Terribly Exposed

Goodbye tumblr. I haven’t been here in a while, but since this used to be my escape before, I feel it’s fitting to end it all here. Down bellow you’ll find a letter I wrote a few minutes ago.

Today is my last day on this wretched earth. On my last day, I managed to screw up everything I hold dear. My father probably hates me.

I know he loves me, but he hates who I’ve become. He hates the fact that I’m not even a fraction as smart as he raised me to be. As hardworking, as determined, as good. I am a disappointment to everyone.

My best friend Gabs who is one of the few people who took the time to understand me doesn’t see how toxic I am. I’m hoping that in some time after I pass, he will. He will. Because I don’t deserve to be in this earth. All I do is lie to myself all day. I lie that I can do this, that I’m a positive influence and presence in my loved ones’ life. But I am not. I am scum. I have been for years now. I blame everything on my disease, but it’s not really the disease’s fault. It’s mine. To my core, i am a depraved individual. Deeply disturbed, all round bad. Bad. To the deepest parts of my soul. I am bad. A bad person. Why? Why did I have to be this way? On my last day I have hurt someone whose life was ruined by me. Just from the fact that I exist. She hates me now. And she’s right. I hate me too. Who wouldn’t

My poor mother will be so disappointed

Heartbroken

She is the only person who is mostly blind to my depravity. She thinks the world of me, and I leave now with such sorrow in my heart that she will have to go on without me. I’m her support system. I don’t know what’s going to happen to her

Why did I choose to kill myself?

Well, leaving to a place where I can’t hurt anyone isn’t an option

The only thing that can assure that is death

Death

Death

I deserve this