You don't understand this yet, but people need you

“Resilience is not being able to bounce back like nothing has happened. Resilience is your consistent resistance to giving up.” -Janna Cachola

Life’s circumstances can be overbearing. We can meet misfortunes or tragedies. We may even give up from time to time, but there has to be a time when we seize our opportunities to turn the tide.

I sincerely apologize for not being active here. I’m especially sorry and grateful to friends on this platform that have reached out and tried to check in on me. This is difficult for me to admit but I am in dire need of help and have exhausted a lot of other resources. If you can, in any form that people are able to provide it, I’d be grateful.

I’m wary of triggering anyone or being a dampener on anyone’s mood, so I’ll try to summarize my situation. In short, my mental health, and my physical health along with it, have been declining. And I haven’t been able to function or keep up with the pace of my obligations. I’ve been in survival mode for a while now.

If anyone is able to signal boost, send positive vibes or even spare funds; you have my utmost gratitude and love. And I sincerely hope that people remember to take care of themselves, I don’t want anyone to go through anything I am experiencing or even go through worse.

For anyone who is willing to listen, this is a bit on my situation below. Read only if you are in a good headspace, please:

I’ve lost a lot in such a short time span, because I couldn’t take care of myself properly and keep up with everything. I just… stopped caring for myself. And the losses kept adding up:

Not being able to mend a long term relationship with my ex-fiancé and best friend. Losing progress in my medical career by withdrawing for the paramedic program, not being able to function and fearing I could inadvertently kill a patient. My non-profit small business was suspended. I was terminated from my work at my ambulance service, after being burnt out and unable to even get myself to work. I completed my military contract and separated from one of my best support systems amongst mentors and colleagues I’ve deployed with. Because of this, I feel like I’ve been severed from multiple social support systems in my personal life so quickly.

Being unable to function, I couldn’t keep up with classes and failed. I now owe the VA housing allowance money for those failed quarters that went towards paying my apartment. With three forms of income lost, I naturally lost my apartment and my car got nearly repossessed. I almost went homeless. Thankfully my parents took me back in, but I’m now back in an unhealthy and cramped household I’ve been fighting so hard to leave.

I’ve been earnestly trying to relearn how to take care of myself and get back on my feet again. I hope someday soon I can begin to draw or share stories again here. If you can offer any help, you have my thanks.

Love Letters 2.0

Just some light concept sketch work of an older Hiro Hamada (and a bonus sketch of a messy haired young Kiro with Baymax for fun)

Comfort Character: Hiro Hamada

Big Hero 6 and BH6 The Series has always helped me through ups and downs. It’s BH6 Month and I wanted to contribute with an appreciation post for my all-time comfort character, the genius boy himself!

This smug little hero always reminds me to continue forward regardless of what life throws at you. Find another angle and do right by others. You can be way more.

Hey everyone, I hope everyone is being safe and of good health out there! My apologies, I'd like to ask help from anyone who is able to spare it.

Things have been getting rougher on my end, I just got COVID, on top of whatever chronic health condition my primary care was trying to diagnose.

I suspected this and self-quarantined, being off of work for a week while being symptomatic. Unfortunately, COVID sick pay was ended by the state in September and my ambulance service covered us with it until early January... Long story short, I even have the bad luck of not getting COVID soon enough... Lol.

Likewise, I am having issues with getting my GI bill being instated this quarter. So my basic housing allowance might not even come in this month, worst even this whole quarter. In short, my primary sources of income of the GI bill and work pay are cut off. I may not be able to have anything for subsistence, let alone rent.

In all honesty, it feels like I almost forgot that this year is coming to a close. Been taking it day by day with things going on lately that I'd lost track of time and at the same time dreaded the days passing by.

But I wanted to thank many folks on here who have supported me this year. To those who have helped me, made me smile with their creations and also checked up on me. Truly, you have my gratitude. I apologize not to list everyone, I'd hope you know who you are. I apologize I haven't been as interactive and on my end, increasingly reclusive. But I do hope that you are all well.

I was a bit apprehensive to post, for fear of dampening spirits and moods on my account. I have not been okay, and as folks have told me, its okay to not be okay.

