Yemoja

The love I had for you, was unreal. Most of my connections have been lustful, dream filled, and unrealistic. I never knew what kind of love I had for you, until we ended up going out one night.

I never knew what it was like to be someone's secret, and be okay with it. We even had matching pieces we wore that no one knew about except us. We had our own language. People would walk up to us and call us a power couple, as we laughed and said we were just friends. We have played many games in plain sight. Fucking surreal. We were a hell of a match but far from compatible. And the sex, yes god. We'd fuck each other so good, you would smoke afterwards and tell me how stressful I was lol. Just wild shit. All the time. We made some dope ass memories.

I was never in love with you. But I was loyal to you. Foolish and stupid. But loyal none the less. I don't know why I expected loyalty from you, when you showed me you were loyal to no one but yourself. You used my love as a means to be praised. You told me you felt like a God with me and I believed you.

I remember you riding on your motorcycle and video calling me, talking to me as you would drive all over the island. We were never not talking unless we were sleeping. Even then, I would see you. Until I saw you deceiving me. It started with 1 lie, to my body rejecting you. Then the say you kissed my forehead, damn. You told me no matter what remember that you'll always love me. Then you drove off. Then you betrayed me. Judas.

A month prior, I called you when you went to a party. I pulled cards and they spoke to me clear as day. I told you, you would betray me and I will never forgive you. You said there was nothing that could ever make that happen. I believed you, for a moment.

But you know what? I was wrong. You betrayed me and you showed me what forgiveness looks like. You taught me to forgive. You taught me how to use my pain and channel it into something else. Because man, I could have ruined you. Everything you had including your career. But I let go. Completely. And I mourned you. I mourned you every day for months. I got high to avoid the thought of you. To not dream of you. To escape you. You haunted me for over half a year.

Today, I realized I cant wait to love again. To really give my love again. I'm gonna love so hard, I'm going to create Universes...no Multiverses with my next.

It's beautiful when you really love up on yourself.