Signs you might have endured childhood sexual abuse:
missing memories, reoccurring nightmares, blurred memories, unexplained fear of touch
waking up with a burning feeling and no memories of what happened
flashbacks to events youāre unsure if they were or werenāt sexual assaults
low self confidence, low self worth, extremely closing in, fear of being publically humiliated
your private parts hurting or feeling weird and aroused with undertone of fear and panic
feeling nauseous and sick to your stomach from nightmares or even thinking about sex
feeling panic and terror upon the idea of someone touching you sexually, or touching you at all
lack of any kind of sexual attraction, inability to figure out sexuality
having intrusive thoughts about rape and sexual abuse, not being able to imagine sexual scenario where youāre not forced into it against your will
not having any sexual desire of your own, feeling like itās up to others to use your body for their pleasure, not wanting to participate in it
feelings of numbness, dissociation, feeling like your limbs donāt belong to you, feeling dissociated from your genitals or private parts as if theyāre not a part of your body
feelings of disgust of your own body, feeling your body is distorted and wrong
dysphoria and strong discomfort with the shape of your body
strong desire to change the appearance of your body to one that wouldnāt be viewed as sexual
weight gain/weight loss, feeling more comfortable in a body that isnāt likely to be seen as attractive and thus less likely to become a target of sexual abuse
or opposite, feeling that without being attractive youāre not good for anything or anyone
constant sexual behaviour and acting out as only way to cope with low self confidence
hypersexual behaviour, inappropriate touching of others, sexual abuse of other children without realizing that youāre doing anything wrong because itās normalized in your mind
sexual attraction only towards a group with a big age difference (for instance, if youāve been abused by adult, you can end up only attracted to someone much older than you)
addiction to sexual abuse, craving pain and only feeling good if thereās power play and violence involved in sexual activities
feeling that people using you sexually, harming, controlling, objectifying and dehumanizing you for pleasure and enjoying your pain is a normal and okay
strong desire to play out certain sexual scenarios and getting a thrill out of them, but also feeling uneasy and uncomfortable about them
strong arousal while watching depictions or reading descriptions of rape and sexual assault
involvement in sexually degrading, dangerous, and impulsive sexual behaviour, not feeling like you can control your impulses, engaging in unsafe and painful sex
strong inner fear of not being good enough for anything but sexual activities or being used sexually
involvement with pornography, prostitution or other psychologically and physically damaging industries due to inner feeling that youāre not good enough for anything else
Once you had endured childhood sexual abuse, these factors are reinforcing the trauma and forcing you to re-live it, thus also abusive:
being stripped in front of others without your consent
being forced into physical contact with others when you donāt want to (hugs, kisses, being held, being restrained)
being humiliated for showing symptoms of sexual abuse (wetting bed, having infections or any kind of problems with genitals, shying away from touch, showing weird sexual behaviour)
having your private areas touched or medically examined without your consent
sexual abuse survivors being shamed and blamed in front of you, reinforcing the idea that it was your fault and that youāll get the same treatment if you ever speak up
being forced to wear type of clothing that will make you feel unsafe (for instance, being pressured to wear revealing or too short clothing that makes you feel like a sexual target)
being objectified and told in any way that youāre only good for sexual activities/sexual abuse
confessing about what happened and being blamed it
confessing and having someone yell at you, blame you, minimize it, try to force you to forget it or keep it down, shaming you for it, or acting like it was in any way a normal or tolerable thing
confessing and having people act like you destroyed the family by saying it out loud
confessing and having people side with the abuser
confessing and being accused of lying, making it up, or dramatizing
confessing and still not being protected from the abuser, nobody prosecuting or looking to prosecute the abuser, nobody offering you reassurance or compassion for what you went through
