A. Williams Writes

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Hi everyone! I starting out the new year by moving over to a new account. There is a reason for this, which I explain at length on the first post of that account, but suffice to say here that I’m turning over a new leaf for the new year and decade. 

My new account is here: https://ruth-lund.tumblr.com/

It will probably take me a little while to move content over to the new account and reconstruct things. (I’m fighting a cold, blegh. Such bad timing.)

I love a good series binge as much as anyone else. But it’s hard, especially as a creator, to keep consuming that content without creating any of your own.

And I’m not talking about just playing catch up with a series you enjoy or unwinding with a cup of tea and a book. I’m talking about, as a creator, just reading and watching and playing in a manner where it ends up consuming you instead of the other way around. 

It’s like that scene is Spirited Away where No-Face devours everything in the bathhouse. You’re no longer tasting the good food or drinks. You’re no longer enjoying it. You’re consuming it just to feel… well, something.

And that’s not enjoying something anymore. That’s just hurting. 

Did you know screen addiction is a thing? I didn’t until I (admittedly using a screen, oops) looked it up. I mean, yeah, it’d be easy to say that it’s an older generation harping on how the younger generation uses technology. 

And no, using tech should not be automatically judged as bad.

Technology connects families across the world, for example. It provides boundless information for those learning more about ourselves or wanting quick advice on how to heal a cold. It is an endless virtual library that goes on, seemingly, forever. 

But, only when used responsibly. 

I’m only writing about this because I stopped (at 4 AM) and stared at the clock, then back at the series I was binging, then back at the clock and wondered what I was doing with my life. 

The next day, I went back to writing. When I tried to open my laptop and write…

I was thinking about that series like it was a drug and pressing “play” was my fix. 

I couldn’t think of anything else. It was terrifying. I didn’t have an issue with writer’s block before. Words were my escape. Writing was how I expressed myself.

And suddenly, all I could think about was…

I need to press play. I need more. I don’t want to create. 

I want to consume.

As a creator, looking at other series or streaming services, reading books and comics, playing video games with gorgeous storylines. It drives inspiration. We love to create and to escape.

But when I spent all day escaping, I lost the will to create anything of my own.

In the future, I know I need to balance that. I was at a low point where new ideas didn’t come so easily. When stress, anxiety, and a lack of sleep took control. I nearly lost it.

I’m writing this now to say:

It’s never too late to create. I am so proud of all of you fighting mental health issues alongside other ones to try and find the will to create again. I hope you find a support network, and may the coming year be filled with joy, magic, and wonder.

-Fae

With depression, it’s hard enough trying to find the motivation to get out of bed in the morning before the next day begins. Summoning the energy it takes to write can be even harder, especially since depression (and sometimes medications used to treat depression) can stifle creativity. Here are some practical tips to help writers suffering from depressive disorders: 

1. Write one sentence a day – on your phone. The sentences don’t have to form a story or even be related. Just set a daily reminder to open your Notes app and type a single sentence. Make it an opening line, a one-line synopsis, a description of the weather, anything! Let it be as vague, boring and inconsequential as “She opened her eyes and pulled off the covers.” The end. Congrats! You have just achieved your goal for the day!

2. Change your work space. Instead of writing slouched in bed, sit at the kitchen table, or vice versa. If you can’t leave your room, sit on the opposite end of your bed or even the floor. You don’t have to clean or decorate your space to make it cute. Your brain has become accustomed to its surroundings and even a small change – like facing the opposite direction – can help break away from this.

3. Thinking about writing counts as writing. This rule doesn’t usually apply but we’ve made an exception just for you! Your depression is affecting your creativity but, ironically, having a creative outlet can help. If you can’t physically write, set aside a few minutes a day to think about writing. Great if you’re bad at meditation.

4. Experiment with different methods of storytelling. Try a voice recording instead of your usual handwriting or typing. This way, you don’t even have to leave your bed. Set small goals like “I will create a one minute voice memo of a character description”.

