Imagine being a bear. No bills. You can scratch your back on a tree whenever you want. Seasonal weight gain is necessary. No judgement for sleeping 3 months at a time. It would be beary great.

kitten i'll be honest daddy isn't sure he's cut out for full time employment

let's take a picture with your dick in my mouth

wedding dresses are white specifically so that if the bride goes axe-crazy you can rest assured you will see the blood stains all over her and it'll be sick as fuck

as a child i assumed that martha’s vineyard was a fancy private vineyard owned by martha stewart and the reason rich people vacationed there was because they were friends with martha

more women should have the body of a snake imo

more women should have 4 arms

"best I can do is going above and beyond the call of duty"

i need to take someones dad out for a romantic evening of dollar-ritas at applebees and then we come back to his and i eat his ass for 2 hours straight