Go Sharknado

if you firmly believe cowboy cats would say meowdy hit that mf reblog

i sleep nude because if someone ever breaks into my house they gotta fight me while im naked and i dare you to try and swing on a nigga when his dick is out

You are grade A guarenteed to get yourself hurt with this mindset? You think I’m afraid to grab a dick and yank it, bruh? You think I won’t get my hands dirty on your dick in order to end you? You got the wrong one, man—and your ass better hope I don’t have a knife.

didn’t think it could get any better, yet here we are

Fun fact: your brain is trying to find the person you’re talking to because it hears them but can’t see them.

Fucking stupid ass brain

today i was talking to my coworker jess and she said to me “i’ve been trying to think of how to tell my husband that i want a horse. i’m really non confrontational and i don’t know how to tell him. like, thanks for the flowers, but i want a horse.” and i was like, “well, you could always send him subliminal messages. like tape pictures of horses all over the walls and stuff” and she gave me this really weird look and was like “i said divorce not horse“ oh my god…

classic material

my cat licked my forehead and then tapped it with her paw i think i just got baptised

dont date someone who doesnt enjoy talking to you a lot

dont submerge yourself in water and inhale 

I think I might have broken my finger reblogging this. 

EVERYONE TAKE A MINUTE TO JUST APPRECIATE THE FACT THAT DONALD GLOVER EXISTS AND KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK IS UP

the first post ever on tumblr

I WAS EXPECTING IT TO BE A REMAKE OF SOME SORT HOLY FUCK

WHO THE FUCK KEEPS BRINGING THIS BACK

reblog this because it shows up every blue moon

I FOUND IT ✊

I WAS SO SCARED IT WOULDNT BE THE ORIGINAL

Who first posted this?

When I was 17 my appendix ruptured because I thought I was just having period cramps and didn’t go to the hospital so don’t tell me PMS symptoms are no big deal

I am boosting the shit out of that reply, because I am twenty-fucking-five years old and did not know how to tell the two pains apart

also keep in mind: if you get gas cramps or pains often like me, you might not know when it’s your gallbladder. if the pain seems to resonate from your right side (right about where your elbow would rest if you had your arms at your side) and seems to also resonate to your back, it ain’t gas, go to the hospital.

Praying is swell and all, but you can also preemptively donate to Hurricane Patricia relief organizations, such as ShelterBox or the Red Cross so that Mexico can receive immediate assistance. And please feel free to reblog this with additional and/or better donation links, as I could only do a cursory Google search while at work.

Wow.