down where it's wetter
Galex, complete, 8k, rated E.
George pinches his nose and sighs. “Alright, so you want what? Him to be a merman?” He leaves as long a pause as he can before the second offering. Don’t go. Don’t leave me. But it’s one of his specialities and Alex knows that. “You to be a human?”
“That one! I want the legs, and the feet and the whole- um. The whole package. With the long bit and the two-”
George wants to die. Alex is cupping a hand in front of his tail like he’s juggling a couple of sea urchins and George wants to die.
(But to be real: there are tentacles. you already know whether or not you're going to read this.)
Many, many thanks to @sorbitoldaddy @onadarklingplain and my beloved @latecomersprivilege for reading this despite me peppering in far too much octopus anatomy. Also spiritually this is in honour of the @f1-pussy-curse-fest, I just couldn't wait until October.
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HI THIS IS RBR!GEORGE ANON. you’re so right about the idea of the red bull brand being built around a driver coming in as an adult, i don’t know if that’s been true since before seb first debuted? literally welcome back gpda georgeseb but this time with a gun.
MAX RECEIVES: a toto… dynamic, a waning power unit advantage, direct address to camera apology tiktoks, and the rude awakening that on some level maxcedes is also just about setting another benchmark for kimi.
GEORGE RECEIVES: the proven best combustion engine on the grid, probably hannah schmitz running strategy, and three dedicated second drivers who can all deliver but will probably fall in line behind him naturally for the next couple years.
george at a team that sees value in both his intensity and his affable oddness. i assume alex alternates between a complex trauma response to the rbr logo walking into his garage and laughing at random. we get crazy edits of them both in the suit. this is really going to mess with carmen’s skincare dream when instead of luxury cars he’s now promoting workplace AI solutions as a guest judge at a red bull breakdancing event but she will live. the lack of a team fashion sponsor frees him up to do a personal fashion brand deal, and now they’re friends of the house at burberry.
why am I deciding this is heaven. we could all go to heaven. and it’s red bull. red bull DOES give you wings. i am coping with the 2026 season completely normally. i am so sorry. thank you.
sorry anon i went to bed on you 😅 but i have a coffee and i'm at the beach so i'm ready to digest this ask
The hannah schmitz george teamup oh my god... oh my god i'm having visions........ "a team that sees value in both his intensity and his affable oddness" PLEASE!!!!!!!! This is so true bc like. He wouldn't have to fit himself into such a mould like he does at mercedes?? Rbr has their own team brand but bc they're a fucking. Energy drink. I feel like it's much more flexible and amenable to pick up what george is putting down
CRYING AT THE CARMEN BIT. guest judge at a red bull breakdancing event help. Help. Imagine if rbr was still pulling the shit they used to do with maxiel too - put george in a slutty elf costume to wish fans a merry christmas STAT
i hope max enjoys the poisoned chalice of merc i really hope he does. Haha take a sip max what do you mean it's bubbling ominously and exuding a green smoke. 👍👍👍
This is the heaven i believe in anon thank u for opening my eyes 🙏🫡
George has opened up a bit more about his dad in a new article for the daily main (without paywall below) and it's a genuinely gut wrenching read. If you want to go in knowing while George doesn't acknowledge it as such, his descriptions of his dad's behaviour are very clearly abusive.
It’s poolside at the Ritz-Carlton, South Beach, Miami, and a sun from central casting beams down. Just beyond the adjacent cream sands the day before a shark was spotted amid the white caps of the Atlantic.
Some observers gawped. Many recorded the scene on their phones, quelle surprise, while those in the water rushed to dry land with almost comic alarm, the terrified tripping as they waded to safety.
Now all is quiet, and staff bring over watermelon juice as George Russell sits down to talk. Aged 27, the Norfolk-born driver has contended with the sharp-toothed critters of Formula One to emerge as the outstanding British performer of today.
His consistently accomplished drives for Mercedes this season, and the end of last, underline his rightful status as successor as team leader to no less than Lewis Hamilton, the seven-time world champion he acknowledges as the GOAT.
Russell’s route to Formula One was not travelled on a red carpet. He picks up the story of a hard taskmaster father, Steve, and his protective mother, Alison, of their parental rows over his treatment, and the £1.5million they scrimped and saved to fund his career – and tells for the first time how he has now repaid them every penny of their investment.
‘It was hard,’ he says of his father’s tough love. ‘From the age of seven to 16 you are not mature enough to recognise what your parents are doing for you.
‘My father was working every day from seven in the morning to nine at night to earn his money to take me racing at the weekend. As a kid you question, “Where’s dad?” Oh, he’s at work. “Why’s he at work?”