5. Share your success! And your failures! Post on Tumblr, tell your friends, tell your pet… It doesn’t matter how small your success, celebrate it by telling another human (or otherwise) who will understand what it means to you and congratulate you for it. Treat it like a big deal even if it’s just a single sentence. Similarly, tell people about anything you perceive to be a “failure” no matter how small or silly. Get it out of your system and maybe find some support, so you can move on.

6. Instead of abandoning your goals, alter them! Don’t give up if you failed to meet your goal once or even ten times. You need to retrain your brain to understand that these attempts at bettering yourself are lifestyle changes. If something isn’t working, don’t abandon ship. Make your goals easier, for example: instead of writing daily, plan to write once a week, even if it’s just one sentence.

7. Abandon deadlines and the like – sort of. Some structure is good - even required - in recovery. But if trying to stick to a routine, meet a deadline, keep up your word count, wake up or write at a certain time or similar rules are restricting you from writing (for example, if you feel so bad about constantly missing them that you sink further into depression and write even less) then be sure to give yourself days without them every now and then. Make a note of whether this is helpful (you’re more productive - yay!) or harmful (you backpedal - oops). The trick is to keep experimenting with different methods until you find something that works for you!

8. Accept your circumstances. Instead of seeing yourself as an ex-writer or a failed writer, reaffirm that this is simply a time in your life where your mental health (and possibly other circumstances) have made it difficult for you to flourish creatively. Don’t fret over how long it’s been since you picked up a pen or opened your Word document. Accept that this is a temporary break or a roadblock that will be over one day. Until then, your task is to focus on healing.

what i MEANT to convey to my supervisor was “i raised chickens for ten years and also sometimes i catch feral pigeons in the park to de-string their feet and do first aid so if you need help catching this finch i can probably do it.”

what actually came out of my mouth was “i catch birds in my spare time.”

Me: *knowing full well my family is going to absolutely eat all this bread in two days* “no it’s okay, I have chickens”

What I said: It’s like a butterfly!

I want a sunflower pendant or earrings made of marquise-cut yellow stones around a round brown stone or a cluster of chips of brown stone. Yellow Swarovski/chalcedony/citrine/IDK YELLOW SPARKLY and dark smoky quartz, maybe. Why is this so fucking hard?

Like this

or this

But a pendant and not yellow sapphires or CZ. Surely someone has made a knockoff for broke folks??????? Even really nice colored glass would work.

Something like this would work but I can’t find them in yellow. You know– the actual color of sunflowers? Plus these are CZ and haha I don’t got dat money.

This is nice. I would prefer the gold around the gems not be as visible, though. It makes the petals look too big.

I want a sunflower pendant or earrings made of marquise-cut yellow stones around a round brown stone or a cluster of chips of brown stone. Yellow Swarovski/chalcedony/citrine/IDK YELLOW SPARKLY and dark smoky quartz, maybe. Why is this so fucking hard?

Like this

or this

But a pendant and not yellow sapphires or CZ. Surely someone has made a knockoff for broke folks??????? Even really nice colored glass would work.

Something like this would work but I can’t find them in yellow. You know– the actual color of sunflowers? Plus these are CZ and haha I don’t got dat money.

This is nice. I would prefer the gold around the gems not be as visible, though. It makes the petals look too big.

I want a sunflower pendant or earrings made of marquise-cut yellow stones around a round brown stone or a cluster of chips of brown stone. Yellow Swarovski/chalcedony/citrine/IDK YELLOW SPARKLY and dark smoky quartz, maybe. Why is this so fucking hard?

Like this

or this

But a pendant and not yellow sapphires or CZ. Surely someone has made a knockoff for broke folks??????? Even really nice colored glass would work.

Something like this would work but I can’t find them in yellow. You know– the actual color of sunflowers? Plus these are CZ and haha I don’t got dat money.

This is nice. I would prefer the gold around the gems not be as visible, though. It makes the petals look too big.

ask-omnipony:

I don’t really believe this mumbo jumbo

I mean it’s a goddamn hat.

Right..?

