Because I canât stop thinking about the parallels between 4x22 and 15x2.
Dean taught Cas to care, but at what cost?
will byers stan first human second
trying on a metaphor
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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Noah Kahan

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@beetusthatyeetus
Because I canât stop thinking about the parallels between 4x22 and 15x2.
Dean taught Cas to care, but at what cost?

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Weâre almost across the finish line, folksâwhich means lots of fluff and happy endings for everyone.
Thank you guys for sticking around and reading this walloping hunk of a fic that started as a bunch of random ramblings in my notes app. Now, weâre sitting at >100k words. What the hell.
Excerpt from this weekâs chapter of Orange Juice.
I have something controversial to say
Okay but like imagine.
The night after Mary gets whammied back to life by Amara, Mary and Sam run into each other in the bunkerâs kitchen, and Weird Winchester Smalltalk ensues over a pot of stale coffee.
Mary: So, um⌠Seems like you two have really settled down here in Lebanon.
Sam: Uh, yeah. Something like that.
Mary: I mean, youâre both so⌠Big now. Grown. And Dean is⌠Well, itâs hard to wrap my head around. Not every day do you come back to life and learn your son has an angel for a boyfriend.
Sam, spitting out his coffee: Um, what??
Mary, oblivious: I mean, donât get me wrongâitâs nice to see Dean⌠happy with someone. Itâs just the whole Angel of The Lord thing that sort of makes my head spin.
Sam: Mom. Dean and Cas arenât together.
Mary, frowning: Oh�⌠Do they know that?
Sam, dragging a hand down his face: No. No, I donât think so.
â
Alternatively, approximately five minutes after Casâs âDEAN! You didnât blow yourself up!â hug, Mary corners Cas in the bunker.
Mary: Listen here, buddy. You break his heart, and Iâll whoop your feathered assâangel or not.
Cas: Whatâre youâ
Mary: I mean it. That boyâs got trust issues deeper than the Mariana Trench, so if you donât watch yourself, Iâll take that angel blade and shove it where the sun donât shine.
Cas, sweating: Yes maâam.

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Sure sex is fine but have you ever had a long conversation with an active listener about your current WIP
they should've had sam making more jokes about his and dean's negligible age gap "are your knees okay" after digging up a grave. "ask if they give out senior citizen discounts" at random motels/diners. "the first vic died in 1843. any chance you knew her?" during research. come on man younger sibling 101
Post canon AU where Dean tells cas âI love youâ all the time but Castiel is too scared/PTSD to say it out loud again
phrases in the desticule lexicon (not exhaustive, feel free to add):
Michael wave
physical and sexual behemoth Jared Padalecki
untouched and virginal Jensen Ackles
lawboy
chief Justice Jared Padalecki
[gunshots]
Orpheusâ gay cajun vampire side piece
greetings blood freak
wax your chest father of two, itâs fanservice time
chewing glass
jacting joices
Stanford, law school even
jender and mender
jacklesâ sexy sexy silence
pack it up George W. Butch
(Cas and Crowley) gay on gay violence
Heller [insert politician]
pspspsps I promise I wonât psychoanalyze you
whore boots/Deanâs âfuck meâ pumps
rogue translator
comrade [insert cast member]
cw sniper
[Texas accent] what
if [x] then WHY [y]
hi hellers!
president Biden your silence on [insert destiel event] is deafening
did you fuck the Michael sword castiel?
too much enrichment in the enclosure
clicky noises/oh clicky noises amv weâre really in it now
THEE [insert biblical figure]
they didnât even cast ABEL!
WHY lamp/tree/barn/dog/etc.
