ash

“Took you long enough,” he says.

“I was brushing my teeth.”

“Mhm.”

You climb up onto the bed on your knees. He watches you the whole way. His eyes go over the sleep shorts, the thin t-shirt, back to your face — and by the time you’re crawling toward him, he’s already reaching, one hand on your thigh, sliding higher, guiding you where he wants you.

You catch his wrist.

“No.”

His eyebrow goes up.

You put a hand flat on his chest and push. He lets you. Goes back against the pillows without a word, arms falling wide on either side of him, and looks up at you.

“Okay, baby,” he says. Low. “Show me what you want.”

You climb over him. One knee, then the other. Sit up on his hips with your hands on his stomach.

His hands come to your thighs.

—

His hands stay on your thighs, thumbs stroking slow lines up and down as you lean down to kiss him. He meets you halfway, mouth warm and sure, one hand sliding up to cup the back of your neck like he can’t help it. The kiss starts easy, almost lazy, but it doesn’t stay that way. It never does with him.

You shift your hips, grinding down against the growing bulge in his sweatpants, and he makes a low sound into your mouth. His grip on your thigh tightens. When you pull back just enough to look at him, his eyes are darker, that smug little tilt already pulling at the corner of his mouth.

“Keep doing that,” he murmurs.

You do. Rolling your hips again, slower this time, dragging over him until his breath catches. His free hand moves up under your t-shirt, palm hot against your skin, pushing the fabric higher until he’s cupping your tit, thumb brushing over your nipple. He squeezes once, firm, watching your face the whole time.

“Take this off,” he says, tugging at the hem.

You sit up and pull the shirt over your head. The second it’s gone, his hands are back on you, both of them now, kneading, thumbs flicking, mouth following a second later. He sucks one nipple into his mouth, tongue lazy and wet, while his other hand slides down to grip your ass, spreading you a little as he pulls you tighter against his cock.

You can already feel how hard he is. How much he’s letting you set the pace even while his hands tell you exactly how bad he wants it.

He switches sides, teeth grazing just enough to make you gasp, then soothes it with his tongue. When he pulls off, he looks up at you, lips shiny, voice low and rough.

“You gonna ride me tonight, baby? Or you just gonna tease me until I lose it?”

You get up on your knees to answer him. Work the sleep shorts off, one leg then the other, and his hand slides between your legs while you’re still balanced — two fingers pressing against you where you’re already wet.

“Already?”

“Shut up.”

He laughs, low, doesn’t stop touching.

You push his sweats down enough to get him out. He’s hard in your hand. You line him up, one hand braced on his stomach, and lower yourself — slow, because it’s a lot, because it’s always a lot.

His head goes back against the pillows.

“Oh — fuck, baby.”

His hands find your ass. Palming. Pulling you the last inch down until he’s all the way in.

“Take your time,” he says.

—

You try. But the stretch is deep, the angle pressing him right where you need it, and after a few slow rolls your rhythm starts to slip. Your thighs shake.

Joe’s hands lock onto your ass, fingers digging in as he holds you down flush against him, no room to lift, no room to recover. That smug little smirk curves his mouth while he watches you struggle.

“Oh, but I thought you could take this dick, baby.”

He grinds up into you, slow and deliberate, keeping you pinned. You whine his name, broken and needy, and he lets out that low laugh, clearly enjoying the way you’re falling apart on top of him.

“Already whining?” he murmurs, voice dark with satisfaction. “Thought you wanted to ride me. Now you can’t even handle sittin' pretty on it?”

His thumb strokes over your ass, almost soothing, the contrast making it worse. Then his tone shifts, still low but warmer. “Look at you though… doing so fucking good for me. Taking every inch like that. Such a good girl when you try.”

Then he moves underneath you. Lets his hands slide back to your ass, thumbs digging into the meat of it, and lifts you an inch off him before letting you drop.

“Go on then.” His voice is low. “You wanted to ride me. Ride me.”

You brace against his chest and start again. Slow at first — you can’t help it, your thighs are already shaking — and he watches you with his hands on your ass, letting you find it.

You get it back. Rolling your hips forward, lifting up, dropping down. The angle is deep and every time you sink he makes a low sound in his chest.

“Yeah, baby. There you go.”

One of his hands comes off your ass and slides up your body, cupping your tit, thumb dragging over your nipple. He watches his own hand while he does it. His mouth is parted.

“Look at these fucking tits.”

He squeezes. You whine.

“Bouncing for me every time you drop down. Fuck. That’s what I’ve been thinking about all day.”

His other hand stays on your ass, and he uses it to pull you tighter as you grind down — meeting your rhythm now, letting his hips roll up into yours.

“That’s it.”

His grip flexes.

“Look at you. Working so hard for it.”

The praise almost undoes you. You whimper his name, and he catches it, thumb dragging harder over your nipple.

“Yeah? You like that? You like when I tell you how good you’re being?”

You nod.

“Say it.”

“I like it,” you breathe.

Joe’s smirk deepens, but his eyes stay soft on your face. “Yeah, you do.” He gives your tit one last firm squeeze before both hands drop back to your ass, spreading you as he starts guiding your movements. “Then show me. Fuck yourself on it like you mean it.”

You do. You pick up the pace, rising and dropping harder, chasing the drag of him inside you. The wet sound of skin meeting skin fills the room along with your ragged breathing. His grip gets tighter, almost bruising, helping you slam down every time you start to slow.

“Fuck, that’s it,” he groans. “Greedy little thing. Can’t get enough, can you?”

You shake your head, whimpering, and he laughs again — low and rough.

“No, you can’t. Look at you bouncing on my dick like you were made for it.” His voice drops even lower. “Such a pretty fuckin' mess for me.”