The white rose, it symbolizes the unique beauty of all the women who wish not to be with a nice guy such as myse-

I wonder if this works with other kinds of hat…

Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

WHEEEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT’S AMORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

oh boy…….

Luckily, this nonsense doesn’t work on girls.

Observe…

And it can’t possibly work on motorcycle helmets.

I must test it.

Nothing happening so far…

What in the world?

Oh why not? This should be interesting.

Here we go!

Were all mad here in Underland!

What the hell! Never Again!

… Actually …

Alright, I gotta try this!

Can’t be that bad!

….

LOL

i wonder if it works for flower crowns?

here goes nothin-

w HAT THE

DID I JUST-

Okay Clearly something is up.

Hmm… I wonder

I’m sure nothing could possibly…

I wonder what happens when you wear 8 of these at once…

what could possibly go wrong?

eww, it smells like fuckboi

welp, down this rabbit hole we go…

nothing’s happeni-

WTF-

I wonder if this would work with a wolf hat.

May as well try it.

Please don’t be awful, please don’t be awful, please don’t b-

get wet 4 furry

This is obviously fake

Look, I’ll prove it

Y’all are just acting

Watch and learn

Whelp guess I gotta put on the hat now

Can’t be that bad, I mean what’s the worst a squid hat can do to m-

I̖̝̪̤̠̋͞ ̛̹̱̮̳̭̓̂͑ͫ͐̎ͯ͗͝͡H͇̠͊́̚A̛̓̓҉͙̠V͍̌̏͂ͣͨͭͧ̉́E̸͙̭̣͓̓ͨͥ̿ ̽͗͗ͮ͊ͬͩͥ̚҉̪̗̝̘̟́̕A̴̴̙̝̬̪̞͂ͤͩ̍W͚̣͆ͬỎ̫̝̟͖̝͇ͥ͛ͮ͋K̨̖͓͉̺̫͉̀͗ͪ̊͌̉E͚̲̩̪̘̠͋̈͞N͉͓͕̗̱͒̔ͨͤ͛̓̂ͧ

We all want to be fully seen and understood, but it’s not shallow or meaningless to just have a pal you talk about TV shows with who isn’t also, like, your platonic soulmate. That’s still your friend! You still enhance each other’s lives with your company. Not everything that matters is profound.

I think a lot of you are lonely because you’re waiting around for someone who sees into your soul instead of just plain old lookin’ at the people in your life, finding common ground, and planting a little garden there. Even if that garden only grows Star Trek fan theories and memes, it’s still good.

Sometimes, there are people you pour into (time, energy, advice, assistance) and don’t get a whole lot in return, and that’s ok! You don’t need to resent anyone for that! Not everything has to be exactly tit-for-tat for your friendship to be real. 

Between your ENTIRE NETWORK of friends and family, you should have people you can go to for advice and assistance. You shouldn’t feel like you’re shouldering everything alone, and you certainly shouldn’t put up with abuse, but the people you ask don’t have to be the same as the people who ask you. 

THE FORSAKEN SOLSTICE - EXCERPT 6 (FROM CHAPTER 14) Word count: 500 Additional: Calendar system

           Verity drowsily packed her bags while Inigo was away. She really begrudged that they had to leave that day. Now, that the man made her his heir they may return soon to this magical and tranquil place. As she dreamed about that moment she clumsily brushed off a few books on the nearby table. She swore a little and started to place back the copies. From one album two old parchment fell out to the ground. Verity picked them up and wanted to put them back in the book immediately, however she saw the words “annual haemogram examination”. That’s the official name of the blood quantum test.

           She looked around to make sure Inigo haven’t returned yet and curiously started to read it. “On Lee Yoo Joon (born in Jimcheon at Lum, Day 165 of the year 2/16) the Cabinet of the United Monarchy of Huinan successfully executed the annual haemogram examination (took place in #103 High School, Aum, Day 330 of the year 2/35). Test result is 86%. Officially announced as potentially dangerous stateless repellent.” she saw the well-known words.