JUSSY JOWER
God Jensen, Deanâs never gonna fuck you
rancid nutwork
season 16
musty wail
party city wig
blurry wife
nephew whatâs all this then
[insert writer(s)/showrunner]natural
[insert crossover media]natural
country boys make do
ok so fuck me then
I am once again asking WHO won the 10 minute jackles zoom
jackles release the tapes
jackles I am no longer asking
the epic highs and lows of Nov. 5th
superhell/turbohell (this was mainly used by people outside the desticule but Iâm including it)
desticule/destielcule
chewing drywall (precursor to chewing glass; no longer in use)
ghost baby abortion
(diagnosed with) winchester derangement syndrome (this technically is from a deleted scene of spn but we say it so much I have to include it)
baldnatural (courtesy of @thatisahotsoup)
hbo spn
someone please microwave me
Jensen âDean kinnieâ Ackles
homophobic Jimmy Novak
closeted Jimmy Novak
wrist not limp enough. boil it.
canonically dead Kansas the band
Sam Winchester canonically cucked and robbed Jared Padalecki
widower arc and divorce arc
allegorical mpreg/he died in childbirth TWICE
easily the most show/THEE show of all time
unparalleled media experience
If you understand all of these you may need therapy. God bless.
(this list was made with the help of the folks in the hell discord! thanks for your help, guys!)
⢠[character] coded [character] girl
⢠hunting John Winchester for sport
⢠dog heaven squirrel hell
⢠finale denialist
⢠gaslight gatekeep girlboss
⢠[word] (derogatory)
⢠[word] (honorific)
⢠Luciferâs insane gay little brother
⢠THEE biblical Cain (and his OC wife Collette)
⢠I am studying [person] under a microscope
⢠Sam âClass Traitorâ Winchester
⢠Sam canonically fucks military wives
⢠Good Omens Crowley is dust
⢠TJLC (The Jackles Long Con)
Cartwright twins
Spn heritage post
Do u think Cas is like âDean your soul is beautiful, if only you could see it. It glows so brightlyâa vast nebula even in the bleakest pit of darknessâ and then the other angels are just staring at Dean like. Bro. This manâs soul looks like a stomped-out cigarette butt. What are you on about.

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Deanâs âI love youâ (before Jensen changed it) was written in Season 8.
Misha was not explicitly directed to play Cas as âin loveâ with Dean until Season 15.
What does this mean? It means for at LEAST seven seasons, the writers knew and understood something the actors did not.
this is very dear to me đĽš
The particular quality that makes Supernatural so unprecedented as queer media is specifically that they DID allow the characters to grow and change past what their initial plan for them was. That's why Cas's confession matters so goddamn much. We've had queer media before, of course, but not like this. Not the way Supernatural did it.
A lot of times, shows get called queerbait incorrectly, specifically because the audience sees potential, and they COULD take it there, but the showmakers don't take it there because that was never the plan. This includes things like BBC Sherlock and the MCU. Without the active choice to make Destiel a viable canon, this is where Supernatural would fit. Not going along with a popular ship that wasn't planned to exist in the first place is not queerbait.
Actual queerbait happens when the showmakers never intend it but act like they are gonna, promote the story as such, and then actively choose not follow through. This is where I'd put things like What We Do in the Shadows. It's a promotional stunt, done to attract viewers via the Will-They-Won't-They, knowing full well that They Won't.
Both the queerbait and not-quite-queerbait things often have an extra salt rubbed in the wound by slapping a big giant helping of Excessively Het Stuff on top at the end, juuuust to make sure we get the message that This Is Not For You. This is where you get things like Steve Rogers going back in time to marry Peggy thereby destroying 10 years & multiple movies & shows worth of character development and other character relationships. Compulsory Het additions are used just to really emphasize that yeah, they're SUPER FUCKIN STRAIGHT and SOULMATES.
As a narrative example, in the case of queerbait, excessively het endings are like that high school prank trope, where someone pretends they're gonna take the loser to prom, then shows up with their Real Date to throw eggs at them on the porch on prom night. In the case of not-quite-queerbait, the excessively het ending is where you have that popular kid that's always nice to the loser, that the loser has a crush on, but is still gonna date the other popular kid, not out of spite, but simply because they weren't interested in the first place.
