Magali

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If someone can sprint 20 miles per hour, would you expect them to be able to maintain that speed for a long distance?

Of course you wouldn’t. Being able to do something does not mean that you can do it for a long period of time.

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Yes, that is exactly autism. 

Autistics need clear, precise, direct instructions.  Allistics communicate often by “reading between the lines”, which autistics struggle to do.

I have listed 4 examples below where an allistic parent tries to ask an autistic child to clean their room.  Granted if you are an adult, you’ve probably already figured this one out, but I wanted an easy example to illustrate the points of allistic-autistic communication, and where it can break down.

Example 1: Implied direction

Allistic Parent: “Your room needs to be cleaner.”

Autistic child’s thoughts: “That is a true statement.”  

Autistic child outloud: “Yeah.” *continues doing what they were doing*

Here, the allistic parent thinks they have told the child to clean their room.  But they haven’t!  All they’ve done is stated that the room should be cleaner.  This is not an instruction- it’s a statement.  Most autistics will fail to “read between the lines” and read the parents’ mind that what they want is for the child to clean their room.

Example 2: Direction with no details

Allistic parent: “Please clean your room.”

Autistic child: “Okay.” *continues doing what they were doing*

Here, the allistic parent has given an instruction- but they haven’t given any details, such as when do they want the room cleaned, or how?

Example 3: Direction with some details

Allistic parent: “Please clean your room, right now.”

Autistic child: “Okay.” *Child goes into their room and picks up dirty laundry off the floor, but leaves everything else.*

In this example, the parent gave even clearer instructions, and you can see that we’re getting somewhere! But they didn’t tell the child what “clean” meant, and so the child had to guess.  And they made a pretty good guess!  Picking up dirty laundry is certainly part of cleaning.  But the communication still broke down, as there are still objects on the floor and the room does not look clean to the parent.

Example 4: Directions with complete details and explanation:

Allistic parent: “Please pick up the dirty laundry in your room, and put away anything else that is on the floor, so I can vacuum.”

Autistic child: *Picks up the dirty laundry and puts away any other objects that were on the floor, making the floor clean enough to be vacuumed*

In this example, not only does the parent explain in clear detail what they want, they also explain why.  That why is extremely important, because autistic brains will draw different conclusions than allistic brains from the same sentences. 

If the child knows the reason they are being asked to pick up items on the floor for the purpose of vacuuming, then if they find an object that they’re unsure about, and don’t know whether they should pick it up, they can think “Will leaving this object here impeded vacuuming?” and then they can answer the question themselves, and follow through on the parent’s wishes.

Conclusion:

This communication breakdown translates into all areas of allistic-autistic communication, and it can be worked at from both sides.  Autistics can learn to ask questions, in order to get the details they need.  Allistics need to offer more details, and need to be patient when answering questions.  Both sides need to learn from each other, as every autistic person is different- and so is every allistic person. 

If, when communication does break down, both sides sit together and discuss where the communication went wrong, then it can be improved for next time.  This is a lot of work!  But it’s worth it, because eventually, both sides will learn each other’s nuances and expectations, and then there will be waaaay less misunderstandings, and far fewer arguments.

A caveat: 

A lot of allistics, instead of working towards improving communication, whine that “But why do I have to tell you, why can’t you just know what I want!”  

You Should Move Away.

They are performing a task known as “spacing” or “blocking” that helps reduce or prevent anxiety in their handler.

They are NOT “asking for pets” or being disobedient or asking to be spoken to. All you have to do is stay back from the dog and handler.

Go to Costco/Sams Club/WalMart - wherever they’ve got that $58 eye exam. That’s with no insurance, btw. Just $58 cash on the counter, you get your eyes examined.

They’ll give you a copy of your prescription. ASK THE DOCTOR TO MEASURE YOUR PUPIL DISTANCE. If they don’t it’s not a huge deal, you just have to have a ruler around that has millimeters so you can measure it yourself and it won’t be as accurate but being off by as much as a centimeter isn’t a problem.

Make them give you a copy of your prescription - you are allowed to have this, they have to give you it, you don’t have to buy glasses there. If anyone challenges you say you need a copy for your records and you’re not going to buy glasses today.

Go to https://www.zennioptical.com/ and start looking at frames/glasses that you like. If you create an account it’ll let you upload a photo and based on your pupil distance the site will estimate how well various frames will fit you.

Add the frames you like to cart and start checking out - the checkout process will ask you for your RX details that will be written in the boxes on your RX page. It’s pretty intuitive to copy it over but if you get lost use the livechat feature on the zenni page.

Start selecting your glasses details. Your RX will determine what kind of lens you get (go with the one zenni recommends for materials and thickness) but your needs will determine the other stuff. I make sure to get the fancy oleophobic coating because I’m a slimy bog monster. I also get the cheapest pair of sunglasses possible because bog monsters hate the sun. You can get transitions lenses or anti-scratch coating or super lightweight lenses or whatever works best for you. The extras will add up in cost but you gotta do what you gotta do - my life is much better with a pair of sunglasses than it is with some clip-ons for my regular glasses; your life may be better with transitions lenses instead of carrying a second set of glasses. DO WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU.

Don’t bother paying the rush shipping, this is going to take two weeks regardless.

GLASSES ARRIVE. WEAR GLASSES.

If the fit isn’t perfect see if the place that did your eye exam will adjust the fit for you. They often will free of charge.

GLASSES. GLASSES. I CAN SEE.

PROGRESSIVE BIFOCALS THAT COST $40 WITH CUTE FRAMES AND NICE COATING.

SUNGLASSES.

FUCK

It costs less for me to get two pairs of bifocals, one tinted and one clear, with special coatings and nice frames than it would cost me to get one pair of single-vision glasses from Warby Parker.

The cheapest frames available for adults on Lenscrafter’s site is $69.95. That is JUST the frames, not the lenses. The lenses are like $200. The anti-glare coating is like $70. THE ANTI GLARE COATING IS FREE AND INCLUDED WITH YOUR PURCHASE AT ZENNI. Just the frames and the coating at lenscrafters costs more than my two pairs of glasses AND my eye exam.

These people shouldn’t have to perform or have marketable skills to “not deserve” homelessness.