Your legs start to burn, but you don’t stop. The praise and the filth keep hitting you in waves, pushing you closer. Joe’s hips start snapping up to meet you, fucking into you from below, and one of his hands slides between your bodies, thumb finding your clit.

“Come on, baby,” he says, voice strained now. “Want to feel you come all over me. Give it to me.”

The combination of his thumb and the deep, relentless drag of his cock finally sends you over. You cry out, clenching hard around him as the orgasm hits hard. Joe keeps moving through it, fucking you through every pulse, low curses falling from his mouth until his own rhythm stutters.

“Fuck — baby —”

He pulls you down tight, holding you there as he comes, hips jerking up into you one last time.

—

You collapse against his chest, breathing hard, and Joe’s arms come around you immediately. One hand smooths up and down your back in slow, steady passes while the other cups the back of your head, holding you close. His heart is still pounding under your cheek.

“Easy,” he murmurs, voice soft now. “I got you.”

He stays inside you for a long moment, just letting you both come down, pressing lazy kisses to your temple and the top of your head. When your breathing finally evens out, he carefully lifts you off him, laying you on your side before pulling you right back into his chest.

“You okay?” he asks quietly, thumb brushing along your jaw so you’ll look at him.

You nod, still a little floaty. He studies your face for a second like he’s making sure, then leans in and kisses you — slow and gentle, nothing like the way he was talking to you a few minutes ago.

“Did so good for me, baby,” he whispers against your lips. “So fucking good.”

He reaches over for the water on the nightstand and hands it to you first, then takes a sip himself. After that, he pulls the blanket up over both of you and tucks you tighter against him, one leg thrown over yours, his hand rubbing slow circles between your shoulder blades.

You press your face into his neck, breathing him in. He smells like soap, sweat, and home.

“Love you,” he says, so quietly you almost miss it. His arms squeeze you once, like he needs you to feel it more than hear it.

You stay like that — tangled up, his chest warm under your cheek, his hand never stopping its gentle path up and down your back — until your eyes start to get heavy.

September 2005 

The best friendships start on the fourth grade playground.

State the source? Maddie Gallagher and Joe Burrow.

Confirmed? On a random Tuesday at Athens Elementary. 

At the far edge of the playground, Joe Burrow sits alone on a weathered wood plank, muted expression on his face. The buzzed blonde hair on his head attracts the afternoon sun rays and baggy clothes hang off his slim frame. Some sort of athletic shoes with stripes are on his feet as he kicks at a chunk of wood chips. Maddie notices him immediately. New kids stand out at their elementary school like fresh paint, and before she can think it through fully, she bounds over to him with her hidden pack of chocolate donuts.

A year prior, she was the new kid and she understands how hard it can be to make friends in a town as small as this. Everyone in Athens is seemingly born here, lifers, except for the handful of kids like her and now this kid, who got relocated here for their parents jobs. A lot of those kids move on after a few years, heading to bigger and better opportunities outside of Southeast Ohio. But maybe this kid will stick around.

“Hey.” Maddie reaches him, smiling with her greeting. Joe squints up, eyes barely open before he looks away again with a scrunched nose. For a moment, Maddie thinks she is bothering him. But then his quiet ‘hi’ reaches her and she exhales in relief. 

“Hungry?” Maddie asks, offering him the slightly squished packaging. Chocolate has smeared on the clear part, making the pastries look like remnants of an explosion.

“I’m not really allowed to eat donuts.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Sugar, I guess?” His small shoulders raise and drop like life is what it is. Donuts or no donuts. 

“Oh. Says who?”

“My mom.” Maddie’s mom is a nurse and tries to keep her eating gross things like broccoli, but she still lets her eat donuts.

“Well, she ain’t here.” Maddie thrusts the packaging closer to him, weaving it in front of his blue eyes. Joe looks down at the donuts, then at her, pausing to calculate her trustworthiness. She’s wearing her favorite pink shirt with printed white bows and a pair of jeans. Her chocolate hair is wildly falling out of the braid her mom twisted together in a rush this morning. She’s slightly scuffed and rumpled from running around with the before school program in the gym. But her eyes are kind and her smile is genuine, so Joe tentatively reaches for one.

“Your parents let you have sugar for breakfast?” He questions after his first bite.

“Only when we’re running late. It’s just my mom and me. Well, my dad’s around… kinda… but not really.” Maddie shrugs, eyes squinting as she plops down beside him. The donut pack is set between them for easy access. She licks her lips and wipes her chocolate hands down her thighs, not caring about the stains they leave behind. “You have a dad?”

“Yeah. He coaches football.”

“Oh. That’s why you moved here?” Maddie asks, nose scrunched. “Doubt you’ll be here to see high school then. None of the coaches kids stay long.” 

“Guess you want your donut back then?” Joe offers back his half eaten one. Maddie giggles and a corner of Joe’s lips lift in response to it. It’s bubbly and bright, approachable too, like the girl next to him.

“Nah. This way you’ll remember me when you move on.”

Joe shrugs, then pops the rest into his mouth.

Maddie and Joe work on the remaining donuts, sharing the odd number down to cutting one in half. As they eat, Maddie does a majority of the talking. Joe learns everything there is to know about her. Her parents are divorced, she was born in Minnesota, and she really, really likes soccer. Joe shares too, talking about his family including his much older brothers who live in Nebraska, proudly saying they live and die with their football teams, and he isn’t sure he likes living in Athens yet. When silence traps the conversation, Maddie easily maneuvers it with a question or a joke, creating a non-stop chatter Joe isn’t used to. When they’re done talking about sports, family, and tv they like, Maddie pivots to talking about ants, pointing to the ones scattering around their sneakers.