But we do have a realm of Queer media that plans to be queer and follows through, like Heated Rivalry, Our Flag Means Death, Sense8, assorted movies. But there's a different flavor to media like this. It starts out and carries through as openly queer. It celebrates queerness. But often, because it is so openly queer, these get boxed in as "Queer Show" to the exclusion of all else. It's advertising focuses on that it's queer. The narratives often revolve around what it means to be queer. Narrative elements that aren't Being Queer are, very often, just a backdrop. The stories are incredibly conscious and aware of their queerness, of their queer audience. They deal with themes around identity, the closet, sexuality, family dysfunction, societal expectations, religious and authoritarian pressure, fear of rejection, grief, romance, safety, isolation â things that are deemed "the Queer experience". And these are absolutely fair themes to apply; there's a reason those resonate.
Now. Supernatural.
Supernatural didn't set out to directly be queer media. It has always held elements of it, yes, and I will argue for that forever. But it's intended audience was not out and proud queer people the way that Queer Media (tm) was. It talks about several similar themes â patriarchal pressures, grief, family dysfunction, the conflict between sacrifice for the community vs. choosing what is right for yourself. It's one of the reasons why other queer themes like the closet slot in so easily. But the characters were not intended to be out and proud and open. Often when queer media features a character in the closet, the narrative is about them coming out. It deals with their interiority around their sexuality â guilt, shame, passion, fear. At some point, they're always intended to Come Out.
Supernatural handles the closet differently. A queer reading of Supernatural deals with a character that has no intention of ever coming out. For whom the closet is still more safe than it is a trap. And, importantly, there are other concerns than if it's safe to be openly queer. Being openly queer, after all, is about fulfillment and self-actualization. But Supernatural is a war story. It's narrative revolves around survival, around sacrifice, around saving the world. And so it's themes treat self-actualization as a distant dream. Often an unachievable one. Maybe one day, when the Mission is complete, we can stop. We can have a home and love and a life. ...but the Mission will never be over, will it? That life just isn't for us, I guess.
And then there's Cas. Cas, who comes from this hyper religious background, who undergoes religious indoctrination and re-education, who is given conversion therapy to literally kill the person that he loves. His love, in the eyes of heaven, is illicit, forbidden, in every sense. Cas who chooses to escape his cult for a beautiful boy that believes in him. Who gives up everything for Dean, always drawn to him specifically, protecting him, supporting him, sacrificing for him. Cas, who misses and loves his family in spite of their rejection and abuse, who keeps fighting and begging for them to see him, to give up their prejudices and see the beauty that he sees, to be free of the prison they have made for themselves.
And Dean, for whom family is everything. Dean who is willing to sacrifice everything if it means protecting innocents. Dean who craves comfort and safety for himself, but moreover, someone that he can feel safe to drop the mask around. And then he meets Cas, who becomes his best friend. Who sees his vulnerabilities and weaknesses and doesn't judge him for them, who accepts him - all of him. Who also is willing to do the hard thing, to make the big sacrifices, to protect the innocent. Cas who is funny, and steadfast, and strong, and kind but also kind of a bitch, who loves humanity as much as Dean does.
They make each other want to be better. They challenge each other. They accept each other and support each other, even when they fail. They help each other up, dust them off, and say let's try again. We'll do better this time. They fight the good fight, but they also protect each other's right to rest, to have things for themselves for once.
Is it any wonder that the audience looked at this and said oh. Obviously they're in love.
But they didn't start out that way. Cas wasn't supposed to be there. He was meant to die three episodes in. A minor throwaway character, there to serve a quick purpose, and be discarded.
But the energy just felt... interesting. Lightning in a bottle, they called it. The way Cas and Dean clicked onscreen, the way they reacted to each other. And so the showrunners reworked the plan. And they kept reworking it. And kept reworking it. Every season, every new showrunner, every new writer, adding on. Misha and Jensen, adding their spin.
