you drool in your sleep

imagine roughly a million people realizing "yeah we could storm a government facility and they literally would not be able to stop us all" and not using that knowledge to overthrow the government

Why do men think they can look at me? Like this body.... this identity.....is not for you!

you ever been 2 seconds from a psychotic break because you cant get a necklace hooked

yeah it’s amazing that Tom Holland is apparently open to the idea of gay Spider-Man but we can’t forget Andrew Garfield who literally was fired for the fact he wanted Peter Parker to be bi with Michael B Jordan as MJ, like do not forget the man who fell so Tom Holland could fly

im too much of a baby for tinder i wanna meet people the old fashioned way where we’re both on either side of a fish tank and notice each other thru the water… 

So it turns out that there’s a species on a planet 30 billion light years from here that’s actually God’s favourite. We’re not even in the top trillion, apparently. Sorry, gang.

notice how “girls mature faster” is never stated as a reason why girls should be given more positions of power and authority? It only works to hold girls to greater accountability than boys and to justify men’s attraction to them.

Oh, I get it. You mean like when someone drinks too much, or snorts cocaine, or bets the house on the ponies? Or like when someone smokes too many cigarettes? Or like when someone shops too much with credit cards? Or like when someone plays too many scratchy lotteries? Or like when someone eats too much chocolate cake? Or like when someone eats too much chocolate cake and then barfs it up? Executive Producer: Dick Wolf.

i usually HATE when kids talk during movies, but i saw detective pikachu today and everytime a pokemon would show up the boy in front of me would say to his grandma “thats bulbasaur!” “thats mr mime!” etc., id just be like “✊😔 legend”

If gas prices keep going up it will be cheaper to snort cocaine and run everywhere.

finally a good fucking shower thought

My boss, who is a grown woman with children my age, just whispered, “Oh, this is going to be so fucking efficient,” before spraying Febreze directly into the ceiling fan and proceeding to cough her guts out when it blew back in her face.

concert tickets really be out here costing money huh. aaaaaaaaaaaaaa