Okay, fifth. You live far 🌕
summary: Reader can not sleep and some wolf guy also.
My best ideas always came as a replacement for sleep, and baking a peach pie was one of them. I was sitting on a kitchen chair wrapped in a blanket, watching the steam rise from the pie. I hated it when there was a full moon and I couldn’t sleep. Damn moon.
“Sage?” An annoyingly familiar male voice called from behind the door. I opened the door, and there stood the wolf himself.
“Fenrys?! What are you doing here?” Damn moon, damn pie and damn Fenrys.
“Came to check on you. You’ve wrapped yourself up like a mummy again and act like the world doesn’t exist. I get it. Can I come in?” I stepped aside and let him into the apartment. “Nice place.”
Without asking, he sat on a kitchen chair and looked at me like he expected to be served, like in a tavern. I was still standing by the door. “Melancholy in boots! Well, without them. That’s your new title. Wear it with grace!”
Idiot. “Don’t tell me you annoyed everyone at the castle again, and they kicked you out just to get a few hours of peace.”
“That would never happen.” He tilted his head toward the kitchen and started sniffing. I still hadn’t moved from the doorway. “You baked?”
“Family recipe.” The corner of Fenrys’s mouth twitched—he was clearly enjoying himself, since I was still standing at the door in my own apartment, and he was about to start eating. “Want some?”
“Pretty please,” he drawled like a little boy. So I finally moved from the door and placed the whole tray in front of him. For him, it would be just a light evening dessert anyway. “Unless you’re hungry…”
“Eat.” That was enough for him—he immediately dug in. “So, once again. What are you doing here, Fenrys?”
“I wanted to check in on you. See how you're doing, what’s new.”
“You don’t care what’s new or how I’m doing.”
“That’s not true.” I reached for the pie, and he swatted my hand away. “Maybe I don’t care that much... but just a little.” At least he was honest. “I can’t sleep.”
“You’re not the only one.” I glanced at him—and at the clock behind him.
“That’s not what I meant.”
I wrapped myself tighter in the thick blanket Evangeline had knitted for me while trying to teach Aedion how to knit. “Then what did you mean, Fenrys?”
“Stop looking at me like that, Eyes-as-big-as-questions. I can’t handle it.” I raised an eyebrow. Fenrys was the king of all idiots. But if he’d come here at this hour, there had to be a reason. “I keep thinking about Connall. I see him in my mind, and I can’t stop replaying his words... you know.” I just nodded. “I should’ve been different.”
“Less you?” He looked at me and nodded. “So that’s why you’re here?”
“I guess… I just needed someone to hear me out. To think he was a good man.”
“Don’t others think that? I’m sure they’d listen to you.” I didn’t get it. They knew him better than I did. Some of the court had known them since they were young boys.
Fenrys ran a nervous hand through his beautiful hair. He was charming, yes. Tall, broad-shouldered, arrogant in the way he walked—a clear sign of the warrior he was. But not enough to keep me up at night or ruin my already fragile sleep schedule. “Look. Rowan knew him. I think he even liked him. Lorcan trained us. They were there—but also not. And Aelin… I don’t want to drag her back into that time.”
“So by process of elimination, that leaves me?” Aedion and Lysandra had their own world a few miles away. And Lady of Perranth too. When I did the math, yeah—I was the obvious candidate.
“Well… yeah.” He answered with his mouth full of pie.
“Yeah? So what place was I on your famous the White Wolf listener list?” I leaned more into the kitchen counter.
“Third.” I gave him a look. “Okay, fifth. You live far. And it’s cold out.”
“I live an hour’s walk from the castle, you idiot!”
“Like I said. Far.” Fenrys was a self-centered idiot. But there was something about him that pulled people in, and I wasn’t immune. People wanted to be near him, to be noticed by him. I wasn’t sure if he knew, but with his personality, he probably believed the whole kingdom in the heavens was obsessed with him.Â
“Do I look like a grumpy old Lorcan? Of course I drink.”
“You know that grumpy old Lorcan is the husband and mate of my best friend, right?”
