoe I see: oh no! My lady! You seem to have lost your glass slipper! Now you must try on every shoe in the kingdom- oh no, that one is much too large, isn’t it?

My niece, baffled: uhh… yeah?

Me, running to grab more shoes: how about these? You must try these on!

bird-goofle

She’s also seen A New Hope recently, so she’s absolutely obsessed with being Leia but as a damsel in distress (her father is understandably disgruntled by this) but she only really knows the main protagonists of the original trilogy and refuses to learn the names of any of the villains. So I spent the weekend offering the names of other random Star Wars characters who she thinks im making up, and then yesterday morning greeted her in a baby yoda shirt which got me the most upset but jubilant “wait you know Star Wars too???”

#the real trick will be showing up on her birthday weekend next month with a crocheted lightsaber #hmmm actually that sounds like the best birthday gift ever #might have to make a couple so we can battle

My 4-year-old niece: so we’re playing Cinderella and I’m the princess-

Me, hearing this from the kitchen and running to grab the first shoe I see: oh no! My lady! You seem to have lost your glass slipper! Now you must try on every shoe in the kingdom- oh no, that one is much too large, isn’t it?

My niece, baffled: uhh… yeah?

Me, running to grab more shoes: how about these? You must try these on!

#yesterday morning was… entertaining #children are fun to mess with though

Every once in a while I remember that my music taste is mine alone, and I get real smug about it for a few minutes just because I can

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biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

sad how when westerners say "pickle" it's almost always shorthand for "pickled cucumber" which is the most Mediocre and Disappointing of all the bountiful beauteous possibilities of pickled vegetables...

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

pickled onions. pickled garlic. pickled peppers. pickled okra. pickled daikon. pickled asparagus. pickled beets. pickled ginger. pickled brussel sprouts. pickled mushrooms, pickled eggs, pickled cabbage, pickled corn. pickled watermelon! the opportunities were vast and unceasing!!!!!!

instead they chose a filler vegetable that has all the charisma of a cantaloupe staging a hostile takeover of a fruit salad 😞

#hard agree with you that (unpickled) cucumbers have the charisma of a cantaloupe #however #a proper pickling brine is the one and only way to redeem them #pickled alliums remain the superior genre of pickles though

elgreytea

What are you reading rn, why are you reading it, and what format are you reading it in (physical book, ereader, on your phone etc)

#seconding the person who said this post #also Quo Vadis? which is hardcover and because I’m enjoying someone else’s annotations in there

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Ive Probably Gone A Bit Wild, And Its Okay