i call to my children on christmas morning and they all snap their legs running down our ribcage stairs

the OSHA inspector takes one look at this and starts strangling the architect with his bare hands

Looking at this broke both of my ankles

Old Tumblr post layout with a lot of reblogs

It really is tbh

"why do you want this job" i literally don't

Does anyone know what to do

you cannot be putting two white guys with the same haircolor in the same movie how am i fuckin supposed to tell whos who what is this spot the difference

why do some companies send whole emails just to say someone opened your resume. what use is this information to me. i opened a jug of orange juice this morning and i didnt feel the need to alert tropicana

sorry for accidentally phrasing this exactly like a seinfeld bit

It matters because I gave it meaning bitch

do u ever miss your own energy. like damn what happened to me

the grocery store should be open 24/7 but they should let the employees go home and just trust us