very…okay

we do need to revisit the wording of "you can't have your cake and eat it too" because i don't think it clearly enough conveys that it's more that you can't simultaneously retain a cake and also get to consume it (which would render you cakeless). for years i was like But why not....it's my cake....?

this fucking problem is how they caught the unabomber

hey you should uh. elaborate. for my own personal satisfaction

the unabomber was pedantic about idiomatic phrases like "have your cake and eat it too" and rephrased it to "eat your cake and have it too" (which to be very fair makes sense). fast forward to when he starts writing manifestos. he uses the phrase word for word in his pedantic style and his brother (who has been keeping his eyes on the unabomber shit for obvious reasons) notices the phrase and is like "oh fuck that's my fucking brother no one else fucking says that" and calls in an FBI tip

uh oohhh forgot to wipe down the cutting board from last night before cutting up strawberries #onionberries #onionberries #onionberries #onionberries #onionberries

me in the middle of a panic attack: wow the human condition 💖 so many fascinating things to experience in thjs world i’m very lucky

RIP Henry Dickerson, who passed away last night. I tried explaining to him once that he was a tumblr legend, but I’m not sure it took.

we’re a social species. use your goddamn turn signal.

mormons undoubtedly in the top 5 worst things the united states has ever invented which is really saying something

sorry that sometimes when I stay up too late I start posting abt how much I hate mormonism but the spirit just moves me to do it

like the mormon church is just such a perfect microcosm of everything wrong with christianity as it's practiced among the american right wing. everything abt it is so disgusting. one of the most utterly repulsive spectacles of racism, misogyny, and bigotry to ever leave a stain on the earth

This is like those spot the difference games on the backs of kids magazines in 2010

Girls Scouts encounter Bigfoot the most frequently. Part of their oath is to keep him a secret because he’s very kind and makes up 30% of their revenue due to his fervent love for thin mints.

As a Girl Scout leader, I am telling you that this is NOT true, and any former girl scout that says it is, should think about what they are saying and what oaths they may have sworn in the past