nina iseri character analysis/a commentary on episode 10
nina, at her core, is someone merely trying to survive. her story is one of writhing and resistance, one that entails her growth through love. nina iseri is, without a doubt, a victim. she is a victim of neglect and abuse, but her identity is only more than her victimhood because she herself has made it that way, because she never let herself be a victim again. in the beginning of the show, all she was focused on was proving those who didn't believe in her wrong, to where she even risked her own personal autonomy in order to succeed that. she went to a prep school and spent all her days studying endlessly without giving any thought to whether or not she wanted it; all she cared about was proving herself right and not her actual happiness. she had no social interaction, living an isolated and (literally) dark life. she had no light, merely desperately trying to light one for herself. but how can you succeed for someone else without eventually burning out? how can you do well for yourself without inevitably crashing? rather than 'living' she was merely 'surviving' by playing by the rules of those she hates in order to win. it is a losing game, through and through. thoughts like: “i’ll go to college to prove them wrong,” or “i’ll succeed and then i’ll have won,” are meaningless. it is resistance, but it is the sort of resistance set up to kill you in the end. it was only once nina found what she wanted to do through momoka that she could finally begin to 'prove them wrong'; by living as herself. to prove them wrong her own way, by the rules she crafted, is perhaps the only way to win. episode 10 is beautiful to me because, i have recently found that, although humans may change, may feel as if they’ve done something revolutionary for their growth, being confronted with their trauma tends to negate this. you can change, you can become the very person you desire to be, but once you are faced with hardship, who knows if you’ll revert to the person you once were. it is beautiful to me because nina, with all of her pride and her tenacity, didn’t budge a single inch. she trusted her capability to choose what was best for her, what she truly wanted.
something i love very dearly about episode 10 is not just what was mentioned earlier, but the root of nina’s pain. nina wasn’t hurt by the bullying, by the assholes who picked on whoever looked weak, but by her father. she was stabbed in the back by her father. a figure who is meant to help you, to stand for you, to protect you, did nothing but stand by idly when nina was being pushed into the ground, when her injustice was so clear. her father, whom she loved, turned a blind eye to her own suffering. he told her, whether through words or actions is unimportant, to shut up and take it. even though he was supposed to listen to her. perhaps, nina could have endured it if only he encouraged her, if only he was on her side. her suffering was never acknowledged, not even by her father. even though everyone could see it, even though it was so obvious, nobody fought for nina. even though she was in the right, how could the whole world sit there and tell her she was wrong? what if she was? something very important to note is that nina, even by her own words, was very close to killing herself back then. a loss of identity is equivalent to death, and a loss of identity is equivalent to surrendering; nina, beside herself, was very close to surrendering to what everyone else thought. she was so close to deciding it wasn’t worth the trouble, that she should just endure and keep silent. it was only through momoka’s song, a song that, very simply, speaks of finding your own way through the chaos. even though there’s no map or right answer, even though you’re afraid, even though everything seems so daunting, you must continue on, to stay yourself as you walk through life. the song is meant to display the anxiety of life and create hope within it, to shine a light on the person listening, to tell them that, yes, life is hard, but you can’t give up. life is merely consistent obstacles you have to get through, and nobody really knows what they’re doing. but you have to, if nothing else, continue. wasting your life hesitating and debating on what you should do is pointless. just follow your gut, and carve out your own way. having listened to such a song, how could nina not have found solace in it? that song told her she was right. through the words momoka sung, nina fought for herself when nobody else would. she lived. she didn’t lose her identity, nor did she kill herself, no matter how hard it was; the song never preached such words. thus, she lived. the bond between someone and a piece of media is something inexplicable. to be given life through song or novel is an extraordinary thing, a feeling beyond words themselves. such love is unspoken and overwhelming.
