god put me on this earth to infiltrate male dominated sports spaces and talk about gay sex
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@bikter
god put me on this earth to infiltrate male dominated sports spaces and talk about gay sex

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actually it isn't Shane who is a nag and insits on certain rules around their home. it is Ilya with his slavic heritage and superstitions who comes up with one rule after another.
- no outdoor shoes inside. Ilya tried to play it cool for long enough, but he is over 30 now, he has no patience for mess anymore and his mama was right. Ilya gets Shane some expensive personalised adidas slippers & he is the guy who provides guest slippers
- no whistling inside. never. especially if it's hayden. he won't be the reason Ilya will lose another sports bet.
- if one of them leaves the house they don't go back inside home if they forgot something. he is very serious about thst one. once shane went back inside because he forgot to pack his gloves and they lost a game afterwards and Ilya insists this was just because Shane refused to get new gloves from the equipment department (and it was not at all because a little barren spell)
- No empty bottles on the table and that applies to protein shake bottles too, Shane! That's bad luck.
- Only odd numbers of flowers in a bouquet. Ilya panics as he realises Shane bought twenty tulips for Yuna for mother's day and makes Shane pull over so he can pick five wild flowers and add them to the bouquet.
- No sitting in an air current between opened windows because they WILL get sick. Ilya had to pick up Shane and sit him down somewhere else a few times.
anyone wanna walk with me and take into consideration ilya having a banya built at the cottage
it’s a way for him to sneak a piece of russian culture into canada without the heavy implications so many russian things carry for him
he and shane take time to learn to build the fire properly and to keep the temperature and humidity right, they learn about the venik - a tied bouquet of oak branches with leaves used for massages and fanning and directing the hot air, they have a cold plunge bath built too, to reap all the benefits of this ritual
it’s a brilliant way for them to unwind after hockey, muscles relaxing, blood flow increasing, mind resting
…and on the flipside, since they’re them, they also find a way to have steamy narsty sexual experiences in the banya. oh and the venik??? SOMEONE’S getting whipped with it one way or the other
Ilya, face flushed, eyes glossed over, during sex: Я бы отдал всё, чтобы просыпаться рядом с тобой каждое утро. Ты ангел, посланный мне. Ты прекрасивый. Ты для меня самое драгоценное.
Shane, flustered: fuck fuck yess i love it when you’re talking filthy to me in russian when we fuck that’s soo hot!! now tell me how tight my hole is, tell me how much you love it!!
Hollanov freak4freak in the Cens locker room:
When Lisa has a bad shift at work and suddenly has Wyatt planning how he wants to be buried/his funeral and Shane and Ilya both decide when they die (at the same time) they will be sharing a coffin. Or even better going full Classics mode and mixing their ashes together. They declare this out loud then return to stick taping.
Shane calling Lisa to ask if they (doctors) would do elective surgery to transplant their bones into each other on speaker phone. Ilya is beaming.
Shane watching Ilya tape his stick. Ilya who only developed his “way” of taping his stick post 2017 All Stars when he saw how Shane did it. They match. Shane acts like Ilya is performing a strip tease.
Ilya hearing Shane talk to the new Russian rookie in Russian, talking abt how if he ever needs anything to call Shane and/or Ilya. He knows how isolating it can be etc etc. Ilya finds it sweet but is irrationally possessive about Shane speaking Russian to anyone else ever.
Ofc they’re compatible blood types and at some point Shane discovers some new “health spa” thing that does private blood transfusions. He books an appointment for him and Ilya. On full volume on his headphones in the middle of the gym. The Ducklings (younger players) are now convinced Shane and Ilya are vampires. When they try to bring it up to anyone else Bood asks Ilya and Ilya beams and goes “we switched blood”. The same voice and tone as “we got Anya a little sister” after a long weekend where they acquired a kitten.

