The Untold Story

I haven’t heard from him for three days. I’m not being paranoid or something but I’m still not used to it: not hearing from him, not talking to him, and not seeing him. But I have to keep this safe distance since I don’t want to intrude his personal space.

He might be busy OR he might started avoiding me. I’ve already confessed my feelings thru a letter. I don’t have the guts to tell him straightly so I resorted on writing him a letter and giving it to him personally last time we went out. I don’t have the slightest idea if he already read my letter. And I’m still wondering and waiting in vain for his reply.

I know that there are a lot of things in your head and I don’t want to add up on your worries. As much as I want to tell you what I feel, fate keeps on preventing me to do so. It’s like when I’m about to tell you, you were never there. Is this a sign that I should keep this to myself?

The clock keeps ticking and days just go by so quickly.

Will I ever be able to tell you I love you? 

I don’t know what to feel right now. I just can’t bear the thought of having to leave by your side.

I know you don’t feel the same way, or so I thought. But at least I can say that I am superbly happy of what we have now. I enjoy your companion and I cherish every second of it.

When I’m with you everything in my world just slows down. And every detail, from the tiniest to the biggest, seems to matter. Sometimes I catch myself smiling for no reason; singing a melody that came out from nowhere. It’s just that everything seems to make sense when I’m with you. And I can’t picture myself without you.

I’m at this point where I’m trying my hardest to gain some courage to tell you what I really feel. I don’t care if you don’t feel the same way. I just need to tell you. Cause I feel like I’m a grenade, ready to explode.

I don’t say it that much. I don’t even hear those words being said to me. And I’m kind of used to it.

But somehow it’s different when you hear it from the one you love. Yes, you should show your love to others, more than words can say. However, we can’t keep guessing forever. We should be straightforward on what we feel.

Yeah, we still communicate through SMS and facebook. But it’s still different to see you face to face; to hear your voice; to look into your eyes; to smell your scent; and to feel your warmth.

I know you’re hurting right now, like you feel all alone. I don’t know what to say or what to do just to lighten up what you feel. I wish that I could take all of those sadness for your sake.

I don’t know what’s with us to freely share our lonesome experiences. Maybe because we drank so much orange juice or both of us just wanted to have someone to talk to. I really don’t know what triggered it but I’m thankful for whatever reason.

I didn’t know what to say or do after hearing your story. Tears just fell from my eyes upon hearing what you’ve been through. I wanted to hug you, I really do. But I don’t want to be too intrusive. Patting your back was the least that I could do.

I wanted to talk to you. I really do. But my timidity just kicked in. I’ve heard your complaints about me being a snob. It’s just that I lose all my nerves when it comes to you. 

You don’t know how much I’ve prayed and hoped for us to be close. And I think heaven just heard me, or so was teasing me. I had a chance to get to know you better initially because of the people you are with. And there I had a grasp of who you really are.

We always greet each other politely. Though we don’t talk that much at first, I was happy. But then we had our first ever conversation and it was kind of embarrassing for me since you saw me broke down, which I don’t normally show to anyone I know. You didn’t show any disgust nor judged me for what I’ve shared. You just listened and understand what I was going through. And I admired you for that.

We usually meet once or twice a week. Thrill and excitement overwhelms me, though I usually conceal it with my so called friendly gestures. Our weekly meetings became every other day meetings. Daily conversations through text messages and facebook posts began. And that my so-called infatuation deepens.

I’m not sure of your feelings. But what I know for a fact is that I’m starting to fall for you, really hard. I know and have accepted the truth that you won’t be able to return the affection I have. I’m not being pessimist, I just don’t want to assume and give false hopes for myself. Just please don’t do anything to make me fall harder for you.