But I don't wanna

*gets dressed up to spend time in the woods alone*

once at dawn i dressed up in my regency suit and went for a walk in the woods where i heard someone go “oh” (a little like a moan) and i got terrified i’d interrupted someone dogging or something so i immediately tried to walk away before i saw the person in question, who was just walking their dog (dogging in a sense!) and i got even more scared because they were wearing black skinny jeans and a black hoodie so they looked like they had very long slender arms and legs, and both of us were really shaken so i quickly tried to get out of sight. anyway i forgot i was wearing full 1810s regencywear complete with hat and probably looked significantly more like a ghost than they did. remember you’re never alone in the woods

imagine walking your dog in the woods and seeing an obvious Regency-era ghost notice you and bolt out of sight, visibly shaken

I’m CRYING this is hilarious

Alright, everybody find their caves.

Wait! I can change! *grotesquely transforms into a snarling ghoul*

[me, fumbling a social interaction] oh lovely. another haunting addition to the collection

Do we have a franz kafka diary entry for july 1st, i want to know what he thinks!!!

to make it more lynchian can't you read

And the wisest monk said "young one, you reject the unenlightened ways of Hazbin Hotel, but not three years ago, I recall you posting twink Wheatley in great enthusiasm. You must not hate what you discard on the path to enlightenment. All of our old selves are within us, and we must imagine them lezzing out."

99% of queer discourse stops right before they define the true difference between bisexual and pansexual!

*street shot of zohran mamdani clad in nasty lil suit and hard hat* five months ago i was elected mayor of new york city. in that time, we have managed to COMPLETELY defeat the Staten Island Minotaur at no additional cost to the new york taxpayer

why does my mother suddenly fail kindergarten whenever she tries to do anything on the computer

I know she doesn't know what "the maximise button" is so I told her "click the square at the top right" and she clicked...the printer icon...in the middle of the toolbar. and I'm just like okay. this isn't a technology thing you are flunking basic shapes and directions. I'm turning off your computer and getting you a block puzzle. you have a master's degree

watching my promised afternoon thunderstorm slip from a 90% chance to a 20% chance.... baby come back i can change

im so sorry that you're doomed by the narrative but i really need you to answer my message on Microsoft Teams

My maybe outdated old person unpopular opinion is that podcasts have no business being video instead of just audio