..͙۪۪̥˚┊❛ mila❜┊˚ ͙۪۪̥◌

Everything about him is foggy, you don't remember much about him. You didn't hit your head and loose your memories. That wasn't the case at all. Your body decided one day to just..let him go.

You didn't know how it was like for him. You can only think for yourself. Feel for yourself. Right? I mean the years of friendships. It didn't matter as long as you guys could be there for each other. Help one another, support each other.

Right?

Then why? Why does it hurt so bad to think to him?

To see him everywhere now. On posters, magazines, even the fucking radio. He was just..everywhere.

It's like you couldn't escape him, like the universe wants you to remember what you could never have. No matter how hard you tried.

The worst part of it - he didn't do anything wrong.

Right person wrong time, one would say.

You didn't want to believe until it happened. It hurts. It hurts so fucking bad and you didn't know what to do with all the pain that was seeping out of your chest. Clutching it as if it would even soothe it the ache.

You just miss him.

You just miss Ray.

Ray's fingers worked on the guitar like it was made for him. He was in record studio and invited you over. You guys were sitting side by side on the chairs. Strumming tunes one could not even think about so easily. You watched as he was in his own bubble. Making tunes for their first album. The stress was there, don't get it wrong. However he just makes it effortless.

"Hey, do you think that sounds good?"

Ray's voice broke your attention on his hands.

"Huh? What? Yeah! I mean, I don't know much about music but- it sounds amazing, Ray. The album is gonna be amazing. I can see that already."

You gave him an awkward thumbs up, feeling a little flustered at the small little smile he gave to you. He lets out a soft chuckle at your response.

"You *sure* you were listening to me play? Or were you thinking about something else?"

You punched his shoulder lightly before shaking your head.

"Don't flatter yourself Mr Toro."

Ray punched your shoulder back lightly with a laugh of his own.

"How can I when I have someone like you who is doing that all for me. Hm?"

You looked down at your lap, trying to hide your smile.

Watching him perform for the first time. It was, insane. In a good way. He was playing as if he wouldn't be allowed to touch the instrument once again. Like he was running out of time. It was insane. You couldn't form words on what you were looking at- you didn't understand how someone like him even exist. He was meant to perform for everyone. If anything you felt nothing but excitement to see what is in store for them all.

Time passed, you guys were getting older. The first album did well- way too well. However, when Three Cheers came out - oh, they were overnight sensations. You were still there for it all, you and Ray got closer overtime as well. Somehow friendship slowly turned into more, his fingers would brush over your when you guys stood side by side backstage. Hugs lingered a little bit longer. He would find you in any crowded room and just stand beside you.

If crowds were too much when leaving certain venues. Ray's hand would either be holding yours or be on your lower back. One hotel room would always be empty because you would be in each other's room.

You didn't know how it even came about, but one lead to another and his lips was on yours after a performance.

Backstage, he just finished his performance and he was still holding his guitar. Ray's arm around your waist and he kissed you.

Just like that.

You kissed him back, giggling into it- you were together now. You guys just knew.

The kiss was loving, comforting- it made you melt against him.

It was meant to be. Y'know?

And you thought-

Just for that moment, everything was alright.

Like nothing could hurt you anymore.

You were happy, so fucking happy.

There's a whole other world for celebrities, singers, actors - whatever.

It is not the same as what you know from watching movies, shows or in books. This is way more different.

-way more real.

Expectations were something the band always had in mind. Not only for fans but for themselves. To be better, to practice hard till playing the chords was second nature to them. They were working themselves to the bone. You were there for them all, especially for Ray. Staying at the studio together with him, checking on him, supporting him in any way you can.

Watching him becoming a muse to many people, his sense and love for music, becoming bigger- collaborations, events his bands would go too. Everything was just getting bigger.

The gap between the both of you was getting bigger as well.

It just seems like you were the only one who knew about this never ending gap. You reached out, you really did try to reach out and meet him in the middle or wherever he was in life but you just couldn't.

You felt his fingers slowly slip from your hold. You tried to hold on a little longer but you just..couldn't.

Missed calls, spending time with you, messages left unopened. It was all too much for you to bare. That was the start of seeing him everywhere- but never by your side. You kept asking yourself-

What did I do wrong.

Was I not enough for him anymore?

What are we even? There was no, label..relationship..just..something..

The moment that you realised you weren't really needed anymore, was seeing him at an event with his friends and band.

It was their first award win. The band was over the moon with the win, they couldn't believe it- from working in the attic to winning an award for best band on the planet. They were making big steps.

And you weren't there to see that.

Instead you watch on your television, watching the host announce that they won, seeing them like a fly on the fucking wall. Ray didn't tell you that the band got nominated. No-

Instead you found out about it through socials. You messages him a little message, congratulating him but - as usual, no reply.

You still care for him..

maybe loved him-

You cried to yourself as you saw them on stage, thanking the people in their life. Crying from being happy for them or crying because you realised that you weren't as important anymore.

That now Ray is just a person from the past.

And you were a person from his past as well.

There was no denying it any longer. You took the remote for the television and turned it off.

Ray was just the past.

A bittersweet memory.

2013.

My Chemical Romance did their final bow to their beloved fans.

The news spread like crazy- people upset, yet understanding of the break up. Happy to have grown with them - their songs and the band still talked about even after everything.

You were in your room, a little older now, you don't read much about them anymore but the news surprised you. You moved on though. Ray Toro wasn't someone you cherished as much. However, you did think about how he was feeling.

You shook your head, closing the laptop you were reading about them on, and left the room to get yourself something to snack on.

Your phone lit up, and there was a notification.

Unknown number.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I miss you, call me.

ooo pick your ending!! i hope this was okay?? at least! its genuinely so hard to write about Ray because im so used to writing for frank, illi and gerard- but I hope this was okay!! thank you for your request anon!! ilysm! stay hydrated !!