worlds apart

“Not until the dementia set in. So, maybe she is. It absolutely is vile, though. I mean.. It’s probably like, salty right?”

“right, right. then all the play-doh cravings started? yes - it probably is. don’t - please don’t go biting play-doh. or if you really have to, let me make you some that’s actually eatable and - don’t let little miss see you or she’ll think it’s okay.”

“Aub! That’s hurtful. I’m an absolute treasure. Besides, she could be a knitting prodigy.”

“alright, alright, you know i was joking. we truly wouldn’t be complete without you. can we wait until she can support this hobby on her own? my bank account is already screaming. kitting is expensive.”

“The secret they don’t tell you is that it never stops. They’ll continue even in adulthood to come up with even weirder shit.”

“oh god, yeah i don’t know if i’m prepared for those at all. can’t she just stay a baby forever?”

i am much more an indie girl you know…aesthetically…i thrift my clothes a lot and dress kind of plain…but…”e-girls are ruining my life” really just lives in my head rent free and i swear it gives me a power boost…like that song and winged eyeliner and i could easily fight a man and win.

“i feel like you could fight a man and win without the song and the winged eyeliner, but hey, if it boosts you, it boosts you.”

“I’ll teach her that too- don’t test me. I’m just lookin’ to make her into my own little mini-me.”

“do not teach my three year old how to knit. that is a very expensive hobby that i currently cannot keep up with. another one of you? we’re all doomed.”

“Some days I think she’s possessed by the spirit of my dearly departed Nana Anderson. But then she like, chews on play-doh and I’m like.. Maybe not.” 

“oh, so you mean to tell me your dearly departed nana anderson didn’t regularly bite hunks out of play-doh? here i was thinking that was a normal thing people do and i was the abnormal one thinking it was the most vile thing in the world.”

“At least with the Werthers you could slip her the sugar-free ones? Could be a blessing in disguise, if you look at it that way.”

“if i could, believe me, i would. she is far too smart for her own good and will catch on immediately. she’s - an interesting one.”

“Figuring out your kids weird ass quirks is the most amusing thing. There were moments with every single one of mine where I’d just stop and go ‘what the actual hell’, and then just accept it and move on.”

“oh believe me, i know. she’s got so many of them at this point that i should be used to it, but i’m just not. they always just get weirder and weirder.”

“Kids are weird, like, really, really weird.”

“i knew that before, but this is really a whole new level.”

“That might be my fault. But, to be fair.. Mom used to shove them at me anytime I begged for candy. I have the palate of a nana.”

“might be? goodness - next think i know she’s going to want to learn how to knit! she can’t even spell her own name yet.”

“Whatever happened to the normal… snickers and hershey bars.”

“that’s what i’m saying! where did she get this taste from? i know it’s not me.”

“here, in lima.”

“i think i would like more, yeah.”

“oh gosh - i would like to say my creativity? she has a lot of that now, on her own, but i hope she sticks with it.”

“i feel like that’s all small things cause even the animals are like that, and i just don’t get where it all comes from cause they’re so tiny and they sleep for like ten minutes and are back up and ready to run a marathon.”

“right? i just don’t get it. my daughter has been asking for a pet, and i really just can’t bring myself to do it. i’m already exhausted enough as it is.”

“We’d be like The Incredibles but like.. I most definitely wouldn’t have super strength. Even in an insane supernatural world I know my upper body strength would be shit. However, you could totally be Elastigirl.”

“yeah, we’d be the incredibles, minus the incredible. me? as elastigirl? gosh no, that would never work. you would totally be able to have super human strength, come on.”