YEET

“Haunting the narrative” but it’s the procedures at your job the person before you put in place

At all times I am filled with a berserker like rage but thankfully for everyone around me I am much too tired to do anything with it

Me, giving a eulogy: "He's gone where the emails will never find him. Where subscription fees will not weary him, nor discourse condemn."

Me reading a recipe that in no way requires crispy chili oil: the crispy chili oil is implied

Bro you definitely added too much soy sauce. Change your name and move to a new city

Just go missing bro it's ruined

sometimes ill go onto jackbox.tv, name myself "SCARY GHOST" and just type random codes in until i find a game and then just vote randomly

i love that almost everyone has their own unique bedrooms thats such a cute human thing

no bedroom looks the same just like no human is the same. are you getting what im putting down here

you walk into someones room and its like walking into a part of their soul This is so special to me <3

do you think two pennies is still enough for the ferryman or has inflation driven up the fare

if he makes me use an app I am simply not crossing the river Styx.

Messing up my customer service hotline job and playing a gunshot sound effect over the phone then coming back with a slightly different accent

They should make hollow, fragile sugar candies exactly the size and shape of a lightbulb to safely satisfy the body’s natural need to eat lightbulbs whole

Realistically I know “let’s all kill ourselves” is just as bad or maybe worse than “im going to kill myself” but in my head it’s like. ok but im establishing a sense of community and proposing a group activity? like are we really going to get mad about that

they should allow you to report posts for being gauche or passé

it's weird how whenever a neighbor's smoke alarm goes off it's because they're a talentless hack who can't cook, but when mine goes off it's because my culinary craft is being hamstrung by a draconian smoke detector that is far too sensitive for its own good