‘And then we go racing and he is quite stressed from his job. And if I was making silly mistakes, he’d be dead angry with me. In those eight years, there were happy times, but there are lots of sad memories from my parents fighting because of how hard my father was being on me. My mum was trying to hold it all together.
‘It was, “You’re not winning.” The expectation was to be on pole and win every race, at least always be on the podium. Even times when I did win, it wasn’t sunshine and glory on the way home. It was, “But you could have done this better, done that better.”
‘He has moulded me into the guy I am today. He would always want the glass full. He would see where I could have improved while never seeing the positives. I continue the mentality of looking at where I could have done better, while ensuring I see the positives. Otherwise, it can be a very slippery slope.
‘I can now see it with my brother: his kids are starting go-karting and he is working his a*** off to give them the chance. Life isn’t simple, with the stress of work and the rest. And I will forever be grateful for what my dad did.’
‘I just accepted the way he dealt with me. I accepted that if I didn’t win, he wouldn’t be happy with me. And that the journey home would be a long one, and most likely end in tears.’
Did young George get the silent treatment?
‘No, I’d be b******ed,’ he recalls. ‘I see it now that kids who are born with a silver spoon in their mouths don’t have the same work ethic as those who had massive discipline over them from a young age.
‘My father was working every day from seven in the morning to nine at night to earn his money to take me racing at the weekend.'
‘If I could turn back the clock knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t change a single thing’
‘So, from my father’s perspective, would he wish that for those six, seven, eight years that he had a closer relationship with his son? Maybe. But those years set me up for life.
‘If I could turn back the clock knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t change a single thing.’
How is Russell’s relationship with your father now, I wonder. Closer?
‘Hmm, yeah,’ he says. ‘What was amazing with my father is that when I was signed by Mercedes (on their Young Driver Programme eight years ago) he opened the cage door and let me fly.
'It went from being a super-controlling, super-emotional, b******ing every time I didn’t do well, to suddenly feeling he could pass me on to the next chapter.
‘Now he supports me from afar every single session. He is taking care of grandkids.’
Steve Russell was involved in agriculture, a seed and wheat merchant – his factory a first port of call after harvesting prior to distribution. ‘He sold the business to fund my racing,’ adds Russell. ‘In 2012.’ Russell was just 14 then.
‘For where we lived, my father was an exceptionally successful man. But in that industry success was making a profit. Now we are in a world of unrealistic wealth with billionaires around us.
The Norfolk-born 27-year-old has now made 133 grand prix starts, with three race wins
Mercedes boss Toto Wolff’s ardour for world champion Max Verstappen seems to have waned, just as Russell’s results increasingly make their own argument
He is out of contract this year but remains confident of re-signing. His results should make that a slam dunk
Russell's new Mercedes AMG One, which has a top speed of 219mph and accelerates from 0-186mph in 15.6sec
‘We could have lived a very happy life had he not done that. I have paid everything back that he spent on me. I made it clear that as soon as I made money, I wanted to pay everything off. It was about £1.5m.’
The dividend can be measured, among other achievements, in the car Russell has just bought – the AMG One supercar. A limited edition of 275, the coupe was initially listed at $2.7m (£2m). It has a top speed of 219mph and accelerates from 0-186mph in 15.6sec.
It is the first car Russell has ever bought, having started on the road in a white Polo bought by his parents – 60bhp, top speed of 100mph with a following wind. And there was no reduction for Mercedes’ top driver for his new car. He chose a navy blue that glistens in the sun. His racing number – 63 – is inscribed at his request.
He intends keeping the car forever (despite receiving an offer worth double what he gave for it), to go with his company G Wagon and the vintage 300 SL he hopes to add to his portfolio.
Three cars – that’s ‘all’ he wants in his garage at home in Monaco; no huge collection. All are Mercedes, we note, a telling symbol of his commitment to the Silver Arrows.
He is out of contract this year but remains confident of re-signing. His results should make that a slam dunk. Both he and boss Toto Wolff are talking optimistically of a successful conclusion, probably this month or next.
Helpfully, Wolff’s ardour for world champion Max Verstappen seems to have waned, just as Russell’s results increasingly make their own argument.
With Russell in Miami, as she is at most of his races, is his Spanish girlfriend Carmen Montero Mundt, 26. She did not know he was a racing driver when he stood in for a friend who was due to go on a date with her. That was in London in 2020. She is upstairs on the terrace as George and I talk. He pays her this tribute as his rock in a volatile world.
With Russell in Miami, as she is at most of his races, is his Spanish girlfriend Carmen Montero Mundt, 26
The Mercedes driver has paid tribute to his girlfriend, labelling her his rock in a volatile world
She did not know he was a racing driver when he stood in for a friend who was due to go on a date with her back in 2020 in London
‘As for Carmen I feel lucky having her around. She is my emotional support in the world of instability I live in.'
