A Nothingness within the Whole

I often wonder if Yoshiki takes baths

Or more specifically i wonder if he took baths before the whole bathroom impurity stuff happened and then if he took baths after

I feel like he'd just sit there staring at his own hands

Bc even afterwards he said something along the lines of "all i can remember is the feeling of trying to drown hikaru"

That feeling is bound to be amplified when sitting in the same tub he tried to drown him in. I imagine it'd happen even if he showered instead. He's standing in the same room it happened in after all, so does his stomach ever sink to the floor when he turns the water on?

I wonder about a lot of mundane everyday things Yoshiki does

Does he ever pause before reaching for a cooking knife? Is he ever helping out in the kitchen and then deliberately avoids the one knife he tried to kill hikaru with?

He connected raw chicken to hikaru in cooking class because it reminded him of what hikaru feels like, so does he ever hesitate when cutting up chicken?

Does that aversion get worse when he sees Hikaru's body sliced into pieces? (I dont remember if Yoshiki actually saw hikaru all cut up, but this still applies to hikaru being beheaded, just slightly less)

I wonder how many daily things hold so much weight to him now. What about the summer darter? Does he see them and stare for a moment too long?

If he does go to school in Tokyo to study "bug science", does he zone out everytime he see something about them? Or like monarch butterflies and the other butterflies that copy their pattern, that's the only one I can think of off the top of my head, but there's definitely tons of other insects that look like others but aren't.

How would he feel about them after everything?

When hikaru pauses when they're together, maybe because he spotted something and just got distracted or something, does Yoshiki instinctively look around to make sure no one will see hikaru if he happens to loose control and go after Yoshiki?

TW: TSHD/HGSN Chapter 48.3 Spoilers

Yoshikaru yuri sketches.............. the brainworms. Yoshiki doesn't care about shaving her legs and her mom yells at her when she wears shorts. Some of these are pre-accident but the left is post-accident.

WAR IS OVER

When Yoshiki stabbed hikaru and realized he couldn't be killed, he asked hikaru to kill him.

In a way, that was a wish. In the moment he had really intended to die and it was hinted at throughout all the scenes leading up to that part.

How he looked at the picture of his family, how he called his mom just to hear her voice, how he asked her to thank his dad. It was all premeditated, he was mentally preparing himself all day to not only kill Hikaru, but to die along side him.

He was in the depths of despair. He thought killing 'hikaru', the only thing that remains of his best friend and crush, would be for the best. But then he wouldn't be able to live without him, og hikaru even knew this which is why he made the wish in the first place.

And after spending all that time in the mindset that today is the day he dies, how could he not mean it with his entire being when he asked hikaru to kill him?

Whether he realized it or not, at the moment that was a wish. A wish hikaru denied.

Of course we didn't even know about the wishes at this point, not even hikaru knows, but just because he forgot he grants wishes doesn't necessarily mean he'd lose the ability. At least, I dont think he'd lose it.

This scene just hits a lot harder with all the new chapters in mind, especially with Hikaru's inner thoughts about how he doesn't want to kill Yoshiki.

He's literally fighting his nature and he isnt even aware of it yet. A wish was made and he instinctively wants to grant it, especially one that benefits his true nature and would let him consume the soul he loves so much. But he doesn't want Yoshiki to die.

So he chooses not to grant it.

Now later on it's said that hikaru can prioritize the wishes of those he cares about, which kind of completely contradicts everything i just said. It kind of implies that when Yoshiki makes a wish, hikaru will grant it simply because Yoshiki is his favorite person. So, if hikaru could grant wishes at the time, he would've killed Yoshiki. This would mean that the memory loss did temporarily take his wish granting abilities to a degree since he wasnt compelled to grant it.

But to that I say: 'hikaru' is a person too. He has his own wishes, his own desires. He values himself and the form he's taken because it's human and it's what allowed him to befriend Yoshiki. He loves himself because he loves life, and without this body he wouldn't be able to experience life.

Hikaru did grant a wish that day, his own.

He was presented with Yoshiki's wish, and he would've granted it then had there not been a second wish that appeared right after that one, the wish for Yoshiki to keep living.

Faced with two contradicting wishes he would have to choose which one deserved priority.

So he chose his own.

I dont mean to say he is self centered and loves himself so much he'll always choose himself in situations like this. What i mean is that he has his own thoughts and feelings apart from his wish granting nature.

He prioritizes the wishes of those he loves, yes, but he can also think things though about what wish he wants to grant. If he couldn't then he would've just granted Yoshiki's wish because it came first and his came next.

I also think that if hikaru didn't value himself he would've granted Yoshiki's wish. Even if he had wanted Yoshiki to live he would've still killed him because he needs to care about the person he's granting a wish for to put it above others.