“What’s your favorite ant? You seem like the kinda kid that knows about ants.” Maddie squints as she studies him, lower lip slightly pouted as if she has him all figured out.

“You talk a lot.” Joe says it with a tone of disbelief. Like he hasn’t quite met someone who epitomizes a stuck radio the way she does.

“Yeah. Once I start I don’t really know how to stop. Drives my dad nuts. I think that’s why I don’t see him as much now.”

Silence.

“Does it bug you? That I talk?” Maddie asks, avoiding direct eye contact with him and instead picking at the worn knot in her sneaker laces.

“No.” 

“Cool.” She smiles, relaxing. Her finger reaches down, collecting a black ant onto the tip of her finger. The two kids bend their heads together, watching as it winds it’s way down her chipped, blue nail polish to the palm of her hand. 

“Fire ants. They’re my favorite.” Joe finally answers. “Cause they are the strongest and are known to survive floods.”

“Really?” Maddie quirks an eyebrow. “What else?”

Now it’s Joe’s turn to shine. He fills her in on everything there is to know about fire ants. How they can kill healthy crops in days. How they make living life rafts to survive rising water. How they can carry almost 20 times their body weight, and an entire colony attack can send humans into comas. 

“I was right about you, Joe Burrow.” Maddie smirks. “You’re a nerd. And I like that about you.”

“Yeah.” Joe laughs, bashful as he looks down at the ground, kicking a rock with his toe. Carefully, Maddie places the ant back on the ground, watching it scurry away to the hill by her left sneaker.

The teacher’s whistle shrieks out over the playground, making both kids jump. Recess went faster than usual today. Joe stands up first, extending his hand out to Maddie to help her up too. She hastily brushes the rocks off her jeans, then puts her hands on her hips.

“Well, do ya think you’d wanna do this again tomorrow?” Maddie asks, balancing on the outside edges of her shoes as she asks. Her vibrant blue-green eyes still squint against the sun, making a curious crinkle form above one nostril. 

“Sure.” Joe nods, face getting cool and serious as though making his first friend in his new town isn’t the biggest relief since he arrived this summer. He can’t wait to tell his older brothers, Jamie and Dan.

The next day, Maddie invites her neighbor, Drew, to join her and Joe for their donuts. She busted out two whole packages they have to hide behind their backs so the teachers don’t confiscate them. Drew and Joe are fast friends too and the three formed a recess pack for the rest of the year.

Over the following school years, Joe, Maddie and Drew became the welcoming committee to the new kids. Avery joined next, moving from Boston to Athens for her dad’s job at Ohio University. Then came Jaylen, who relocated from Missouri with his aunt and uncle. For a few years, the group stayed at 5, until they rounded things out with Sierra who relocated from California.

Along the way, Joe and Maddie became inseparable. Wherever one was, the other was too.

Joey and Maddie.

Maddie and Joey.

As their friendship grew, the one between their families did as well. Soon, Burrow family holidays included Maddie and her mom, Julie, without question. New Years, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, and even Christmas, they were regulars at the Burrow house, celebrating with the extended family. Together, the two families built a comfortable life together. The Burrows welcomed Maddie in on nights her mom had overnights at the hospital. She slept in the bottom bunk bed in Joe’s room like any other friend, and Robin would take them both to school in the morning before heading off to her own teaching job. 

In a small town, things are simpler. Understood. Easier. Quieter.

People look out for each other and found family becomes as important as blood.

For a group of transplants, that’s how Athens, Ohio became home.

= = = 

December 2012

Without saying a single word to each other, Joe and Maddie share an entire conversation from their seats in the living room. On the TV, American Idol is away for a commercial break. In the leather arm chair beside the couch, Robin sits in her chair, scribbling notes for her grocery list. At the top of the paper in capital letters is CANDLES, because although Joe’s 16th birthday is today, he didn’t get to make a wish over his Funfetti cake due to a lack of pyrotechnics. Robin was beside herself about forgetting to pick them up from the store on her way back from school.

After getting his license this morning, Joe couldn’t have cared less about birthday candles or cake. But neither teenager had the heart to disappoint his mom. She still thinks he is six years old, and cares about things like that, thus the delicate dance happening between the two high school students in the room with her.

Ask again! Maddie’s eyes say.

You ask. Joe snaps back, tilting his head towards his mom.

They’ve asked Robin five times so far tonight if they can go for a drive together. The second Joe walked out of the DMV with his new privileges, his parents slapped down terms and conditions. The first one? No driving after dark. It’s December in Ohio, so the sun set a long time ago, squashing the potential of an after school drive. Maddie is still 15 for almost 5 months and she’s planning on taking full advantage of her best friend’s license.

“Robin?” Maddie murmurs sweetly.

“No.” Robin says without looking up from her list.

Joe and Maddie release identical sighs, slumping in their respective seats. 

Now what? Joe asks with a popped eye brow.

We sneak out. Her eyes dash to the door.

No. Joe rolls his eyes.

Chicken.Maddie twitches hers.

Stakes are too high. Joe shakes his head. 

Robin and Jimmy wouldn’t hesitate to take away Joe’s driving privileges if he were to follow that plan. Joe breaks eye contact with Maddie, contemplating.

“Mom.” He speaks cautiously.

“Joe.” Robin says tiredly, stretching her head towards the ceiling as if to ask the Lord for his strength.

“What if we stay in the neighborhood? Like these four streets. It’ll be a loop.” Robin pauses, pen hovered over her grocery list. 

“I’ll think about it.” She finally says, grabbing her stack of coupons.