‘I left school at 13 and have very few friends to be honest,’ he says. ‘It can be a lonely life. You are in different hotels, different countries, different time zones, different climates.
‘Mondays are emotional hangover days after a race. A slap in the face if you are on a high after a good result, and a slap in the face after a bad one if you dwell on it. I play padel to get my mind off things, rather than sit inside scrolling through social media.
‘As for Carmen I feel lucky having her around. She is my emotional support in the world of instability I live in. I wouldn’t change anything in my life now or what went before.’
Now he is off for a run – a peaceful 7km, next to the ocean where the sharks prowl.
the full story behind naming the wasp discovered in amber fossil after Oscar is actually so fucking endearing
"To settle the discussion, I jokingly declared that I would name a species after Oscar Piastri because I have been cheering for him since his rookie season. I admire both his driving and his calm, professional attitude."
"Discovering a completely new species is not an everyday occurrence, so I had no idea whether I would actually get the opportunity," Jouault explained. "The only thing I knew was that it would probably be a wasp, since that is the group I specialise in. There was also a nice connection with the PiastriHive theme in Oscar's fan community, with bees being a specialised type of wasp."
"After comparing it with all known relatives, we identified a unique combination of characteristics that clearly separated it from every other known species. That was the moment when I realised: 'This is it. I've found my Piastri species.'"
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hiii same anon from earlier!! THE EVIL WILLIAMS DEMOTION!!!! also secretly kind of my favourite option. though i will say… i’ve talked myself into enjoying one other option that at first i hated on principle. you do not have to entertain my delusion. but. if maxcedes is truly happening and no one else moves, so red bull logically has to make george an offer for a straight up #wifeswap. i’ve weirdly convinced myself that red bull is the best possible thing that could happen to george’s personal brand. it’s so clearly wrong that suddenly any pathway to making it work is pure fun. the branding angle is like… the buttoned up but beloved teacher in the coming of age film who by the end has learned to loosen his tie and breathe for the first time in his life.
it would have to be a complete rebrand from the mercedes man he’s worked so hard to be that it genuinely introduces a fun element of like… well are there things about him that got filed away to make sense for the properness of the “character” he played in contrast to lewis that work here? there’s a whole angle to play with of that britishness, but giving it a little less pomp, a little more bite. a little sexy, even. george russell takes his red bull shaken, not stirred. the same stylish sheen, but less polish. after the whatsapp farm video, i’m wondering if he’s the perfect candidate for some of the red bull “we’re sending you to an extremely specific regional sports event to try it out” content. you let the vcarb admins at him and i think they treat it like the biggest opportunity of their lives.
then i remembered the rumour that seb is potentially on the cards to come back to red bull in some leadership capacity in the next few years and i decided that actually this isn’t a bad thing and this is secretly the best thing that could ever happen to george russell. george russell first driver at sebastian vettel’s red bull is real and it can happen to us. and it all comes with pre-paid galex angst.
russ bull is real to no one but me in my mind and also now in your inbox. feel free to delete this message and pretend it never happened. amen.
oh my god hi anon, sorry for delay in replying but i saw this when i was at work and needed to wait until i got home to reply to this properly. which luckily gave me the entire workday to turn it over in my head because holy fuck
the image of george in a rbr racesuit alone is absolutely diabolical to me but like……….. this is so compelling. of course george’s brand would need to shift - but so would red bull’s, because they’ve been the max verstappen propaganda machine for almost a decade and if he’s not there anymore then who’s driving the car!!! (literally, in this case)
i am obsessed with the “shaken, not stirred” red bull bc like george WOULD bring that vibe to the team. it would be toned down to what he’s like as mr mercedes but something something about the boy kings red bull has built their empire on, something something about george coming in as a fully formed adult to reshape it.
and oh my gOD the concept of george being a driver with seb’s red bull i am receiving this ask like a message from god. i wasn’t even aware of any rumours of that re: seb and right now idc if they’re total bullshit, this is SPEAKING to me this is ENTHRALLING me can you imagine. what if the red bull racing team was just the gpda in a trench coat. like george seb that’s the thing i’m sensitive about……….