another piece of nina and her father worth noting is nina’s hospitalized. physical abuse is one thing, less of an implication and more of a statement as to what happened to nina, but hospitalization is another. nina’s parents most definitely saw nina’s injuries and said nothing (clear through their household rules), but hospitalization should have truly clicked something in their heads; that this was serious, that their daughter was genuinely suffering and needed their help. yet, even seeing this, her father continued to encourage silence. “as long as you keep quiet, it’ll pass.” it’s what everyone says when you make a ruckus, whether you’re right or not; it’s a vile, disgusting thing. it’s all that nina got. her father heard her distress, saw the physical marks of it, and yet he stood idle. he watched as his daughter was made to grovel beneath those who hurt her, sent her to her room as she wrote her letter of reflection, and said nothing. silence is compliance, and he may as well have told her to apologize just like everyone else did. seeing her battered and broken, he told her to endure. it is a betrayal of the highest order, to watch your daughter be crushed under the weight of cruelty and do nothing, too stuck in your past and in your own submission to even try to help her. something important that should be acknowledged is that it was not a helpless situation. it wasn’t life or death, say sorry or be expelled. it was severe, but it wasn’t as if nina’s father couldn’t fight back. just as we saw him do in episode 10, with a bit of fighting and pushing, something could’ve changed. he just chose the path with the least trouble and ignored his daughters pleas. though, in her fathers eyes, he was trying to move past things with an order he’d grown accustomed to, he did nothing but hurt his daughter in the process. he surrendered to the weight of the world, and expected his daughter to do the same. whether what he did was right or not, whether nina should’ve done this or that, whether everyone was against them or not, he should have stood by his daughter. to say that you care and notice your daughters suffering is not hard, yet he couldn’t even give that to nina. it’s through this, this loss, this lack, that nina decides to leave. if nobody else would fight for her, if even her father wouldn’t try to prove her right, then she’d do it for herself and say fuck you to all of them. she tries to prove herself right, and the second she finds something she truly loves and wants to cherish, her past comes rushing back just as she tries to leave it; and, something i love, is that she’s strong enough to face it again now.
an even larger act of courage, more so than leaving, is coming back. not with the intention of reverting back to who you were before, but coming back as the person you are now. to face those who threw spit in your face and stare them straight in the face and now that you aren’t as weak as you used to be, that you’ll never let them make you that again. even in nina’s first conversation, her growth seeps through. though her and her father fall into an argument as they always seemingly do, nina is calm, looking for closure and a proper conversation. she fights for herself, again and again. her father speaks to her knowingly and scolds her, as if she is a child, and again, as if his daughters distress is meaningless. in the heat of the moment, the two of them revert right back to their old arguments; meaningless insults spat at each other, hurt, excuses, and nina's father placing an invisible shackle on her once again. it’s something akin to letting her know that she isn’t free, that she can’t do whatever she wants. she is chained, whether she always feels it or not. for someone as free as nina, so herself she can never really keep it in, how would chains look to her? like hell. but, even more so than the chains themselves, the part that really kills is the person placing them; someone who avoided all responsibility when it mattered and stayed silent. to nina, it seemed as if he didn’t care about being a father except for when he wanted to. now, the most fascinating piece of this first conversation is the very fact that it wasn’t just nina who changed, but her father too. he came to speak to her with a specific goal in mind, reconciliation and communication, just as she did. it’s interesting to watch as they both hold one another’s stubborn nature, how they can’t help but be pissed when they meet. they always manage to clash, no matter what. he lost his head the second he saw her, having ignored his calls and avoided coming home in order to get away from him, and now she’s just, standing at their family door. she's out of his control and he can feel it. because of his neglect, his daughter has made so much distance between the two of them. his undermining of nina's hard work is due, in large part, to his love for her. it isn’t good, in fact, it’s a symbolism of the very thing that ruined their relationship before (hurting in order to help), but this is what is underneath his harsh reprimands. he does care about her. he let her leave so she could continue her education, he gave her an apartment and he, without notice, was cut off by her as she began new prospects in her life. it's his fault that his daughter won't share things with him anymore and he knows it. he's been getting wasted over how stressed he is about it. it was him turning a blind eye to his daughter that ruined their bond and, no matter how belated, he decides to try and repair it.
