I will put sugar in your marmalade

“what the fuck is this”

“i have anemia”

“you disgust me here take these iron supplements”

“where did you even get th—”

“that’s not necessary”

“maybe we should work on a dietary plan with foods rich in iron and other things for you”

ME: Oh my god, first of all stop using text speak, you told me you were 278, second how did you know where I LIVED, third yes I got it.

VAMPIREDUDE: heard onions were good 4 blood, eat lots

ME: So you can have a tasty meal? I guess you’d rather I stay away from garlic, huh.

VAMPIREDUDE: UR being v rude I just got u a present!!!

The White Serpent and the children

A poor woman lived on a farm with her small children.  Everyday she left them at home while she went to work on the fields. Before she left, she poured them a large bowl of milk, so they wouldn’t be hungry. They always ate everything and mother praised them for being good. Then one day the children said: “We are not eating by ourselves, a beautiful little bird comes and eats with us.” The mother wondered about this tale of the little white bird. Perhaps it was a cat coming to eat with the children, she thought. Then she decided to see for herself. As was her custom, she put a bowl of milk into the hallway and then waited hidden in the broom cupboard.

Soon a white serpent came sliding from under the table and onto the lap of the youngest child. The mother froze with fear, and watched helplessly as the children gently stroked it. When the serpent had eaten her fill, she shook the crown from her head, and vanished into the hole under the table. The mother jumped out of her hiding place and took the children away to safety. She did not forget to pick up the crown and put it away into the chest where the flax yarn was kept. 

When the winter came the grandfather began winding the yarn. No matter how long he wound the yarn, there was still more yarn in the chest. The woman wondered: ”What could this be? Perhaps it is the power of the crown? So they put the crown into the wheat store. They took out measure after measure of wheat, there was still more wheat left. So they put the little crown among all the other produce, and in a short time the farm became the wealthiest in the village.

The family, that had treated the white serpent with kindness, kept the crown as long as they lived in the house.

All-New Captain America #3 (2015)

Me: omg I know

Boy: are you a lesbian?

Me: I can recognize that women are good looking and I can appreciate them without having to be gay. I think that regardless of your gender, you can see when another person, regardless of their gender, looks good. I’m sorry that you are conditioned to think that recognizing the beauty of another human being defines your sexuality.