i know schizotypal disorder includes magical thinking/odd beliefs and occasional transient/short-lived psychosis. could it also include/allow for long-term delusions that persist beyond [most] other symptoms of a psychotic episode?
in specifics, i believe i am physically/biologically an alien & a weredog. i hold both of these as absolutely true, but i am also highly, highly aware that others would consider these beliefs of mine to be delusions, and believe me to be "crazy" for having them. sooo i just do not talk about them except behind an anonymous mask. i am not "aware that they're delusions" (although i'll use language as though i am in this ask for simplicity's sake), i am aware that others see these beliefs as delusions, and i act accordingly. the only distress these beliefs "cause" me, comes from the knowledge that if i talk about them openly, i will be shunned and treated with cruelty from others, which leads to a lot of anxiety of being discovered or found out. i already have a reputation for being the weird/eccentric one, which causes enough trouble for me, and i don't want that to get worse. i sometimes will experience--what would be called--somatic & tactile hallucinations, largely in the midst of a transformation (eg, i can feel my face turning into the face of a dog), but aside from that, no hallucinations.
aside from that one thing (two specific, long-term delusions that come with/cause related hallucinations, but no distress outside of fear of social ostracization, and no hallucinations outside of what comes with the delusions), i am far more stereotypically schizotypal than schizophrenic, and i find the label and experiences of schizotypal disorder to be more accurate so long as i ignore the above. i otherwise have no psychotic symptoms outside of when i'm experiencing severe stress (well, save for quasipsychotic experiences such as magical thinking & paranoia). perhaps i shouldn't be worrying as much about the distinction as i am, but i am not a fan of vagueness and much prefer being able to use specific and accurate language, and being so caught between the two as i am makes it harder to have that. any insight would be appreciated.
Well if it's any consolation this is a very common conundrum that comes up for many people again and again.
And the annoying answer is that there's no clear answer, and the actual (official) diagnosis you'd end up with if all of this was explained to a psychiatrist would depend on their individual interpretation of the line between psychosis and quasi-pyschosis.
Some consider a lack of insight into the fact that their beliefs would be considered to be delusional to be a hallmark for "full blown psychosis", while others hold that if you truly believe it even while able to acknowledge that it isn't aligned with consensus reality and acting accordingly, then it's fully psychotic. Some argue that any level of "actual hallucinations" means it's full blown psychosis thus warranting a schizophrenia diagnosis, while others think it depends on the type and duration.
So frustrating as it is, there's actually a huge group of people who aren't clearcut either schizophrenic or schizotypal, but who could go either way depending on the person doing the diagnosis.
Personally I fall into this category. My official diagnosis is schizophrenia, but I generally just refer to myself as schizo-spec because of this.
But like. We're a lot of people out here who can't make a clear cut distinction bc ultimately these diagnoses are clumsy attempts to simplify a complicated reality.
So I recommend trying to get comfortable with the fact that it's either unknowable, a choice you make in how to identify, or something left to a professional to make a random judgment call on.