           So Inigo’s past name was Lee Yoo Joon. Verity was shocked how the man got 86%, this is very high and very rare to produce a test result this immense overall. The girl switched to the other paper which seemed a rather familiar hand-written letter.

          Dear Joachim!

My precious student tested 86% at the blood quantum test so he had to leave me and my school. He is a good kid, I love him as my own and I kindly ask you in the name of our friendship to take good care of him. He is my successor, so help him to keep this a secret for his safety and ensure his future as I would.

With respect and forever gratitude, your old friend Lee Sae Ryun.

        P.s.: On his test letter his name is different, other than that every data is corresponding. His real name is Kang Ji Wook, the boy who was lost in the river. Make sure to bury his name with his poor and troubled past in peace and handle his case tactfully for his sake.

           The teen’s jaws dropped. Master Lee wrote this letter. About the boy who was lost in the river. Like his own son. Everyone know who is it. Kang Ji Wook. It’s Inigo. She almost cried as she remembered the story that disturbed the whole town back then. How hard it must’ve been for him to deal with a father like that hideous and ferocious man. Thank god that he is alive after all – and she hoped that he feel the same now, that he got redemption after all those troubling years escaping the home that was more likely a military base.

           She heard some jarring sound outside. She put back the letters to its place and continued the packing like nothing happened. Only she knew that a lot happened. Her heart kept waving tempestuous for a long after that.

The Last Meeting

She barely remembers their first meeting now. It had been before she’d lived her first hundredth year, before she’d even known she was immortal. (She has theories about how she gained it, but the relevant memories are from something that happened when she was twenty, which is extremely fuzzy territory now, and it’s all speculation in any case) 

“Not really,” she finally answers his question. “If anything I can only know ‘must have beens.’ I know I must have been confused, I know I must have been a bit frightened, I know I must have doubted you, but I don’t remember that as such.”

“So you don’t remember what you were doing or what was going on?”

She shakes her head, but then the motion pauses and her eyes shift a little as she stops seeing what is and starts to see what was. “Was I out picking berries?”

It hurts him, just a bit, that she doesn’t remember such an important moment in her life.  However, it is understandable. It has been about 9,000 years for her, after all.

He remembers fine, but then it hasn’t been nearly so long ago from his perspective.

“No,” he says, and her eyes meet his again as her mind is drawn back into the present, “I think that was the second time from your perspective. Or the third. You were doing laundry in the river. I asked you what year it was and you didn’t seem to know what that concept was. I thought maybe my translator had broken and said this out loud and you definitely didn’t know what that was. I asked if you knew who I was and you shook your head.”

That had been both terrifying and exciting. He knew he could go no further back than that, or that if he did he could not meet her there. He’d never dared to try. He didn’t know how much longer or how much further forward he could meet her. He was getting older and his body was starting to show signs of irrevocable damage after all the stress he’d put it under, and his ability was getting weaker, though that was possibly a result of a subconscious desire to not use it to its full extent anymore. It was one of the greater sources of stress.

As if she’d read his mind, she put a hand over his folded ones and said:

“You don’t have to keep doing this. It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? A long beautiful ride. I don’t know exactly how it will end for me, but I’m certain your wife and children would appreciate it if you settled down. And you know that your descendants will be my friends for as long as they are able.”

It was true. They had built a space station just so that their ancestor and his immortal friend could have a set spot to meet up. She played cards with them and went on adventures with them and smiled and laughed with them. But they’d often told him that she was always so happy to see him, and he didn’t want to stop. He felt that it would be abandoning her, even if it was to their capable hands. (Not that she needed looking after by anyone really, but no matter what she was, she was still human enough to be a social creature, and to be sad that she would always outlive her friends, even him one day).

He said all this, and she smiled that smile of hers.

“This is all true.” She looked out the viewport, and he thought he could see the stars reflected in her eyes. She had seen some of them born. She would probably see some of those same stars die.

“Oh my friend, you can return to your time and be my friend there until the end of your life, and know that you will, and you already have, brought me much joy and happiness. That will be enough.”