Joe’s eyes dart excitedly to Maddie who hides her mischievous grin in the collar of her soccer sweatshirt. 

It wasn’t a no. The teenagers are wearing her down.

“Do we have enough Gatorade for practice this week? For both of you?” Robin asks the room.

“I’ll check!” Maddie bounces up from the couch to be helpful. She walks into the kitchen, crouching down to the bottom shelf of the pantry and seeing only 6 Gatorades left. “Need more!” She calls out to Robin.

“Thank you, hon.” Robin says when Maddie returns, plopping back down on the couch. “Your homework is done?” Robin directs the question at both kids because Maddie is staying the night in the guest room. Her mom, Julie, is working an overnight nursing shift for some extra money so Maddie can keep playing indoor soccer through the winter in Columbus. Next year, when she can drive, Maddie will finally be allowed to stay home alone overnight.

“Yes.” Both teens respond immediately. Technically, Maddie has a few math problems to finish up, but Joe said he would help her in 1st period. 

“Nice night out there.” Maddie casually tosses out as she looks over her shoulder to see the quiet neighborhood out the window. “No traffic. Clear streets and skies….” Joe puts his laugh into his fist, turning towards the kitchen to avoid completely busting out. 

“Oh my god.” Robin mutters, tossing her list to the side and heading off in the direction of the office where Jimmy has disappeared to continue work. The door opens and shuts. Maddie and Joe don’t dare breathe, waiting for her to return. Robin rounds the wall again, tired and annoyed. “Okay, you can drive the neighborhood and ONLY the neighborhood.” Robin barely looks at Joe before her eyes are on Maddie, pinning her because honestly, she would be the one to get Joe off the rails.

“Yes ma’am.” Maddie and Joe repeat.

“Seatbelts. “ Robin moves her fingers between the two of them. “And you’re back here in 20 minutes. Then it’s time to get ready for bed. I have meetings tomorrow and need to get you to school early.”

“Mom, I can drive us tomorrow.” Joe insists.

“We aren’t there yet, honey.” Robin shakes her head. “We need to buy you a parking pass and discuss rules before we open those flood gates. Take what you can get.” She swirls her finger towards the front door. “20 minutes.”

“Thanks!” Maddie squeals, bolting up and grabbing her school bag. Joe follows quickly behind her to the front entry way where they hop and stumble, getting their shoes on fast.

“Jackets!” Robin yells to them when they try to leave without. 

“Oh my god.” Maddie complains under her breath.

“I know.” Joe grumbles.

But they both grab their winter coats and head out the door before Robin can change her mind again.

“Ah!!!!” Maddie squeals as she slides into the passenger side of his used Toyota Rav-4.

“Sweet, sweet freedom.” Joe grins excitedly, sticking his key in the car and turning the ignition. He moves the gear shift and the car lurches forward instead of backwards.

“Shit.” He looks at Maddie and they both laugh. He almost put the car through the garage door, but that will stay between them.

“Try going backwards this time.” Maddie smirks.

“Great idea, bubbles.” Joe snickers, using the longstanding nickname he adopted for her in 6th grade, in reference to the blue Powder Puff girl. ‘You’re mostly sweet, but when someone pushes your buttons you turn into a ball of rage. Like Bubbles.’ He wasn’t wrong. Still the truth today too.

Carefully, Joe puts the car in reverse and rolls out of the driveway. He turns the wheel to the right then begins a slow drive through the neighborhood. Dorky, happy smiles fill both their faces and they share an excited look. Joe’s right. The whole world has opened up for them now. 

“Okay.” Maddie says, looking over her shoulder to make sure the car can’t be seen from the Burrow house. “Pull over.”

“Okay?” Joe says with hesitation. He pulls the car close to the sloped curve then puts it into park.

“Now what?”

“One sec.” Maddie rummages through the brown messenger bag she uses as a backpack. “Ugh. Crap.” She mutters, realizing her big, metal water bottle squished the packaging some. “Close your eyes.” She tells Joe who does so without question. In the passenger seat, Maddie pulls out the small box of chocolate donuts, arranging them into a stack in her palm. Then she puts a long, pink candle into the middle, letting it rest on one of the rings so it stays mostly upright. She giggles silently to herself then lights the candle with a kitchen lighter from home. “Okay! Open!” Maddie exclaims.

Joe does, immediately seeing the flame. He grins. 

“What’s this?”

“Tradition.” She beams, “We became friends over donuts. Now we celebrate with donuts.” Joe nods, liking her explanation.

“So I do get a birthday wish this year.” 

“You do!” Maddie cheers. “Make it a good one.” She pops an eyebrow at him.

“All I wanted was to get my license.” Joe murmurs logically. “Now I have some actual freedom.”

“Tell your mom that.” Maddie snorts. 

“Eh.” Joe cringes. “I’m kinda her whole world. She can’t help it.”

“Kinda?” Maddie shakes her head, eyebrows twisted in disbelief. “Ow!” She exclaims as hot pink wax drips down the candle and drops into her palm. “Hurry! Make a wish!” Maddie wiggles uncomfortably.

“Oh my god. Hold it still.” Joe complains, reaching out to grab her wrist. His hand, callused from sports, scrapes against the soft skin of her pulse, making it quicken. His thumb stretches over the tendons and veins showing through her pale, Winter skin. He holds her steady, head slightly tilted as he takes the care and consideration for his wish.

Decidedly, Joe’s lips form an oval and he pushes out a smooth puff of air, successfully blowing the candle out. His eyes don’t move from hers and although the flame is gone, Maddie still detects warmth from a spark. Joe’s fingers linger on her wrist, brushing two swipes before it stills again. Then, before she can read anything into that, Joe leans forward and smashes his face into the donuts, gobbling them with his teeth, until donut crumbs explode all over her.