While this post is an honest cry for help, I couldn't fathom the idea of not paying forward at least some advice for those who are facing similar circumstances.

I can see that there are many others who are having a rough go and are also trudging along this year's finish line like a broken down vehicle.

So I wanted to remind everyone (along with myself) that we can work to make next year with each day, a better one. Even if you are burnt out emotionally, physically and spiritually; you can always find grace and gratitude if you look for it. You can make it through the day, tomorrow can be better.

As an infantryman, I've learned the merits of always improving your fighting position. In life, you have to take steps, however small, to improve your own fighting position to have better quality of life for yourself and others. Even if you are like me and experiencing your own "Failure Mode," remember that in the defeated lies a victor to emerge.

I've been in survival mode for some time and in a downward spiral wrestling with my chronic depression, anxiety and executive dysfunctions, but I wanted to pass onto others also having a difficult time that they can hang on and push forward.

Remember the basics, take baby steps to improve things like your sleep, hygiene and diet. Eat something light and accessible if you have lost appetite. Keep it simple and have all your hygiene items ready in the shower so you have less effort to knock those out. If you can't get yourself out of bed, focus on small steps like getting a toe out of your blanket and finding the floor, slinky yourself out of bed like a snake if that's what it takes.

Be mindful of the signs and symptoms of when you are falling in that downward spiral. Sometimes when you are in the thick of that, you might not realize just how deep you are and that you need help getting back up. Understand when it is time that you need help, from professional help and your personal support system if feasible.

BetterHelp. Suicide Helplines. Veteran Crisis Lines. Rental assistance. Community food pantries. The list goes on. Many of the woes we face, there are so many out there who are willing and desiring to help you. Sometimes, the most difficult step is seeking help.

Take those steps to get help and improve your situation little by little, if at least to hang on longer through highs and lows.

(Everything else after this is my own venting, things I need to write for cathartic reasons. But as I don't want to hamper anyone or trigger anyone who is facing similar issues, please only read if you are in a good headspace or want to listen. In either case, you have my gratitude for even reading any of this.)

BH6 x Genshin Impact: Hiro Hamada

When Karmi and Hiro get hopelessly addicted to playing Genshin Impact, Karmi takes it upon herself to do a self-insert fanfiction of Hiro and herself within the Genshin Impact universe.

Within this universe, here are Hiro’s character attributes:

Vision: Electro

Affiliation: Adventurer’s Guild

Constellation: Vulpecula

Story: Hiro was originally born in Inazuma City, living along with his parents and brother, Tadashi. When Hiro and Tadashi are targeted by the Vision Hunt Decree, his parents fight to smuggle them off to their Aunt Cass in Mondstadt, the “City of Freedom.” Although successful, their parents had to remain behind.

In Mondstadt, they find themselves with their Aunt Cass who works at her own Lucky Cat Cafe not to be confused with a certain cat-themed bar. His brother, Tadashi quickly enlists himself within the Knights of Favonius, to protect his family.

Meanwhile, Hiro wants to become stronger while finding a way back to Inazuma to rescue his parents. He chooses to become a part of the Adventurer’s Guild as an inventor that often finds himself around other brilliant minds like Lisa, Albedo and Sucrose.

Pretty good, right? Bonus of him as a kid.

I’m kidding, of course. Just sh*t-posting my own OC to vent my frustrations since I lost a majority of my progress when I was drawing him lol.

@rimhyokang has been telling me how these characters remind her of Kiro lol. And I can see why. But truthfully, I’ve never seen these shows or movies and they weren’t the inspirations behind his design.

Kiro is highly influenced by Hiro and Karmi’s own designs for obvious reasons. In fact, his hair in particular is from this:

When Professor Granville tried to tame Hiro’s hair lol. That’s where that “scoopable ice cream” or “cotton candy” hair design came from.

Well, hopefully I can get these character artwork up. I’ve been in a creative writing and art rut for a while, itching to get something together again.

Been a bit busy lately, so take this late Halloween dress up quick sketch of the kiddos who most definitely play Genishin Impact together lol. For this one, I dressed up Hiro as Bennett and Karmi as Fischl.