hey guys I'm doing pretty not goo--*calculates the number of people I know irl who follow me*--pretty fine and normal even and--*calculates the odds my boss is following me are slim, but not 0*--and dedicated to productivity, customer satisfaction, a commitment to quality, and--*calculates the odds the Zodiac Killer is following me are slim, but not 0*--where are the bodies.

If it's a legitimate assassination the male body has ways of shutting that whole thing down

someone asked Charlie Kirk a genuine question on gun violence and he replied in some snarky bitch way and got shot immediately after . When I die I hope it has the same comedic timing

Remember, the best way to celebrate when some hateful piece of shit dies is to go out and do something that makes you happy that the dead person would absolutely hate. The best kind of joy is the joy that comes from spite.

Hey I like these!!

youare all just jealous of my severed head

i was jumanji’d too when i was a kid but no one cared

i was also zathura’d. i got both jumanji’d and zathura’d. Statistical impossibility but sad and true