i would never pretend this never existed anon. i am preaching this from the heavens. i am receiving your sermon on the mount. i can’t believe i’m entertaining the concept of red bull!george but i am………. by jove i am………… and it is beautiful…………
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Merc allow George to be slandered for 24 hours after each race weekend then come out and say “our bad guys we actually accidentally gave him a poison apple before he got in the car it’s on us well review as a team to make sure this doesn’t happen again” and next week it’s another poison apple
okay as one of the peak georgegirls to me. i know we all love to say "get him out" as a general thing. but in a perfect world where you could pick another team for george to move to (not worrying about logistics/driver swaps/seat availability unless you want to)... where would you want george to be? :)
first of all "one of the peak georgegirls" is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me anon
second of all.... man. Like do i think george would ever want to leave mercedes? Absolutely not! He spent his whole career cultivating his image toward their brand and doing everything in his power to get that seat, and honestly that fact makes me even MORE furious in terms of how merc seems to be treating him this season. However if he had to move somewhere else.......... maybeee mclaren?? (In my head this would entail max > mercedes, oscar > red bull, george > mclaren). Do i think george would be happy in that highlighter orange race suit? Well no! But out of all the teams i can maybe see that the easiest, tho it's honestly almost impossible to divorce him from mercedes, as mad as i am at them :((
(in an evil au that lives in my head george loses his seat at merc and carlos leaves williams, meaning his seat is open, meaning george goes back, meaning all that work getting out of a backmarker team into mercedes was for nothing. And then in 2030 he and alex are fighting for the championship)
saw this tweet and wanted to share it and say MAX AND DANIEL: "A few years ago, I agreed to marry someone if we both reached a certain age single, and she just messaged me to ask how I want the ring HAHAHAHA" (link if it works: https://x.com/iTumblr147/status/2065697848713212393?s=20)
LOOK, OKAY, a world where they're both single and Daniel hits 35 and gets a happy birthday text from Max that just says 35! what kind of ring do you want? and the next message is a screenshot of their drunken signed napkin from 2018 agreeing to get married if Daniel got past 35 and was single.
Daniel, a bit birthday drunk and suddenly nervous even though it's a joke, texts back I'm not past 35 until next year buddy
and Max texts back a thumbs up and yes of course i'll be back in a year
Daniel does NOT put any thought into why he cuts off repeaters after three fucks over the next few months, or why he makes excuses to friends who try to fix him up with their friends who are apparently perfect for him, or, indeed, why he turns down his ex-girlfriend who says she's had a change of heart and she misses him and maybe they could give it another go. He also does not think at all about why he checks an F1 WAGs gossip Reddit every few weeks for any mention of Max at all, and feels a sense of relief when there's no new gossip.
He definitely does not think about the number of times he replays a video clip of Max being asked if he's single and ready to mingle, and Max replying, "I'm single but not ready to mingle, I am just waiting," and declines to elucidate but does, in fact, grin at the interviewer.
Or the message that comes on New Year's Eve that just has a picture of one of Daniel's own rings, and a link to a website that just says this is where you got this ring from i think. they do other kinds of rings too ;)
And Daniel has to sit down at the edge of the dance floor at the bar he's at for a new year's party and not think too much about the backwards engineering Max will have had to do to a) look in detail at Daniel's ring collection and b) know it's one of Daniel's favourites and c) identify where it came from and d) really seem to be fucking serious about their napkin-witnessed promise and e) Max's hand-typed winky face emoji.
He definitely doesn't think about the message he sends back at 4am on January 1st that just says, love that ring, love that store or Max's immediate response of next year we will be together for new year or Daniel's horrible, drunken response of ❤️❤️❤️.
He does, however, think quite a lot about the message he sends in April with a link to a tiger ring from the website. The one that says, imagine if this was a lion.
Max is racing, but he sends a message almost immediately the race is done, even before the podium has aired. does this mean i will have a honey badger on mine haha
And Daniel, before he can second guess himself, sends back the other link he has open. Says, I was thinking you'd like something plainer. like this.
There's a longer pause this time, other calls on Max's time. It's a few minutes before Max replies, yes Daniel. Like that.
Daniel paces his living room for a bit, presses his face to the wall for a minute and breathes. He texts back, maybe we can have stupid lion and honey badger ones for engagement rings instead
A longer pause this time. Muted on the TV, Max is doing media interviews. Daniel sees him reach for his phone at the end of them.
I will have them custom made. A pause. A blue heart. 💙.
Daniel is up with the birds on his 36th birthday. He's waiting for a text.
In the end, though, it's not a text. It's a knock on his door. Max on his doorstep brandishing a ragged napkin from 2018 in one hand and a gift bag from a ring store in the other.
"They're really, really ugly," Max says, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation. "These are the ugliest rings I've ever seen in my life."
"Eh," Daniel says, without looking in the bag. "Maybe we'd better get married sooner rather than later, then. Switch them out for the more permanent kind."
Max's eyes are bright. "I've got the licence applications open on my phone."
Daniel grins. "I'm past 35," he says, because he is.
"And I'm tired of waiting for you," Max says, and laughs.
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