Bear & Hedgy

------

My biggest challenge is figuring out

I wonder how long it lasted? Maybe a couple of seconds?

I'm going to make note to ask Bear how many episodes of 'CSI: Miami' she has watched. I was more of a 'CSI' Vegas one, and it is was likely because it was the first. Also, it was the time when I enjoyed the character

Because it was her who mentioned that Horatio does something with his sunnies during each Cold Open sequence of the show. Then showed me one of those scenes. Which is why I know.

It also helped that while I was deciding to pick the one I wanted to go with, she noted the Aviator Style ones.

(I'm not the kind who might wear them because they are trickier to use as a headband.)

What is amazing is that she didn't need to know a whole bunch of things about me before she committed to taking the next step, then the next. Whereas I needed to have certain things confirmed for my vetting process.

In a way, Bear is courageous in some aspects and really hesitant in others. I can lean into gratitude that those areas are complimentary to mine. Even if the result would be another rupture, it's the repair that allows for fortifying areas that might benefit from more resilience.

PS: The quote is from Esther's appearance in Nicole's podcast.

Initially, Bear was wanting to confirm if I specifically want to listen to something that bores me that I'll end up sleeping. I clarified that if it's something that bores me, I'll want to change it because I'll end up being annoyed.

But then a realisation dawned on her when I mentioned that it'll be great if she reads me something that she wants to learn about that I might also want to hear. That it's a way I could get to know another aspect of her.

This led me to that realisation that I pick what I listen to for safety. How it was likely when I started listening to podcasts to drift off that symptoms of my Chronic Illness was showing up and I had yet to notice it. Because if I had something playing that had a person talking about something that allows me to be seen. That I'll likely be safe around this person.

I also appreciate another person pointing out that the story had a special goal: it is Damien's journey.

The coolness factor increases once I noticed that it's their first review! I initially thought this was going to be something that wouldn't live up to the intuitive nudge I got when I initially heard about it.

I mean, why would Rosamund, Fiona, and Emily say 'yes' to a film if it didn't live up to what it promised!?

Bear and I both give the film 7/10

To my surprise, when I asked if she would be open to watch the epilogue, because Sacha wasn't in the scene, she mentioned that she'd be open to watch it from the start.

I think there was a part of me that wanted to dig in. That I'm utterly confused that her view was totally different when I floated the idea of watching the film 3 weeks ago. What I can remind myself is that road doesn't help me get to a place where I am able to nurture a more connected In Between with Bear.

There are comments on the trailer that have floated the idea that Sacha did this as a condition of his divorce. I could see the possibility that it's something he did for optics. But...I want to believe what Bear wonders: that he kind of went through a process of epiphanies and just changed.

I know, it's kind of too forgiving. But what is the other choice? That he's doing it to be able to win over people who are hesitant to invest in a project he's developing?

I'd rather lean towards hope. It's not easy. Because culture dictates I be mistrustful. That I'll just get hurt. But if I lean towards that direction, I'll likely miss out on shifting to this world where his epiphanies fuel epiphanies of other men who still have narratives that result in women not being safe in this world.

I like that I might process paths with her at the supermarket. That she might be the sort of person I'd sit next to on the train (even if it's been a long time since I felt safe enough to take the bus or train).

When I read the comments, I was surprised that there was someone pointing out that Spring was trying to make it seem like she contributed more than she did.

Part of me wanted to say...

"The president of Sony Music would have likely been able to help significantly. That the process would have speeded up, and be able to suggest other ways to approach what the filmmakers were hoping to achieve."

...but maybe this person wanted Spring to talk about specific things?

(This is me attempting to express a frustration and also making sure that i consider the most generous interpretation of why this person might have written what they did. It's linked to me wanting to rewire my brain so I'm not just trapped in that perspective of what this person didn't do. The approach has been helpful in allowing that space when something Bear said or did activates a threat to my Sense Of Safety. The rupture may still happen, but it allows for quicker repair and possibly still feeling connected to Bear during the process.)

PS: The quote is from the conversation hosted by the Grammy Museum with Spring, EJAY, Ian, and Dana.

PS: The quote is from 'Ladies First'

Because if someone doesn't feel heard, they would likely struggle to have empathy for anything else than what they are experiencing.

What Bear and I have been working on is more on recognising our Blind Spots and when we are going through an Emotional Storm.

I think for me it's

PS: The screenshot is from a section of 'Two Of Us'

I'll have to ask Bear what the process is to keep them smelling clean! Is it the helmet!? The pads!?

I love that Nicole was able to steer conversation so she and Rachel might end up in places like this!

PS: The quote is from Rachel's appearance on 'Why Won't You Date Me?"

------

I think even if this realisation connects to so many aspects of my life (which Geneen mentions), there's still this part of me that believes that there's no way it can be true: how I've been living my life more than 3 decades with these narratives that are leading me away from the kind of life that I want.

How I can be kind to myself is to take that step and be thankful that I was able to note this quote down. That Bear and I are committed to each other that even if our respective Core Wounds are activated, we are able to find our way to each other.

Turns out that she didn't add the item because the total amount was more than she expected. That probably fuelled a part of her to be reminded that she already has a different kind of Corn Chips.

(It's the kind of Corn Chips that was Red and White.)

One of the things Bear doesn't want to be is an annoyance. I think it might be worth having a conversation about that. Because if she's not willing to risk being annoying, she won't be at that place where she may be more open to my influence and we can work on that Third Way.

PS: The quote is from an episode of Re: Thinking in front of a Live Audience hosted by Adam Grant

No idea if it's just an Inner Teenager or that I might connect to a number of Inner Children and Inner Teens.

(What prevented me from attempting to watch those Sally Scenes was just the lack of a reference which ones they are.)

Since Janeane Garofalo didn't get official credit for her voicing Sally, it isn't as easy to find episodes compared to Amy Aquino. It was really good to be able to watch those episodes with Bear. It's interesting that Dr. Pavone went through a period (was it 5 years?) separated from her partner.

So far, I have....

Season 1 Episode 1 - Opening Scene (Felicity as sender --- I was surprised how long it goes and reminded why it's likely something I might refer to if I were writing a Romantic Comedy) & Ending (Sally as sender) starting around the 40 minute mark

Season 1 Episode 2 - Opening Scenes (Felicity as sender)

Season 1 Episode 3 - Opening Scenes (Felicity as sender) and 42:24 (Sally as sender)

Season 1 Episode 4 - Opening Scenes (Felicity as sender) and Closing Scenes (Sally as sender)

Season 4 Episode

PS: The quote is from a response via Reddit! If you have the link, DMs are open!