καρχαριάπολος

hello gay people . please read my jonmartin fic where they are classics majors (i promise i have more than two chapters this time)

I will always take the cat's side. "she's drooling on me" you're so lucky "he always wants to be petted" then pet him "he's mad I won't let him on my desk" make room on your desk for him. I am your cat's defense lawyer and the cat is always innocent on the grounds of them being A Little Kitty Cat.

[SPIKES MINI OFFICE BASKETBALL AT OUR OFFICE HOOP] NO WORRIES [MISSES AND KNOCKS OVER SOMEONES MONITOR] ABBY ROQUE TO SAN JOSE FOR SURE

Reminds me of Jason Kander, former Missouri Secretary of State. When he went to the VA hospital to treat his PTSD, he told the nurse that Obama told him he should run for president, and she thought he was delusional.

Correction: It was worse. She asked him how long he's been hearing voices.

I think I'm gonna make this my go-to story. It's not the worst I've ever heard, which is an asset because people won't believe you if you tell them the actual bad stuff those people do. And it just perfectly sums up the casual arrogance everyone working in mental health seems to have. The way they treat you as inherently Lesser for being in their care.

If they can't even handle basic, easily verified shit like "I'm a lawyer" they are never going to believe you when you tell them that you know how to manage a condition you've been dealing with for decades better than they can or will.

taking my gamer dog out for a walkthrough

a deeply underrated part of the gay taylor swift conspiracy theories is that if they're right and she really has spent over a decade sending subliminal messages based on minute details for people to decode then she's uuuuuh. I mean she's insane. she's jigsaw. she's the riddler. her dad bought her career because if she didn't have music to distract her she would have started building deathtraps.

fact of the matter is, we're never meaningfully gonna address the anorexia crisis until you guys work actively to address and dismantle fatphobia. the reality of the situation is that going "you have to eat :( its okay to gain weight <3" does not work as a meaningful refutation when y'all then turn around and punish fatness financially socially medically physically. sickness is not always irrational- there is at current moment social benefit to being dangerously thin. you have all essentially made it socially acceptable for someones worst fear to be looking like us, like thats not a fucking crazy thing to just accept as being a valid fear. the first step to combatting this stuff is and has always been to stop pushing fat bodies out of public spaces

I’m gonna be so fr rn, yall gotta stop acting like women’s sports only contributions/offerings are 1) that most of the athletes are queer 2) some sort of “morally pure” version of the sport. you don’t realize that you’re doing it but you’re de-valuing them to a point of queerness + morality meter. which the latter is just insane when there are POS’ amongst women’s sports

“Don’t watch the NHL, watch the PWHL! They’re actually gay!” why is that the only selling point to you

zeev hitting up mack rn like “and how does it feel to have a wiener dog named after you win something before you do”

nobody else doing it like me. particularly because the way i’m doing it is needlessly difficult

I get that sex and drugs are fun but even im like. at least have a 3rd thing. at least one more hobby. you can have a 3rd hobby. this isnt a purity thing this is a some of u are fucking boring thing.

rock & roll

girl i just walked into that one like a coyote with a painted tunnel