It wasn't planned. Not initially. But it worked, and it made the story better, made it more interesting. Cas & Dean's dynamic was interesting, and it made each of their characters as individuals better. Offered complexity and complication and subtlety.
It would have been so, so easy for them to leave it at that. No one would have been surprised if they left it at that. I'm sure many would have cried queerbait â they already were. And others would have been very smug and triumphant with yet another win over the gays, I'm sure. Because fuck us and our exhausting wish to feel seen and accepted, right?
But they didn't. They chose to go there. Cas confessed, and it was explicitly romantic, explicitly and openly queer. and it mattered. It mattered SO MUCH because it wasn't originally planned. Because the writers and showrunners of Supernatural, for all their flaws, were willing to follow through on an element of the story that developed over time, instead of chickening out, or forcing it to fit a heteronormative mold. They let the characters develop and change and grow according to what clicked in the narrative, according to what made the story more interesting. One of Supernatural's strengths is that, in spite of it's formulaic plot structuring, in spite of all the negative influences against it, they managed to coax out characters that feel True and Real. Not always, and sometimes they have setbacks, but when they nail it, it's because they let the characters develop instead of fighting it. Cas's confession was so, so earned. Taking something that had been implicit, that had underlaid the entire show if you knew what to look for, and bringing it into the open where everyone can see it. And that was something they excelled with from the start with Cas â they saw character & story potential and they used it.
The love is explicit. It is canon. The queerness is there, openly, verbally, on screen. It's there, and it's ours, and it is true. And it validates everything that Destiel fans had been seeing and arguing for for years.
And to me, one of the most important things about this is that it was a struggle. This wasn't like most openly queer media, where you can come into it comfortable that the queer love would be there. This is a show where queer readings have had to fight tooth and nail to be taken seriously. And we were fucking right.
If the smut doesnât double as a character study, I donât want it.
Excerpt from Chapter 32 of my fic, Orange Juice.
âThe first time he calls you holy, you laugh it back so hard your sides hurt. The second time, you moan gospel around his fingers between your teeth. He has always surprised you into surprising yourself. Because heâs an angel hiding his halo behind his back and nothing has ever felt so filthy as plucking the wings from his shouldersâ undressing his softness one feather at a time. God, if youâre out there, if youâre listening, he fucks like a seraphim, and thereâs no part of scripture that ever prepared you for his hands. Hands that map a communion in the cradle of your hips. Hands that kiss hymns up your sides. He confesses how long heâs looked for a place to worship and,oh, you put him on his knees. When he sinks to the floor and moans like he canât help himself, you wonder if the other angels fell so sweet. He says his prayers between your thighs and you dig your heels into the base of his spine until he blushes the color of your filthy tongue. You will ruin him and he will thank you; he will say please. No damnation ever looked as cozy as this, but you fit over his hips like they were made for you.You fit, you fit, you fit. On top of him, you are an ancient god that only he remembers and he offers up his skin. And you take it. Who knew sacrifice was so profane? And once youâve taught him how to hold your throat in one hand and your heart in the other, you will have forgotten every other word, except his name.â
â PROFANE, by Ashe Vernon

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You guys. Iâve never been so excited and nervous to post a chapter in my life.
Is it my first time writing full-on smut? Yes. Is it my first time writing unadulterated yearning? Ha. Hahaha. HAAHHAHA.
Hand-holding is one thing. Sleeping in the same bed is another, and downright cuddling is a third. But god, it feels good. The shared body heat and the circle of limbs, Casâs shin cutting into his calf. Dean doesnât want to give it up, but he also doesnât want to take more than heâs allowedâespecially if he wonât get to have it again.
Average Dean and cas subplot: we are doing a Thing together
Average sam subplot: i am being Stabbed with Knives. send help. I am dying.