BackDoorAngel

Joey … I can’t believe it’s been two decades now … in so many ways it just seems like yesterday … that last day we spent together at the farm – I had no idea it would be the last time I saw your face – and your beautiful hair – and your gentleness – and the cuddle you gave me, last thing … and, in other ways, it seems like such an unbearably long time, as if it’s forever … too, too long, and my heart aches unbearably with the longing to hug you and to just speak with you again … 

And to protect you, too … 

I have done so much in the last twenty years – I have taken charge, my life, taken actions, changed facts of my life so much, fixed irredeemable things, well-played the hands I was dealt, lived through more than one tragedy that would have permanently downed a less-courageous heart … I’ve basically reinvented myself, and accomplished so much, in addition to have survived, recovered from so many things – but not from your loss, not ever … 

And this also brings home all the things you should be doing, right now, just how deeply you should be on this life’s journey, living your life, Jo, too, you should be, you should have been living and experiencing so many things through the last two decades, too – and there is so, so very much you should be doing and experiencing and living right now … 

I remember our little conversation where you told me that one day you’d see Paris … I remember, when we first lost you, I couldn’t even take a shower without crying and crying over how you should be experiencing such every small moment of every day … 

Your entire precious life, Joey … 

It’s so, so injust … 

The universe needs to balance your scales, Jo, in your favour, your future. And the universe will deal with that murderer – he has quite some evil weight to face on his scales … 

I still have the nightmares, still now, too … and the dreams of you, Jo … 

And the flashbacks. I sometimes have the good ones where I remember so many moments, from our childhood, your face, so clearly, something you said, or your laugh, or a moment we shared and something small and wonderful that we did … 

like for example my cat always speaks to me when I come home and i meow back to her and she’ll meow again & even though i don’t think twice about it to her it’s probably a situation where it’s like

her, meowing: “im glad you’re home”

me, meowing back: “tax benefits”

“I’M GLAD YOU’RE HOME!”

“tax benefits”

“NO, I’M GLAD YOU ARE HOME”

“waffle iron”

Hypersensitive, introverted humans are often mistaken for antisocial, and as a species, we are myopic and anthropomorphize EVERYTHING.

Semi-social animals are not naturally intuitive to humans.

Dog packs very closely mirror a nuclear human family, made up of a mother and father and their pups, who leave to find their own mates and start their own packs as they mature beyond young adult hood.

Pigeon flocks are like a villiage comprized of one big, extended family, where children mostly stay close and new birds marry in.

Cats don’t work that way. There is no firmly set social structure for more social domestic cats to fall back on. None of the species they are thought to come from are naturally social. They mate, have kittens, and those families disperse to the four winds as soon as the young become self sufficient.

We have selected for higher tolerance to crowding and confinement, but that does not a social structure make.

A group of cats is more like random collage dorm or house mates. Whether or not they get along and how many the group can support long term depends on how well their individual personalities mesh, regardless of blood relation.

Kittens are more out going and have more energy than adult cats, but as they age, being playful and taking the risk of being friendly takes more energy than they have, so they go from being willing to play with every one to prefering the company of favorite familiar entities that have taken the time to learn about that individuals needs and preferences.

Humans, who naturally form close knit pack bonds, are generally out going, and do their very damnedest to form life long bonds of friendship see a cat’s intense curiosity and wary shyness of approach as stalkerish, and its need for quiet solitude when overstimulated (coupled with just *how* fast they become overstimulated) as fickleness, and are completely heartbroken when a friendly, out going kitten grows into a relatively shy, reserved cat.

With no effort to understand, what the average human sees is a sly, untrustwothy animal that is friendly one second, and warninglessly aggressive the next, not because there actually was no warning, but because feline body language is very subtle.

Once again, due to a cat’s sensitivity.

To a cat, humans are VERY loud, over the top dramatic, and socially dense as a fucking brick.

They have to scream EVERYTHING to get across to most of us, and that shit is exhausting.

it was a month before he came up to me and it was hard but i sat kinda near him every day i would treat him like he was a new cat and let him smell me before trying to pet him and if he even looked uncomfortable id gently stop and just sing or talk to him

now he climbs on my back and jumps on my shoulder if i dont pay attention to him so it takes work and time

I also have been doing some more research (it’s what I do, after all!) and I am interested to read that the longevity of the existence of blogs is estimated to be only between 30 days to 100 days?! Three months?! “Be very careful, everything you put online is there forever and seen by millions!” – um, nope!

Interestingly, the first week to ten days after posting is described as the time of the *shout* or shouting or shout-out and, apparently, at least 50% of any online post’s views will be in the first week to ten days of its entire lifetime existence; any post’s following month is considered an “echo”; and what we call “archive” posts are merely “reverberations” … that’s all we’re really doing, in the long run, quite poetic, is it not, merely leaving echoes.

So … someone very close to me, shall we say, started a new tumblr … and, to my surprise, we can now see the “recommended blogs” and so-called “similar blogs” to those we are newly following … specifically, my other tumblr’s, which I’m giving up on because of the daily onslaught of spam bots and, simultaneously, tumblr’s current censorship of body positive real women, bloggers, nude artists, photographers, creators …

Well, do you know what, my main body-positive blog, lollipopvelvet, has evidently been categorized by tumblr alongside porn bots and fetishizing (without consent) sites which are exactly the ones who have stolen my photos in the past – these are the shitty blogs that tumblr’s system is bringing up as “like” my little lollipopvelvet … So dismayed and distressed by this.