Ballistic ducks

so you know that cursed sword that slowly drives whoever wields it mad & causes mysterious illnesses? you guessed it: scabbard was absolutely loaded with black mold

got chased by a skeleton but when they caught me they just gave me a kiss and hug. turns out it was an xoskeleton.

"You could get up early and do it before work" I could also wait for a magic beanstalk to start growing in my living room LMAO. Let's focus on things that happen in the real world

recently my elderly shattered-up phone started letting me charge it to 107% which I've been using to get let's just say a little bit extra out of it on long days

added benefit that this makes it crazy warm and soft so I use it to warm up my coat when it's cold outside

Swollen batteries are incendiary explosives.

this one's just a phone

respectfully, ma'am, phone and bomb are not mutually exclusive descriptors

I'm not gatekeeping I'm just speaking from my presently lived experience

When you start speaking from your formally lived experience, be sure to let us know!

I already live every day with undue formality and noble grace

I genuinely can't tell if you're being stupid on purpose

when you feel that way it's a sign that I'm being smart

OP your phone is literally about to explode.

we've been over this, it's just puffy and I poke it with twigs when it gets too hot

Oh god it's the shark post all over again, but this time OP COULD FUCKIN DIE OR BE MAIMED HORRIBLY

that's really not on the table

Hey, I’ve worked in IT longer than anyone else, and it’s totally fine to keep using your phone this way! This is because phones are not bombs so they can’t explode.

as someone who doesn't work in IT, I agree, which creates a consensus across the full spectrum of possible human experiences

My phone nearly exploded (the battery was so swollen I could see the inside of the phone.) you should get your phone looked at

But its a phone those don't explode

They do when the battery is swollen

you're thinking of bombs, easy mistake to make, but I addressed this earlier in the thread

Didn't think this site was still capable of producing stuff like this

I don’t watch the Pitt but I have seen many gifs of it and there is this one little fella who just has the face of a man born to bleed out in the trenches after an unsuccessful turn as a poet in the first world war

It's called being Welsh