in a family like nina's, where apologies are rarely uttered, all her father knows how to do is show her that he cares. show her that he wants to fix things, to repair them the only way that he can. when nina's father takes her to get a letter of apology from the school, he continues persisting and trying to dig at the issue and why the school won't take legal responsibility. you can see him making an effort, getting angry that his daughter isn't being given proper justice. yet, at such a display, how could nina be properly happy? sure, he's trying and she can see it, but the show of care is so belated. she gets angry watching it. with already shattered trust, how could she properly appreciate any of this? everything had already happened. things were already done and dusted. these memories weren't something nina wanted to open. it's all these thoughts swirling around in her mind that push her to tell her father to stop, to end it. it's all pointless. what can asking for change now do for anyone? it's her hurt that drives her, once again. of course she appreciates it, of course it’s great. but with that comes a feeling of, if you can do it now, why couldn’t you have done it earlier? with that gratitude comes sadness, a reminder of what did actually happen in order to cause the scene she was currently watching. she was once reprimanded in this very room, and for what? for getting hurt, for fighting for her morals, for being bullied? and, in a final display of irony, the very person who stayed silent watching all of it was now standing up for her, fighting in her stead. of course, she appreciates it. but what will any of this do now? the ride home is silent, tense with the past neither of them can ever change or smooth over.
a key piece of nina’s character, her hope, seeps through the conversation she has with her sister near the end of episode 10. the talk they have is an acknowledgment of all that VOID represents in her life, and all of nina’s growth as a person after leaving home. when nina was at her worst, contemplating giving up, it was momoka’s song that told her she had to continue living. everyone is confused, everyone is scared, but it’s all about what you do with that fear, and VOID told nina to fight for herself with her anger as a blade, to carve out her own path in the chaos of her mind, to stop hesitating. nina’s younger self is shown to be grey through the conversation, her edges glitching with color, as if she can’t decide which part should fill her. this, too, is nina’s hesitation. she fights with herself and what everyone wants from her, unsure of what to choose. she debates, sitting there with the reflection letter in front of her, wondering what she can do. yet, though she was so close to giving up, she still had hope within her, and it seeps through the blue of her corners. color has been shown to represent life, both in media as a whole and gbc itself. it’s this slight color in her demeanor that allows VOID to bloom hope in her. nina, just like everyone else who hopes, wishes for someone to tell her she’s right, to be on her side; and momoka’s song did that for her. it didn’t just give her an answer, it gave her her life back. it told her that she’s not alone, no matter what. she learned to trust herself and her values through that song. she was held and told that, she should do what she thought was right, no matter what everyone else thought. what everyone else thought was inconsequential. nina decided that she would follow her gut, no matter what stood on the other side for her. she decided she would fly, jumping out into the sky, arms open for whatever would come to her. ‘flying’ is an innate symbolism for ‘freedom’; since to have wings is to mean you can go wherever you want to go. nina would be free, no matter if the wings she flew with were conjured up or real feather. she would be herself and she would be happy, discarding the views of others. even if she’s lying to herself, even if she’s just living in a dream like everyone tells her, she will continue to fly, uncaring. once you’re in the sky, there’s no coming back down, not for the rest of your life. she's become someone she's proud to be, and her life is the same. she has people she loves who support her, and a band she wants to cultivate. a persons wings are made through their own perceptions, not because they are given them. you must give yourself wings if you wish to fly; there is nobody else that can give them to you. whether her wings are imagined or not is unimportant; she's off the ground now, and she needs to keep flying no matter what, to keep her resolve. even if they're fake, they're enough. in comparison to the self who almost surrendered to the pressure of others and died, nina, as we know her, is far removed from that old person. she’s grown into someone who’ll never surrender again. she has things she can cherish now, things she can give her all to and know that it’s hers, and she can finally live.