“Joey!” She yells, pulling her hands away from him and using her shoulder to keep him on his side of the car. “You’re an animal!” She shrieks as he continues to chomp at the air. Their laughter fills the car along with the sweet smells of chocolate and dough. “They’re ruined!” Maddie insists, holding up the dilapidated leftovers. “What am I gonna do with this?”

Joe holds his hands out and takes the crumbs from her. He leans back in the driver’s seat, immediately plopping the bigger chunks he can find into his mouth. Maddie leans over, picking a piece for herself off his palm. She tucks it through her lips and chews thoughtfully, wondering if she should keep her recent news to herself. Ultimately, she decides to share.

Her and Joe don’t keep secrets from each other. No reason to start now.

“Minnesota Soccer reached out. They want me to schedule a recruiting trip for the Spring, right after my birthday.” Maddie is a decorated and highly skilled soccer player at Athens. She’s worked hard the last few years to put herself in collegiate recruiting conversations. She’ll have several options to choose from, but if she’s honest, she kind of already has her heart set on Minnesota. They’re not the most premier program in the NCAA, but they would get her out of Ohio and back to the place she grew up. Her dad is still there and yeah he sucks, but Maddie still holds onto hope there could be a different relationship for them.

“Whoa.” Joe murmurs. “Are you considering?”

“Yeah.” Maddie nods, crushing her hands between her knees. Slowly, she turns to look at Joe. His expression is unreadable.

“That’s like… what, four states away?” 

“Yeah. Something like that.” Maddie shrugs. “I really think I might end up going there.”

“I’m proud of you.” Joe tells her quietly. Words like that matter from him. He doesn’t readily share praise or emotion; those reactions have to be justified. “You’ve worked hard for this. Earned it.”

“Thanks, Joey.” She nibbles her bottom lip. “I’m not dumb right? Like… to even consider?” It’s unspoken she is referencing her dad factoring into this decision.

“No. It’s okay to want things to be different and to do what you can to have an chance for that. Plus, being on scholarship there means your dad doesn’t have to pay for school. That’s what you want right? Maybe he will like that too.”

“I’m scared to want this. All he does is let me down.”

“Yeah, I mean, he sucks. But maybe things would be different if you were back there. It’s okay to hope for that.”

“Or it’s stupid.” Maddie points out. “I’ve had almost 16 years of experiences with him. People don’t change.”

“He does try sometimes. But he isn’t consistent about it. That’s the part that isn’t fair.” Joe shrugs, finishing off the last of the donuts. He wipes his hands outside the window, then puts the car back into drive. When they make the loop around the neighborhood, Robin is standing in the driveway looking less than pleased.

“Did you leave the neighborhood?!” She snaps, blonde hair flying in the night as she stands with her hip popped.

“No!” Maddie calls out as they drive by.

“Why haven’t you come around yet?” She stalks the driveway as the car keeps moving.

“He’s driving like a grandma!” Maddie bellows out gleefully. 

“Five more minutes!” Robin yells after them.

“Robin is going to come to college with you. No matter where you go.” Maddie jokes.

“Yeah, that’s why she’s thrilled with my only offer being OU.” Joe laughs, shaking his head. “She won’t have to move.”

“That’s going to change. You’ll get others.” 

“I don’t know. I feel like I stack up well with other QBs in our region, but then I go to camp and I suck. I gotta get better.”

“You will.” Maddie insists. “Nobody works harder than you.”

Joe loops onto his street again. Robin has disappeared back into the house.

The two friends look at each other in unspoken agreement for one more lap.

= = =

October 2014

It’s been a long time since Maddie scanned the stands for someone she knew she wouldn’t find. 

But tonight, on senior night for the graduating girls soccer players, she thought she was safe.

Earlier in the month, her dad, Duncan, insisted he would be here. 7 days ago he did too, hell even 48 hours prior, he confirmed for a third time. “Game is at 7? I’ll make it.”

But now the ceremony is about to start and only her mom, Julie, walks down with the other parents towards the field. Everyone else has two parents, except for Maddie. In a small town like Athens, her family stands out as bruised and broken as it is.

The hot pink headband in her hair squeezes her head too tight, making her temples throb. A large chunk of rock deposits into her throat, making it almost impossible to swallow down dry.

“Big day! Senior night!!” Her mom cheers, clapping her gloved hands and opening her arms up to Maddie for a hug. Julie is dressed in Athens colors including a sweatshirt, vest and hat. On the left side is this year’s picture pin complete with glittering tan and green ribbons flowing from the bottom curve. In the center, Maddie stands with the soccer ball on her hip, looking confident and competitive, proudly showcasing the C on the left side of her jersey. The pin gets crushed between their bodies as Julie hugs her daughter tight, already trying to smooth over the storm brewing. 

“So he isn’t here?” Maddie accuses, searching her mom’s blue eyes. Years of the same conversation has her mom’s face holding kind but neutral. 

“No. There was an emergency at work and he couldn’t… Yeah.” Julie trails off as Maddie scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Why doesn’t he just say no?!” She snaps.

“I know. I’m sorry.” Her mom frowns, shaking her head. What else is there to say?

Julie tries to change the conversation to lighter topics to lift Maddie’s spirits. Complimenting how she looked in warm ups, reminding her of the puppy chow waiting at home, pointing out where her friend, Avery, and the other cheerleaders are practicing their new routine in preparation for regional football championships.

“Look, hon. The Burrow’s are here.” Julie points out excitedly as they walk onto the field for the ceremony. “Jimmy too! He made it back in time!”

