A bit of a pet-peeve of mine (I know, I know, me & pet-peeves) is when readers engage with Andrew & his sexuality as only coming to terms with being gay in a homophobic society and not with his CSA. Or when Andrew is written as having fully moved past his CSA/SA & has come to perfect terms with his sexuality even though he canonically doesn’t let anyone until Neil touch him or orgasm with someone else in the room until Neil. And even at the end of AFTG Andrew is still being careful about exploring his sexual desires with Neil. I don’t think the version of Andrew Minyard we encounter in AFTG can be described as comfortable with/confident with his sexuality.

I think there is a desire to quickly brush aside/move past Andrew’s CSA & SA, which yes, I understand in fluff or pwp or whatever it’s not exactly sexy to include Andrew’s trauma outside of like one to two vague lines if its mentioned at all. Or to focus on Andrew’s line about “not wanting to be like his abusers” and not really engage with Andrew’s canonical fear of being sexually assaulted. Part of the reason Andrew learns to fight and cultivates a reputation of being a dangerous maniac is because he is afraid of being sexually assaulted. Even his fear of heights is intertwined with his fear of being assaulted. However, obviously this is uncomfortable and dark for many to write about. It’s difficult for people to feel like they can write properly. It’s not something most reader’s want to engage in. But for me personally it’s a bit difficult to read a characterization of Andrew that ignores this aspect of him and still believe it’s Andrew Minyard.

Especially when someone describes Andrew as feeling “powerful” for going down on men. Idk why this is the go-to description these days but I (personally) do not vibe with it. Andrew does not canonically read as feeling powerful engaging with his sexuality. He does not tell anyone he is gay (even when he “comes out” to Renee he doesn’t say “I’m gay” he says “I don’t fuck women.” And then he has Renee come out to Neil for him to avoid seeing Neil’s reaction. I know this is joked about a lot, and I have laughed at some of these jokes but this is also Andrew demonstrating canonical insecurity about his sexuality). Aaron then comes out to Betsy for Andrew (actually Aaron outs Andrew to Betsy considering he didn’t have permission from Andrew to come out on his behalf) & Aaron even believes that Andrew is worried about Betsy’s reaction despite Betsy obviously being okay with Nicky being gay.

And while Andrew does tell Neil that he would “blow him” he does not, in fact, immediately blow Neil when they start hooking up & it frankly comes across as Andrew trying to be as shocking as possible to shoot himself in the foot after Roland tells Neil that Andrew is attracted to him. Especially b/c Andrew also immediately corrects Aaron for saying that he’s “fucking Neil” and idk if it’s the implication of penetration that makes Andrew uncomfortable or just the open acknowledgment that Andrew has sex. I think Andrew being private about his sexuality isn’t b/c he’s worried about judgment or intolerance. Andrew already receives judgment and intolerance. I read it as coming from the fact that if people are aware of Andrew’s sexuality & acknowledge it that makes it real. In canon, Andrew often doesn’t like talking about things that are actually important to him (he stops talking to Betsy about Neil once he realizes his feelings for Neil, doesn’t tell anyone he likes Betsy ppl just realize based on his behavior, and Aaron is fully convinced that Andrew killed Tilda not for him but b/c of Andrew’s own personal grudge up until TKM). Talking about his sexuality, about “being gay” means fully acknowledging that Andrew is attracted to men. It makes it real. Just like Andrew didn’t want to acknowledge his feelings for Neil b/c he thought that would make them “real” and then post-Balitmore Andrew realized it doesn’t matter if he acknowledges his feelings aloud or not, they’re real regardless. Another fear Andrew likely has about other people knowing that he is gay is that they might speculate about him in a way that suggests Andrew is weak, easily taken advantage of, or persuaded by other men. All things that Andrew is canonically worried about. In fact, Andrew canonically has these fears confirmed b/c as soon as Riko finds out about his CSA he exploits it via Drake and Proust. I know a lot of people also mention how Jeremy & Cat & Laila just view Andrew as “some guy” and “not very scary” (especially compared to Jeremy thinking Neil’s a bit creepy) but also Jeremy & Cat & Laila are also all aware that Andrew was sexually assaulted by his former foster brother & that obviously makes them uncomfortable & view him through the lens of a “CSA/SA victim, which is also what Andrew feared. Nora has also said that Andrew has a bad reaction to Roland’s pity after Roland finds out b/c Andrew has spent so many years building his “untouchable” persona only for it to have all come crashing down.

