Bear & Hedgy

PS: The quote (15 minute mark) is from Oprah's appearance in an episode of Keke's podcast.

It's no surprise that they would end up friends, because that's how Imago Pairings work! That they each likely have something that they would like to grow in or heal from. Oprah might be looking to be able to be with people, and Gayle likely wants to have a more quieter life.

I'm once again reminded that to some Bear seems like an Introvert but is actually more of an Extrovert (she years for people to spend time with) and I seem like an Extrovert but lean more towards being an Introvert (I would spend time with myself because I get drained when I spend time with other people.)

The nudge to offer to read the book was from Bear mentioning that she would be able to be there for me more if she was less worried about Black Blob.

PS: This is me tracking where we are in the book. We finished the introductions. Uniquely...there are two: Cheryl and Louise's.

Bear has been introduced to both Louise and Cheryl. One from Cheryl speaking and another with both of them. It was interesting that our recent rupture happened while I was reading Bear 'Thw Art Of Extreme Self-Care' (on of Cheryl's book). It was the chapter about the importance of disappointing people (and why it's good for Bear to also disappoint me!). Because if we are to be out authentic selves, it's inevitable that we might show up differently than what we have been expected to in the past.

She and I weren't able to repair the rupture when it happened, but when we did, Bear was able to acknowledge that she cut me off and jumped to conclusions. I felt like a big part of me was being rejected, and thankfully things didn't escalate as much when I recognised that time to myself might help.

The consequence, though, was I was now hesitant to analyse things. Bear acknowledging her contribution to the rupture was helpful, but it didn't magically make things okay.

I think I might have not been excited about a 'Blade Runner' since...ever? Part of me is thankful that I really didn't see th first one until decades later. Now I wonder if there are countless women who had only thought that scene was healthy and had it as their ideal.

But then...if I don't allow the possibility that 'Blade Runner 2099' will be able to be everything that I have ever wanted if I were asked to put together a treatment for such a film...how will it ever happen?

I wonder how Bear felt about the last two. I do know I was glad for Dave Bautista for getting the role for the last one.

But first....off I go to have a peek on IMDB to look through Hunter's filmography.

Part of me is also embracing the outcome that this film will outdo it's predecessors because women gave their blessing by showing up at the cinemas like they did for 'Frozen' or 'Barbie'

Plus...what probably put it over is Conan playing her therapist.

Is there any other Time Loop kind of story when The Protagonist jumps ahead in time? Not the next day but 7 months?

PS: The quote is from Chapter 27 of the book.

But I don't think Cate can skip a film she's picked to review.

I didn't watch 'The Whale' as I learned my lesson. Watching 'Requiem For A Dream' was more than enough for me. Maybe I might read the plotline of a film of his on Wikipedia, but I'm now wondering why I might.

PS: The Quote is from Issue #74 of 'Thirty, Flirty + Film'

If I care about my health, that I might have hope of healing from my injuries, one of the things I can gift myself is recognising things (like films or any sort of something to spend time on) that would likely not help. Thankfully I've been able to easily say 'no' to certain films or TV shows that might not help inject hope in my life.

Bear watched it and I wonder if she ever felt moments similar to Cate. I am guessing that she hasn't which is why she didn't mention it.

Bear is likely not going to watch the film. Mainly, because she thinks that my summary of it (or at least what I could tell her about it) is something she prefers.

I guess sometimes I get that excitement that fuels her excitement as well. This just probably didn't land and nudge her to watching it because she's likely more partial to documentaries about shows that she has enjoyed in the last decade.

For example, a documentary on how Rhea Seehorn navigated her career to eventually end up working on 'Pluribus' might be something that she (Bear) might be open to. Particularly if there's a lot of humour injected into it.

PS: The quote is from Haley's review of the film

I find it assuring that it's likely that this is a nod from The Universe. Like she's saying...

"Keep going. You're going to be okay."

...because I had just gotten back to reading the 'Tipping Point' books again. Technically it's the first one, and I'm not sure if I want to return to the second one as I feel it's bleaker. That I might have not gotten that jolt of motivation and hope if I was reading the second one.

There was a point where I decided to hold watching the rest of the film and just add it to the queue Bear and I have. It was because I had mistakenly assumed that Molly was in 'The White Lotus'. If she ever was, it seemed to be only from a fan casting her in one of the roles.

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One point in the documentary that is relevant for me is the experience of being let down by a journalist. I haven't gotten to a point similar to Emilio where there is a point where I had mistakenly assumed that there was a connection.

There's a part of me that wants to go through a vetting process before even telling my story. I'd rather just embrace the assumption that I've reached out to the right people and that somehow I can relax and let go.

A group I can just attend via a Secure Messenger so I can hear about the different ways other women feel and have processed it? Yes, please.

Be it Comp Het or other forms of abuse.

PS: The quote is from Chapter 25 of 'What I Couldn't Tell My Therapist'

(It's rare that a Hoopla discovery becomes so much more than what I expected it to be. One learning I had that I'll likely bring up multiple times during my conversations with Bear is that an increase in anxiety is a clue that I've gotten past a Defense Mechanism. That it might not be helpful long term if I opt for an activity that reduces my anxiety, because it might just be something that pushes down the anxiety rather than helping me sit with it so the emotion can move through me.)

I'm grateful I don't have to go through the process of finding My Person, that Bear has become my one. It doesn't mean that My Person always consistently shows up (rather than one of her Inner Children or an IFS Board Member that carries a specific part of her trauma that is low on being capable of empathy.

PS: This is actually a quote from one of Lauren's entries on her site.