Maddie follows her mom’s point, seeing the Burrow’s huddled together. Robin stands, clapping excitedly before thrusting her hands into the air and yelling for Maddie. A smiling Jimmy sits bundled up beside Robin as does Joe sitting on a green, football tie blanket. His long legs stretched over the bleachers as he tosses a simple thumbs up at her. Maddie holds up an L to him, calling him a loser. She can see his grin clearly from the field. He is leading Athens to their first regional championship and is far from the dig.

The ceremony passes in a blur Maddie can barely participate in. She goes through the motions, waving at the crowd, taking pictures with her mom and handing off the bouquet of flowers all the mothers are getting. Julie squeezes Maddie tight, not quite able to believe her baby is a senior in high school. Soon, she’ll be off to the University of Minnesota on a full ride athletic scholarship and Julie will stay here, living the life she built from the smoldering world they left behind in Minnesota when Maddie was 7.

As Maddie stands on the sidelines with her teammates during the national anthem, all she can think about is her ugly history. 

Her parents got pregnant with her when they were 17, seniors in high school with bright futures painted on the horizon. Her dad, Duncan, came from a wealthy suburb and her mom had been from a poor, inter-city family with deeply religious roots. Those roots had her parents finding each other at a private, Catholic high school in Minneapolis where unsupervised time in the boy’s locker room led to Maddie. The reaction was awful, made even worse by two families who shamed their teenagers into getting married to right their wrongs in the eyes of God. 

Nothing was ever quite right in their family from the get go. Her dad resented being held back by a wife and child while Julie did everything she could to create a stable environment for Maddie. Sometimes things were good, usually around holidays when the magic of the season made her parents grateful for their life and each other. But that would naturally fade under the bright lights of reality and things would be bad again. Maddie’s last memories in Minnesota were full of fighting and tears- a lot of quiet dinners with only her mom in a tiny apartment while her dad worked hard at building his resume as a young, hot shot lawyer for his family’s international real-estate business. Now he’s a well-respected, corporate lawyer with loads of wealth to buy Maddie’s forgiveness. Or attempt to. 

Duncan’s success cost them all something though. When he should have been investing in his wife and child, he instead was schmoozing his father’s wealthy clients, negotiating acquisitions to purchase smaller companies, and spending every few days flying to new places across the globe. He was never home and when he was home, it wore on Julie.

After Maddie turned 6, her parents stopped trying and signed the paperwork, agreeing to end their marriage but co-parent amicably. Julie received full custody of Maddie with promises to Duncan of every other holiday and a few weeks together in the summer. With his work schedule, it just made sense. The problem with her dad was that he could be consistent everywhere else except with his daughter. This taught Maddie at a young age that all people do is let you down. 

Now, at 17, it’s like she is learning the lesson all over again. It’s humiliating.

Disinterested in the rest of the anthem, she glances over her shoulder to the stands. Joe is standing, hands in his pockets, body language sore and tired. The football team had practice right before the game, so he hasn’t been home since he left at 6:00am for weight lifting. Nothing could have kept him away from this game though. It means something to Maddie, so it’s matters to him too.

His eyes scan along the sidelines, catching hers with a cocked eyebrow. 

Good?, He mouths. Maddie scrunches her face into a scowl. Take it easy. He continues, face getting serious, hand bouncing over the ground in a settle down motion.

Maddie wouldn’t know how to do that if she tried. She’s a 0 or 100 kind of girl and her best friend knows that. 

Rage ignites Maddie into an outstanding performance. She nets two goals and assists on the third, all over the score sheet in the right ways. And the wrong ones too. 

A yellow card slid in front of her face after three other warnings from the ref for being too physical on the pitch. Coach ends up pulling Maddie in the last third of the game, patting her back with a ‘good job’ and a sigh of relief. 

When the final whistle blows, Maddie jogs out to the handshake line before beelining off the field. She storms into the locker room, kicking her cleats off and slamming her locker shut. She’s gone the second coach releases them, stalking through the school towards the parking lot. Normally, the parents and other spectators hang around the track waiting to talk to the players. Her mom is probably there with the other parents, but Maddie doesn’t care. She needs to go. 

She hustles across the blacktop, fishing out her lanyard with the keys to her old silver Jeep Cherokee. Originally, her dad got her a new, fancy Jeep Wrangler but Julie nixed that immediately, instead they settled on an older, but reliable car. Headlights dash and disappear as cars peel out of the parking lot. The few cars surrounding Maddie’s earlier in the day have left, so she has an unobstructed view of Joe leaning against the hood of her car. His green letter jacket covers his body and a stark, white Ohio State hat makes his head practically glow in the dark. He doesn’t say anything as she approaches, but opens his hand palm up for the keys to her car. She drops them there without breaking a stride. 

After tossing her Nike bag in the backseat, Maddie climbs into the passenger side, feet squishing into empty Gatorade bottles and discarded soccer socks. Joe puts the key in the ignition, then flips the headlights on, immediately pulling out of the parking spot. Maddie doesn’t cry until they’re out of the city limits. Then it’s a raging storm at sea- wet, loud and intense. 

Joe keeps driving, not saying anything, letting the country radio station fill whatever silence there is between Maddie’s sobs. She doesn’t need him to say anything. It’s not like she didn’t see his skepticism all week when she was talking about the things she would do with her dad while he was visiting. He knows the cycle as well as she does now. 

Eventually, Joe pulls up to a lakeside parking lot in the regional park. The water is unmoving and inky, deep in a scary way that makes the world feel too vast in Maddie’s vulnerability. She reaches over, fumbling for Joe’s hand. He laces their fingers together like muscle memory. 

