I don't know what's happening

I so wish bobs burgers was real so i could be a passerby....ur friends invite u out to eat and ur like ok and u show up and the owner is standing out front screaming at the italian guy across the street....u bypass him and go inside and ur like isnt this the restaurant that got busted for serving human flesh and ur friends are like ya....u look at the chalkboard and it says the burger of the day is the texas chainsaw massa-curd burger and ur like ok....theres a teenage girl under one of the tables and shes like uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..there sre two guys that appear to be a gay couple at the counter and one of them has the worst toupee youve ever seen in your life, the other one is literally always here like every time youve been here hes here.....ur waitress is 9....at no point are u offered a beverage

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this is the oldest post on all of tumblr, posted in october 2006 before the website even launched publicly in 2007.

“my child is fine” your child has long ebony black hair with purple streaks and red tips that reaches her mid-back and icy blue eyes like limped tears

“my child is fine” your child understood this reference

I gotta go I'm doing hot girl shit *continues to peel the yellow wallpaper*

Yay, no more Soundbible!

The direct link: https://www.nps.gov/yell/learn/photosmultimedia/soundlibrary.htm

For any content creators who’d like it!

[Image one: closeup on someone’s hand opening a can of Coca-Cola. Image two: Landscape photo of Yellowstone National Park, two mountains in the background and a buffalo in the lower right hand corner.]

RAW SLAVIC POWER AND SEXUAL ENERGY

that music is so balkan i cant lmfao

This absolute slapper of a banger of a song is called Serbetico and it’s by Goran Bregovic, who makes a lot of cool Balkan semi-orchestral folk-ish waltz type stuff. He’s even made music with Iggy Pop and Johnny Depp.

when/why does he change pants

Can we talk about how in zombie shows/movies/books they always find a veterinarian and not a surgeon? Are veterinarians deemed more likely to survive the apocalypse?

This post is deemed culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant as certified by the National Shitpost Registry.

everyone talks about “did you put your name in the goblet of fire” being the worst book to movie dialogue fail but lets be real the worst is where hermione answers a question in class and snape calls her an “insufferable know-it-all” and in the book ron is furious and he goes OFF and says “you asked a question and she knows the answer! why ask if you don’t want to be told?” but in the movies they just make him say “he’s got a point, you know” and i’m still mad about it

Trans men who are tops are braver than any US soilder

Full offense but the people with the most biggest dick energy i have ever met are all trans men. Have you ever seen a trans man incel? No you havent cause they’re all fucking chads who could fuck your mom and youd say thank you after

why are there no books about lesbian sex magick

It’s an oral tradition

Bold of you to assume there will be icebergs by 2022

the titanic II gonna hit a garbage island and sink, you heard it first from me