Andrew views people knowing about his CSA/SA as meaning that they think he is weak & will no longer find him threatening. He is ashamed of his history of CSA/SA that is why he doesn’t want to talk about it or tell people. Andrew did not even want to hear Neil bring Proust up. The one adult (Luther) that he DID try to confide in called Andrew mentally unstable & misunderstanding brotherly love. Luther told Andrew this when Andrew was still a child. The psychological damage those words would have done is huge. He thinks his self-harm scars demonstrate vulnerability that predators will take advantage of. Andrew has convinced himself by the age of 18 that it is better to be viewed as a monster than to be viewed as prey. This is not someone who feels powerful regarding their sexuality. This is someone who has a sexuality & is struggling to engage with it. Andrew can’t “choose” not to be gay. He is characterized as constantly longing for human connection (Aaron, Nicky, Betsy) so he knows that he’s only ever going to be romantically & sexually fulfilled via a relationship with a man, but knowing, mentally accepting & then actually being able to physically do are all entirely different struggles.

Andrew canonically struggles to orgasm in the same room as another man or to even have the fact that he is aroused be commented on/looked at. He views having his visible attraction (a hard on) to someone acknowledged or touched as a vulnerability that could be exploited & result in someone trying to take advantage of him. That is not the mindset of someone who feels powerful. That is the mindset of someone who feels very, very vulnerable. Someone who is worried that they risk having their vulnerability exploited & taken advantage of at any moment.

It is one thing for Andrew to acknowledge someone’s attraction to HIM & engage in sexual acts that will make them vulnerable/bring that person to orgasm (hand or mouth) as long as (until Neil) that person doesn’t touch him. So Andrew can still feel disconnected, in some way, from the act. As long as they don’t act like they are in control of the situation/in control of him. As long as they never bring it up to him outside of those acts or act entitled to him at any point. And even then, Nora describes the majority of Andrew’s hook-ups with Roland as “cautiously controlled make-outs.” Andrew isn’t always giving Roland blow-jobs, y’all [Andrew also wasn’t hooking up with random men outside of Roland at Eden’s. Idk why so many ppl seem to be under the assumption that Andrew was hooking up with strangers but strangers pose a much higher risk than someone Andrew knows]. Andrew’s sexuality is going to be a back-and-forth battle (especially with someone he cannot trust. Roland has to be handcuffed and yet until Neil, Andrew doesn’t try to seek out anyone else b/c frankly, he probably considers himself lucky that he was able to find someone willing to be handcuffed) that means sometimes Andrew WILL feel gross about engaging in sexual behavior. He won’t always feel powerful or like he’s “winning” against his abusers. He will feel ashamed and awkward and uncomfortable and then probably angry that he’s feeling those things. Andrew doesn’t always have to be “winning” or perfectly comfortable with his sexuality to prove that he’s overcome his CSA/SA or that he’s okay with being gay. Sometimes even acknowledging a man is attracted to him might make Andrew anxious and that would frankly be normal for someone with his past trauma.

I feel like sometimes ppl want to contrast Neil’s demisexuality with Andrew being gay as “Andrew is gay and therefore feels attracted to every good looking man he comes across without any problems whatsoever. He doesn’t understand how Neil is only attracted to him.” Y’all… Andrew’s sexuality is more complicated than that due to literal CSA/SA. His relationship with his own attraction is going to be complicated. Let it be complicated! Let Andrew be jealous when Neil describes himself as “not swinging” b/c Andrew wishes sometimes he didn’t swing. Let Andrew take comfort in Neil being demisexual. He doesn’t ever have to worry about Neil being attracted to Aaron or wanting a threesome with twins. Andrew spent his childhood/adolescence having men be “physically attracted” to him and assaulting him b/c they didn’t care about his age or mental state. Neil is attracted to who Andrew is as a person - his strength of character - first and what he looks like only registers b/c it’s Andrew’s body, but whatever body Andrew had wouldn’t make a difference to Neil. Let Andrew be more comfortable in his sexuality b/c he has a trusting, long-term relationship with Neil that Andrew can focus on instead of being convinced that he’s going to be alone forever (like he was a teenager) b/c he never thought he’d be able to trust someone enough to let them in. Or that anyone would ever be trustworthy enough to be let in without trying to take advantage of Andrew in some way.