“You’re okay.” He says in a low tone. Although quiet, his voice is steady, sure, in a way Maddie always wants to be but can’t quite seem to figure out. 

“It doesn’t feel like I am. I’m…” She trails off, squeezing her hands into fists. Joe’s fingers get caught in the act, knuckles cracking from the force of her grip. “I’m gonna lose it. Like for real.”

Joe reaches for the lever below his seat to release it. The chair glides all the way back then stops when it reaches the last notch.

“C’mere.” He motions for her to climb over to him. For a moment, Maddie hesitates. 

“What?”

“Come here. Listen to something steady. It will help.” He pats his chest. 

A shiver rolls through Maddie as the cool Fall air seeps in through the car’s old windows. The cracked leather seats under her thighs remind her she didn’t grab her sweatpants. She is still in her soccer uniform instead of weather appropriate clothes. Beside her, Joe is warm and solid, someplace she can collapse into and not have to hold this alone. 

Dejected, she crawls across the console and deposits herself into his lap. It’s awkward at first, knees bumping, thighs catching, but eventually they find the right position to make it work. Maddie’s damp cheek hits Joe’s chest, feet falling back into the passenger seat she just vacated. The backs of her knees knock over her water bottle from practice yesterday. Every part of her touching Joe starts to warm up and relax. Her shoulders soften, tears slow and breathing regulates. He holds her loosely, arms encircling her, but not squeezing her to him, letting her set the pressure. 

“Maybe I should back out of my commitment to Minnesota.” Maddie says after a few moments. Shame pinches her re-opened wounds, thinking about moving closer to someone who doesn’t want her there. Maddie had been going back and forth between Minnesota and Ohio State, where Joe is going, but ultimately choose to close the distance with her dad. “He obviously doesn’t want me near him.”

“If that’s what you actually want, then I would support it.” Joe murmurs, chest rumbling beneath her ear. “But you should be sure before you do anything. You worked hard to get this full ride, bubbles. The last thing you want is to let it go because you’re mad.”

Mad. Yeah. She’s mad.

Not utterly destroyed by the same damn story playing out time after time for 17 years.

Somewhere during Joe’s quiet comfort, Maddie falls asleep, lulled by his steady and warm presence, exhausted from another trip around the cycle too. She dreams there of a different life, a complete family filled with love and kept promises. When Joe nudges her awake again, she’s delirious and sad.

“Hey. We should head back. It’s almost curfew.” 

Maddie nods, almost hungover from the emotional turmoil of the evening. Joe helps Maddie climb back over, one hand steadying on the back of her thigh, while the other protects her head from the dome light. She sighs when she gets back into her seat, putting her socked feet on the dashboard as Joe starts the drive back to school where his car waits. Pulling her phone out of her letter jacket, she sees the worried and frustrated texts from her mom. 

Are you coming out any time soon?

Never mind. Robin said you and Joe took off. Would have been nice to hear that from you before I waited 20 minutes. 

Also, be home by 11.

Madeline, answer me so I know you’re not dead in a ditch.

Maddie begins to type back, I’m not dead in a ditch.

You better be in this house in 12 minutes.

It’s going to be close which means Maddie’s hard night isn’t getting any easier.

“God, I don’t want to go home.” Maddie whines, putting her fingers to her forehead. She massages the tension headache there, brought on by too much vulnerability and not eating after the game. Joe scoffs quietly, shaking his head as if he’s annoyed by her.

“You just spent how long crying about how your dad doesn’t care enough? Now your mom is worried and that’s annoying? Pick a lane, Mads.”

“Two things can be true.” Maddie snips back. “Don’t act like your mom doesn’t drive you up the wall.”

“Yeah, but I also know I’m leaving soon. And when I come back it won’t be the same. Might help for you to figure that out sooner rather than later.” Maddie gasps.

“Why would you say that?!” She looks angrily across the dark car at him. “I can’t handle that shit tonight, Joe.” 

“Well.” He shrugs.

“And by the way, nothing’s going to change with us.” Maddie tells him, stubborn with her words and tone.

Joe says nothing.

He keeps driving back towards school in silence, letting Maddie live in her own world where in 9 months, they’ll both go off to college in different states and nothing, absolutely nothing, will change.

= = = 

January 2016

After 6 months off to college, Maddie finally sees Joe for the first time during winter break freshman year. It’s only then that she realizes maybe some things have changed. College football and heavy weights took Joey Burrow and made him into a man. Thick muscles cover his body, making him stocky and beefy. Maddie can’t stop looking at him across the booth at dinner, which annoys her best friend.

At least that hasn’t changed.

“Would ya stop?” Joe mumbles around the straw he chews on inside their hometown Buffalo Wild Wings. The forty TVs turned to different sporting events cast lights and shadows across their booth on a dead Tuesday night. Maddie recently returned to Athens for winter break after a stuffy Christmas with her dad’s family. Joe is back in town after OSU finished their bowl game the previous weekend. He was waiting in the driveway for her when her mom’s car pulled up.

“You’re like…” Maddie struggles to find the words to describe his transformation. Instead she blows her hands up between their faces with an accented flutter of her lips.

“Swol?” Joe winks, briefly looking up from his phone. A sideways grin shows off his boyishness which makes Maddie roll her eyes. His gaze immediately drops down to his phone so Maddie diverts her attention to the menu. She doesn’t want to try anything new, so she pushes the laminated square away, deciding on boneless BBQ wings and a side of fries. 

“So.” Maddie says to Joe who keeps typing on his phone. “Who are you texting?”

“No one.” He says once she asks, clicking the phone shut again and glancing at the menu. “I’m starving. What are you getting?” Before Maddie can, Joe answers, “boneless BBQ wings with fries and a side of ranch please.” His voice gets squeaky, mimicking the higher tone of her voice.