another piece of nina which ive found is quite a common occurrence is her tendency to forget the memories she has with a person that don’t line up with her current view of them. when nina began to resent her family for their negligence to her issues, she forgot the very love that caused such resentment. such hatred is born out of an underlying love, but nina discarded the layers beneath. she became so blinded by rage that she forgot all of the good within the bad, the innate complexities of her memories that shaped them. when nina speaks to her sister over curry, she’s thrown directly into the love she threw away. her father has been worried sick ever since nina left; this stoic and seemingly ever knowing man is stumped, so much so that he neglects his health and stops caring to the household rules. the house is both metaphorically and literally in tatters after she left. the very structure that upheld it, their traditions, were discarded. in a way, it’s a symbolism for the very thing that held nina’s father back from helping nina in the first place, the unspoken rule that as long as you stay silent, things will pass. a chain made with the intention to help, yet one that only ruins. even nina’s mother was just as worried, practically running around the entire kanagawa prefecture looking for her and trying to get her back. everyone cares. no matter how clumsy, no matter how awkward their family may be, they all care about nina and love her. whether she feels it or not, that love is nonetheless there. all of them are happy she’s alive. all of them want to rekindle with her just as she wanted to communicate with them. they made a mistake, this much is unmistakeable. they watched as the branch in front of the house grew, hitting not just nina on the way in and out but all of them. it is worth noting that, though they let the branch grow and hurt for so long, they did cut it before nina left. they showed her they cared, even in this small way. they were wrong, and they want to fix it. it was a late gesture of love, but a gesture of love nonetheless. it gives what her father did earlier in the day so much more weight. even if nina won't show it, she does appreciate it, no matter how late it was. when you're constantly burning down the corners of the world, enraged by your fathers negligence, even late affections will ease your heart. despite all of their differences, despite the fact that they may not understand each other still, their process for healing has begun.
nina’s father not only tries to repair his relationship with nina through mending old wounds, but through acknowledging the very thing that helped his daughter survive. he doesn't know how to tell her he cares, that he approves, but he says it through a very simple utterance: "it's not bad." he assures her that the song she used to survive each day, was seen and respected by him. he liked it. how could he not? how could he not love something that gave his daughter the strength when he was negligent, when he wasn't there? the message in it was something he found pride in his daughter following. when he was too weak, too held back by his own rotten principles, when he wasn’t there for his daughter, there was someone else carrying his loved one. though he loved nina, she had to survive on the back of another when he could not offer his in times of need. the two of them, struggling to show kindness and care, find a common ground in this place. nina tells her father to cut back on his smoking, the two of them roundabout in how they tell each other they love one another. they only know how to exchange small words, meaningful in their simplicity. they represent their mutual desire to rekindle a relationship. they represent nina, finally able to walk on the path to forgiving her parents, her father. the first distance shot you see before nina leaves is one where both nina and her father are there, the distance palpable and intense. they stand as if they’re strangers, on two opposite ends of a stick. it’s representative of their very relationship, of how they stood once, a long time ago. though there was distance, the two of them were still in frame. and, once nina leaves, driven by her resentment, there is an emphasized emptiness when her father is sitting on screen alone, as if the rest of the shot is incomplete. he’s there, by himself, waiting. it’s a funny contrast to an earlier version of their relationship, when it was nina left waiting for her father. but, when nina comes onto screen and hugs him, they take the center of the screen. they meet in the middle, beginning a new journey in which they restart their relationship. they have a do-over. their distance is still clear, but it is nurtured with closeness just the same. even if they can't properly understand each other just yet, they care for each other and they love each other, and they can learn to heal because of that very reason. it is their love that binds them, even if they have hurt each other beyond repair. nina's old wounds can finally begin to heal, and her father can place one of the many bandages supporting it.
