it's all about the game!

my cock? completely soft sorry. like a small fuzzy animal in fact. it's asleep; you can pet it but be very gentle. see how it twitched? i think it's dreaming…

they're making a Chris Hansen biopic with Robert Pattinson in it....

robert Pattinson voice: my hungry ass will eat just about anything

[steals your baby immediately after his birth][raises him][trains him in the ways of an ancient martial art invented by cormorant fishers in 700 ad for 13 years][enters him in a tournament][he loses in 4 rounds] ok whatever. you can have him back

ok thanks [gives him estrogen][treats her like a human][helps her learn her worth][she knows now she can be whatever she wants][suddenly she wants to be world champion][enters her in a tournament][she wins in the first round but is immediately disqualified for male advantage (its coed)]

Tattoo that says "Bpm" over a sound wave but when seen upside down it says "Bbw" and the sound wave is actually a silhouette of a fat woman lying on her back

the stingrays at the touch tank just now were acting pretty cautious around the people reaching in, getting really close but staying juuuust too far for anyone to touch, and this ten year old boy in a fnaf tshirt told me, exasperated, "the stingrays are ragebaiting us!!"

gotta love people immediately backpedaling when they realise that there are Consequences To Being Mean

I genuinely believe that part of why it has become so normalized to be openly callous and evil in politics is that customer service culture has trained affluent people that they can treat everyone they consider beneath them however they want and still be treated kindly.