Nap Paladin @protobutch - Tumblr Blog

Trying to maintain my swagful whimsy and optimism rn in the face of an anti-whimsy society

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scaryhagmother

White people be like: I have to take my french bulldog to the chiropractor

scaryhagmother

White people be like: I have to take my elderly cat to acupuncture

giragirameganedan

oreamnos-of-the-cliffs

can i come over and stare at you like this

cheddar-baby

Domming a guy i hate and convincing him good puppies like to be named Hubert then getting his name legally changed to Hubert then ghosting him

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sentient-tent

This is Tie, she is going to eat all of the notes

sentient-tent

reblog to feed her notes

elodieunderglass

How is she doing this

bagofbonesmp3

they're making a Chris Hansen biopic with Robert Pattinson in it....

bagofbonesmp3

robert Pattinson voice: my hungry ass will eat just about anything

clockoftheheart

thank you journalism

pronouncingitwang

[ID: 2 screenshots of interview text. The first reads

PLAYBOY: Do you ever get tired of talking about your friendship with Matt?

AFFLECK: I understand the questions. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, they're friends, they're pals, they grew up together, isn't it great and cute? I get all kinds of questions, like, "So how's Matt?" or "What's Matt like?" And I don't know what sort of answers are expected.

Instead of saying Matt's fine and he's doing his thing, I'II be like, "Well, let me tell you about Matt. Matt can give a blow job in a way that's incredible, really special." Most of the time it's like Entertainment Tonight, and they can't air it. But then sometimes you think you're safe, but someone writes it down and it ends up being taken out of context in Out magazine.

PLAYBOY: Does Matt ever get pissed off about that?

AFFLECK: Matt gets it. We have a similar sense of humor, which I think is the main reason we're compatible as friends and in terms of writing. He always thinks it's funny. It's just a question of the rest of them.

PLAYBOY: Let's see if you've learned your lesson: What is Matt Damon really like?

AFFLECK: [Laughs] He gives a really great blow job.

The second reads

PLAYBOY: In his 1999 Playboy Interview, Affleck jokingly said of you, "He gives a really great blow job." Care to return the compliment?

DAMON: I do give great head. I definitely give a better blow job than Ben. I mean, I'm not lucky enough to be able to blow myself, but if I could, I'd never leave the house.

/end ID]

beesmygod

[steals your baby immediately after his birth][raises him][trains him in the ways of an ancient martial art invented by cormorant fishers in 700 ad for 13 years][enters him in a tournament][he loses in 4 rounds] ok whatever. you can have him back

johnnyspringgreens

ok thanks [gives him estrogen][treats her like a human][helps her learn her worth][she knows now she can be whatever she wants][suddenly she wants to be world champion][enters her in a tournament][she wins in the first round but is immediately disqualified for male advantage (its coed)]

trix-the-artemis

For context,

Torment Nexus : "an idea that is so bad and dangerous in theory and practice that its indistinguishable from capitalist satire".

Luddite event : After the creation of textile machines (which produced fabric at a lower quality but faster rate while being dangerous to operate), textile mills fired a huge amount of their workforce leading to the remaining workers becoming overworked. A Luddite event thus in this context is "an innovation that is exaggerated to excuse mistreatment of the workforce".

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dogpuppy

angelicguy

guy left at work today and someone replied to his goodbye email with this

psychotic-gerard

give it up for girls with vaginas and boys with penises

psychotic-gerard

pause i forgot cis people exist this was intended as a celebration of bottom surgery

parkayquarts

mary shelley wrote a wholesome story about a young medical student trying to find his lost homunculus in the alps

fungicidecarhorn64ad

Litterly not a homunculus Frankenstein didn't cum into a bottle to make him

parkayquarts

you don't know that

cappyclementine

Heard the quaker oats guy is running a fuck a fan contest!

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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qcharlie

i wish we were able to talk about women's rights without someone mentioning how much they do or don't want to have sex with them. i don't care if you're a lesbian Stop finding worth in women purely from their perceived attractiveness

qcharlie

"I think women should not be expected to shave for societal respect / to avoid discrimination" "yeah🤤 i love bush" ok well that's not what we're talking about is it.

qcharlie

i hate how many posts about trans women deserving respect always devolve into "I love girldick" or "trans rights but I don't want to date a trans person" because that's entirely unrelated to the topic at hand. you should not respond to feminism with "YESSS I loveeee you because I see you as nothing but a sex object" you people sound like other men I get stuck talking with that end up saying "free the nipple so I can see boobies in public" and thinking they're feminists. why can't we just respect women regardless of your attraction to them or not. why does it need to be brought up in every conversation regarding their rights

b0nkcreat

playing Golf taints your soul

b0nkcreat

Mini golf is fine itdoesnt count ✅yup

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