PS: The quote is from an episode of 'The Psychology of your 20's'

Was I really out of that? I think I'm grateful that I had other things in my life like Indoor Volleyball, Novels, Peers who weren't trying to set me up with someone. I may have been my own best friend or maybe I could have easily recognised my Rebel Self.

But if I really sat with myself, there was a part of me that wanted to be chosen by a guy. I had that task item in the periphery that I was also looking for guys eligible to be that someone. This is likely of the pervasive belief in society that a woman isn't safe if there isn't a man actively protecting her. I wasn't socialised to choose myself. Instead the messages were about being chosen.

Bear still carries the narrative of her purpose being to make other people happy. That she'll be happy if other people are happy. This frustrates me, because one day this will be what might break her, but I know all I can do is to give her space to find her way.

I managed to watch until the 44 minute mark (Jill is sitting at that bench where Wes will later sit next to her) when I decided that the film wasn't for me. Watching a bit first before floating it to her is me making sure there's something there that keeps me invested in the story.

Could it be that its a bandwidth thing? That I needed to do some form of self care? But me saying that might send a message that I couldn't trust my gut.

Because I'm at the point where I'm able to be more conscious how my Emotional Wounds show up and my tendency to want to repeat certain patterns that don't serve me, I'm able to see that layer of Wes' difficulty to let Jill know. That it took Jill finding it out herself.

There have been writeups about the potential stalkerish layer of his behaviour. I was surprised Bear wasn't bothered by it, and understood why because she was comparing the behaviour of these other guys (Projecting Pastry Chef, Pink Eye Denier, Emotionally Unavailable Podcaster) to his.

What was interesting to be as I sit with the behaviour of these guys who would be considered a Red Flag until they work on processing their own grief, is that they have a commonality with Wes: they couldn't be there for Jill in a certain way.

It seems like the Pastry Chef is covering up his need for women, that it ended up showing as hate. Similar to what Susan Forward talks about in her book about women ending up with men who has that part unhealed in them.

This is not to say that Jill might have had misogynistic parents. Her parents seemed to have instilled in her to value herself and not settle. She did end any sort of mistreatment when a guy shows signs of not being able to be a healthy partner for her.

Which brings us to the part where someone who can be a healthy person shows up but stumbles. We haven't finished the film yet (20 minutes left!), and so far it's only Wes that apologises to Jill for his behaviour. The previous three guys (Pink Eye, Pastry Chef, and Podcaster) didn't apologise. It's likely because that is who they are and that what makes them different from Wes. They have a pattern of Unhealthy Behaviour they are uninterested in looking at.

There was a part of me that is reminded of those times in the past when I would have been critical of Wes keeping information from Jill. Thankfully, when I got to that scene with Bear, I understood that Wes was likely carrying that narrative that if he admits to stuffing up, he will be abandoned.

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Which brings me to Jill's reaction: could she have been able to sit with Wes revealing what happened? I wonder what emotions came up for her. Was it similar emotions related to her parents holding off sharing information about her sister's health? There was that scene when she asks Isabelle why she (Isabelle) is just letting her (Jill) know now.

This is probably indicative of how Jill responded to Wes' revelation or at least her realisation about Wes hearing her voicemails to her sister.

I like that when Wes gets the idea of recovering the Voicemails that Jill lost during the Factory Reset process, the guy he turns to suggests Wes just reach out to Jill. That it's possibly sending out a message to the ones who want to make a big romantic gesture, that a small step is all that's needed.

I'm not sure if Debora and the rest of the writers didn't want to point at Bill's diet. Maybe it's allowing viewers to make the same conclusion I did?

...then I read something that helped fuel consideration that one of the execs might be intending to allow more flexibility for subscribers. That this approach helps add fluidity to the concept of what 'household' means. Which is what Bear and I have been talking about and other writeups.

Yes, I may still end up limiting my time on Netflix and just watching something with Bear every 4 days. The Silver Lining is that being forced to add my email address has made it easier to start rewiring my brain not to default to Netflix anymore.

I don't have to worry about making sure that I check in every now and then to make sure I'm signed in. Though there's likely still an IFS Board Member that worries.

For a time the prompt disappeared. But when I went to watch something on a laptop it wouldn't go away.

PS: I get that there may be a mandate to find a way to increase profits. That this is might be a way to do that. Because if it is, and I'm now required to add an email address to every profile in my own account, there's this loss that happens when there's a limit on the number of profiles that can be created. The most useful application of it is one separate profile for all the titles I'd like to enjoy with a particular person. Maybe I'll do that once again when I revive (or create -- since it has been dormant for a significant amount of time) my own account.

It is a bit of a struggle to embrace the belief that it's not about increasing profits and instead wanting security for anyone who has an account. That they are not harassed if they decide to remove someone from accessing their subscription.

PS: The quote is from the first scene of 'Book Of Love' --- technically a sign...and not uttered by the character.

One of the things I noticed was that by the time the 4th woman shows up in the next scene, there has been only one man so far. Which makes me wonder if Geena Davis has also seen the film to that point.

I like that at that point the message to the viewer is that even if a guy disagrees with a woman's perspective, there is still a way to validate her experience.

As I was searching for talks about Repetition Compulsion on YouTube, one of the suggested videos was this. I didn't watch the video as I don't think it'll be healthy for me to hear from someone who identifies as a Narcissist. Which is why I went straight to the comments to see if there were survivors sharing what they learned to keep themselves safe.

PS: Screenshot from the Comment Section.

If you're familiar with this person, let me know what I missed! These four things are very helpful to keep in mind. That if I am behaving this way (There's a part of me that usually defaults to justification) it's likely that one of my Inner Children is driving. That it may help for me to pause the conversation. Because that IFS Board Member might not be feeling safe.