“If it ain’t broke.” She shrugs. 

“Mhm.” Joe answers, tapping his fingers on the table as he looks over his options. 

When the waiter comes, Joe orders twice as much food as her and they both ask for refills of their Sierra Mists. 

“So tell me everything.” Joe leans back in the booth, bringing both of his feet up on either side of Maddie, locking her legs in place.

“Can you not?”

“My legs are cramping from squatting earlier. I need them up.”

“Your shoes are wet. Stop being a slob.” Maddie slaps his ankle. Joe begrudgingly puts them back down. His elbows hit the table top and he cups his cheeks in both hands, staring at her.

“I heard something from Jaylen.” He wiggles his eyebrows at her, speaking of their mutual, childhood friend.

“Okay.”

“About you having a guy.” 

“Yeah. There’s a guy.” Maddie answers, blushing a tad. Joe smirks at her response, popping an eyebrow.

“Do I get to meet him?”

“No. You’ll tell him all my worst secrets and he’ll run.” 

“Oh. So you actually like this one?” Joe quirks, keeping things light even as he shifts so he is crossing his arms over his chest. Maddie studies his blue eyes, seeing a slight change in the coloring there. It’s less of a reaction than when she dated Tyler, who was a rival quarterback, through junior year. Progress.

“I do like Brent.” 

“Brent?” Joe’s eyes widen and his lips curl with disgust. “That’s barely better than some dude named Chad.” Maddie glares at him, knocking her foot into his shin. “Ow.”

“He isn’t a Chad.” Maddie insists. “He’s smart, going to school for finance and he plays hockey.”

“Yeah. He’s a douchebag.” Joe declares, eyes rolling in exasperation. “Hockey? Yuck. All the hockey players at OSU are tools.”

“That’s probably why your team sucks.” Maddie snaps back. “And I’m happy. Content even. So be happy for me.” This softens Joe. He exhales, big shoulders dropping as he slumps down in the booth more.

“That’s good, bubbles. I’m glad.” Joe responds, mostly genuine. “He better treat you right though. Got some guns here that can take care of him if he doesn’t.” He poses with his biceps curled up showing off the muscle tone. Maddie snorts, wrinkling her nose. 

“Don’t.” 

Joe anxiously rubs a hand over his face and hair, not meeting her gaze anymore, instead opting for the NBA game playing on the TV over her head. 

“What about you?” Maddie asks.

“I’m a love ‘em for a night kinda guy right now.” 

“Getting a lot of ass as the back up quarterback?”

“Actually, yeah.” Joe grins, cocky and clearly proud to tell her so. Maddie’s stomach twists and she glowers.

“That’s so gross, Joe. You need to act right.” 

“Why do you care? They’re fine with it. I’m fine with it. It’s part of college. Just because you want boring, monogamous sex doesn’t mean the rest of us do.”

“It’s not boring!” She snaps immediately. Joe simply looks at her. “He plays hockey. He knows what he is doing.”

“Bare minimum.” Joe points out. 

“Okay. Pivoting. Why is Jaylen talking to you about my business?” Maddie wonders, tilting her head.

“The boys were together earlier. He mentioned it because I said we were meeting up for dinner.” 

“He needs to understand that because he is dating Avery, he is privy to information the rest of the group doesn’t need to know.”

“Okay, so what? I’m the only one who doesn’t need to know?” Joe rolls his eyes. “Because Ave knew. Sierra definitely knew. Drew and Jaylen knew as well. So I’m the only one in the dark here.”

“How did Drew know?” Maddie asks, sneering in disgust. He’s still such a little weasel.

“You drunk Snapped him.”

“Oh.” She frowns. “I don’t remember that.” But it certainly sounds like something she would do after a night at the hockey house.

“So why you keeping your boyfriend a secret from me, bubbles?” Joe drawls slightly, leaning back in the booth again. His arms cross over his chest, making him look twice as big and… different. 

“I’m not.” Maddie frowns deeper, eyebrows furrowing. “I was planning on telling you tonight. I wasn’t sure this was going to turn into anything. Now it’s something.” 

“Something.” Joe rolls his eyes again, but attempts to hide it by dragging his attention back to the TV. The tightness in his jaw has Maddie rocking her cup across the table in front of her. Joe is being more confrontational than she expected. She pauses when a realization floats to the surface.

“Wait. Are you mad?” Maddie asks, surprised. He gets annoyed with her from time to time, sure, but never mad.

“No.” Joe responds immediately. “No. I just.” He tugs at his ear lobe then traces his jaw with his thumb. “You’re important to me. And I miss you. That’s it. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“Joey.” Maddie sighs, reaching for his hand. He doesn’t take the offering. 

“I don’t want us to change.” Joe states bluntly. “You said we weren’t doing that, remember?”

“Nothing has changed.”

“Maddie.” Joe scoffs. His sarcastic look slowly melts off his face into something looking more like despondence before he wipes his face clean of any expression at all. “You’re so far away now.” He says it factually.

This is a weird admission for Joe, so blunt and honest, and Maddie locks in immediately.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Everything is fine.” Joe repeats dutifully.

Their meals comes, halting any response from Maddie. Joe immediately starts shoveling food into his mouth, eyes floating back to the Cavaliers game and completely away from Maddie. It’s the first time Maddie hasn’t known exactly what to say to him. Usually tough conversations come easy to them. But distance and new dynamics have shifted their friendship in a way Maddie wasn’t anticipating. Joe either.

Nothing has changed, she repeats to herself this time. 

But now, the words sound as insincere as ever.