“And did you know his full name is Lord Lorcan Lochan? Unbelievable.” I had to smile at that. I didn’t believe in coincidences, but that name combo was too good. I poured him a glass of whiskey and handed it to him.
“You’re laughing now, but if those two ever have a kid, we’ll be fighting over who gets to be the godparents.” Fenrys nodded, clinked glasses, and took a sip. I sat next to him.
“I wonder how they manage… you know, the height difference.”
He was working my nerves.
“If you’re asking whether he grabs books from the top shelf for her, then yes.” Fenrys looked like he wanted to tease me more but let it go—for the pie’s sake. Though he’d definitely return to it later. “I’m sorry you can’t sleep,” I admitted.
“Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if I’d listened to him more. Con wasn’t stupid. But then again, if I had listened… I wouldn’t be here.” He kept his eyes on the wall while eating. “I don’t know which thought is worse.”
“It’s eating you up that you feel like a selfish jerk because you can’t choose, isn’t it?” Fenrys nodded and looked straight at me for the first time. “Let’s be honest. Your brother will always be a part of you. No matter what anyone says. It’s up to you what you do with that.”Â
Silence fell. Fenrys looked tired, dark circles under his eyes. “I paid for his grave,” he confessed, burying his face in his hands. “I went to our old village and paid for an empty grave.”
That was news. “Do the others know?”
“No one. Not even Aelin. I said I had business in Wendlyn and took a detour to the village where we grew up.” His head still in his hands, he went on: “He loved it there. I was the one who dragged him to Doranelle because I wanted more. What we had wasn’t enough for me.”
I slid closer and gently touched his left arm. “Beating yourself up won’t help.”
“I know. I just wish he was here. So I could share things with him. Be with him. Argue and then hug him and never let go. I just wish…” There he was. The famed the White Wolf without his twin.
I moved my hand under his chin and lifted his face so he’d look at me. He let me. His eyes were full of grief and exhaustion. “What?”
He took my wrist and looked at it for a moment. My wrist looked like a child’s next to his, but he left it there. “I’d tell him I love him. I never did.” He stared into my eyes and we just sat there. “You’re his type.”
“You’re Connall’s type. He would’ve liked you.” I stared at him, not understanding. “Smart, fierce, understanding. A little pissed at life but wild when it comes to fighting for something you care about. Slightly pessimistic but still capable of laughing. And you can bake. He would’ve liked you.”
“I thought his type would be someone who could charm a room and slice enemies to pieces.” Fenrys smirked and looked at me.
“That’s a fun idea, sure. But that was never our type.” For some reason, I couldn’t stop smiling.
“I thought you didn’t care how I was or what I was doing.”
“Maybe I care a little more than I let on.”
“If you ever want to talk about Connall, my door’s open.” Fenrys just nodded and leaned his head on my wrist. He was an idiot. He could win someone over in minutes—but still, I didn’t want to send him away.
“So I don’t have to deal with Greta next time?” I frowned, confused. “She kicked me out of the kitchen when I went for milk to help me sleep. Said she needed it for breakfast and barely had enough.”
I chuckled and looked at the clock again. Almost 3 a.m. “Want to stay the night?” Fenrys raised an eyebrow mockingly. “On the couch.”
“Can I take the pie?” Fae men never stopped surprising me.
I brought him a blanket and pillow and tossed them on the couch. “Yes.” Fenrys politely pushed in the chair, took the pie, and went to the couch. “Good night.”
“Listener?” He stopped me in the doorway, pie in hand. “Thank you.” I nodded.
“Listener?” Now I was smiling again. This man was a menace. “Can I hug you?”
“Sure.” He put the pie down and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I was enveloped in his scent. I rested my head on his chest and heard his heart beating. He laid his head on mine. We stood like that for a while, and then he let me go without a word. I waited until he lay down on the couch—which was a little too short for him—and closed the door behind me. I lay down in bed and, for the first time, peace and safety embraced me. Maybe it was the exhaustion.
Or the wolf I could hear snoring in my dreams.