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whenever someone draws shane hollander as a twink… describes his muscles as anything but bulging …. his cock as anything but thick and girthy… an angel loses its wings
there’s this belief that ilya is the bottom in their relationship and it doesn’t help he’s so flamboyant and there’s this joke around “he’s gay or european?” which is obviously based on nothing but stereotypes. shane is always carrying ilya’s stuff, and holding ilya’s waist and ilya is always sitting on shane’s lap and doesn’t help at all he’s always making shane’s plate at the gatherings. and one time shane fixed a pipe at one of the centaurs house and the wags spread the story around so people really just assume that shane is the “man” of the house. the thing is that ilya and shane never share, confirm or denies what happens in their private lives. their dynamics is for them only and rose landry
I do think that Shane is waaaay too much of a realist to believe in soulmates HOWEVER he 100% secretly believes that he and Ilya will die of old age at the exact same time while holding hands and that their souls will be forever intertwined beyond life and death. So mark that down.
Shane getting criticized for not using pride tape and he’s caught on a mic later that week saying I didn’t realize it wasn’t the sucking dick that made me gay but the rainbow . Which is how he comes out.
@persimmony-snicket EXACTLYYYY

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MyShane was DEVASTATED when "Ilya Rozanov Best Hits Compilation" by Hockey_Guy435423 disappeared due to copyright claims. It only had like 200 views and 100 of them were Shane watching with his dick in his hand.
There are others from SportsNet and ESPN but that one just had a certain je n'ais ce quoi that got Shane going. Shane DMs Hockey_Guy435423 but doesn't hear back and goes on a deep dive trying to figure out if there's a way to recover deleted youtube videos and he never does but it's okay because in the process he finds like 5 more Ilya Rozanov fight compilation videos from small creators. He meticulously downloads these to a special folder just in case and adds them to the regular rotation.
hollanov honeymoon scenes
Ilya never gets dementia. He worries about it, with his genetic predisposition and his frequent head injuries. But he never gets it.
His brother does.
His brother calls him, forgetting that Ilya went no-contact with him. Ilya's silent on the phone, listening to Alexei's wife softly explain it to him and take the phone.
He texts Ilya, asking when where he is. Asking who he's playing next game.
Ilya's been retired for over 20 years.
He knows Shane wants to say something, but he never does. He's just quietly supportive.
One day, it's Alexei's wife that calls him. She apologizes for calling. She tells him Alexei doesn't remember her anymore. Or their daughter. He only asks about Ilya and their parents. She offers to delete Ilya's number from his phone.
Ilya declines.
After that, he starts answering the phone. And talking.
Alexei asks where he is. Ilya tells him he's coming home soon. That seems to make Alexei happy.
Alexei asks who Ilya is playing. Ilya says Montreal. Alexei tells him to win or papa will be angry.
Alexei tells him mama made him soup. Ilya tells him that was his daughter. Alexei laughs, he doesn't have a daughter.
He doesn't remember how cruel he was to Ilya. He doesn't remember how much he loved drugs and drinking.
He was so much like Ilya's Alexei, before he started taking after their father. Before he let his anger at their mother consume him. Before he caught Ilya and Sasha and allowed his fear for his little brother to turn into anger and disgust.
One day Ilya offers his wife, Natalia, to have them visit. Their daughter has visited more than once, even stayed with them for a summer after high school. His and Shane's kids tried to teach her hockey.
Natalia regretfully tells him Alexei is not well enough to travel.
Ilya can't travel to them, not while he's married to Shane.
But their phone calls are enough.
About once a week, he gets to speak to a version of his brother than he had dearly missed. He gets to talk about his mama like she's still live, not dead for over 50 years. He gets to talk about the rink he and Alexei used to play hockey at. To talk about the stray cat he and Alexei once hid in their bedroom for a week.
He finds himself looking forward to the phone calls.
And dearly missing when they end.
In 2002 Ilya hears about Russian figure skater Plushenko claiming competitor Yagudin put a curse on Plushenko get an Olympic Gold medal (an thing irl that they alleged happened)
Anyways, though Ilya isn’t super religious, he probably got so spooked about his own athletic career that he started to going to chuch again with Irina for like a solid like couple months
the thing about shane is that he goes for the throat without even knowing it

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ILYAWEEK DAY 3, favorite quote: heated rivalry, chapter 27
people don’t enjoy shipping anymore. the point of shipping isn’t the catharsis of watching them kiss onscreen, it’s grabbing the characters and mashing their faces together like you’re five years old playing Barbie in your room again. it’s to take one moment of eye contact in canon and read that over and over and over again with twenty different writers’ interpretations of the characters internal monologues if they were in love. it’s to see the characters interact and cheer because you know that’s another moment to add to your list of canon compliant fic ideas. you’re stressing yourself out, this is supposed to be fun!