before you go

“oh, so you mean to tell me your dearly departed nana anderson didn’t regularly bite hunks out of play-doh? here i was thinking that was a normal thing people do and i was the abnormal one thinking it was the most vile thing in the world.”

“Not until the dementia set in. So, maybe she is. It absolutely is vile, though. I mean.. It’s probably like, salty right?”

“i feel like my daughter is three going on eighty-five, sometimes. she decided this year that heath bars and werther’s were her favorite candies, and she will not stop asking for them. i don’t - grasp how this happened.”

“Some days I think she’s possessed by the spirit of my dearly departed Nana Anderson. But then she like, chews on play-doh and I’m like.. Maybe not.” 

“if only we were in a supernatural world. that sounds like it would work better than caffeine. - oh yeah, we’d be the unstoppable family.”

“We’d be like The Incredibles but like.. I most definitely wouldn’t have super strength. Even in an insane supernatural world I know my upper body strength would be shit. However, you could totally be Elastigirl.”

“i swear my daughter never gets tired. i don’t understand it at all, all she does is bounce off the walls, yet she’s still always wired and never, ever wants to sleep. i’m about to just pass out.”

“If we can figure out how to harness her energy for our own gain, we’ll be unstoppable.”

“I’m eighteen, I’m supposed to be incredibly stupid.”

“Not at that level, B...”

“Mildly illegal.”

“Incredibly stupid.”

“no, because that’d be mean as hell and I would then have to resort to more drastic measures to continue to feed my vices.”

“Your illegal vices. Seriously, Banks.. That’s not okay.”

“Bartender called my bluff on suing him for stealing my fake id last night. Guess I’m in the market for a new one. It’s a good thing, the picture on my last one looked like trash.”

“I love you with my whole heart, kid. But like.. The fuck? Am I going to have to drive to every bar in town with a print out of you and tell them not to serve minors- most notably my nephew?”

“I was at the grocery store today and this little girl came up to me and called me Daddy. I got nervous as hell because I do not need any little kids running around me, calling me dad. I have enough of them, that I love dearly of course. I am waiting for my kids to have kids, so I can have a cool nickname, like G-Pop or Pappastar. You know? Something dazzling and classy.”

“If I ever decide to have kids, they’re calling you Uncle Lameass. That’s a promise. Hoping your kiddos find some equally annoying names for your Grandpa title.”

avi: one of these children stuffed a broken trombone behind the shelf in the storage room

“you know, i’m really wondering how the hell two year old’s have this much energy? and why i can’t have some of it if i’m going to be chasing one around for most of my time? - it’s exhausting,”

“I need coffee to deal with teenagers.. I hope you’re getting a healthy dose to deal with a toddler.”

“preparing for a baby is - terrifying - yet really exciting, i think. it’s a lot, though.”

“Just don’t drop it and you’ll be fine.”

“Planned on going to New York with my mom next week, then I found out her husband is going. Anyway, my week just opened up.”

“You could always spend it with your favorite uncle? Before you say it’s Blaine, think long and hard about how great you want your Christmas present to be this year.”

“I’ll never let him or anyone else take them away from me.” He laughed. “Anyways, how have you been?”

Avi let out an exasperated sigh, as if Blaine was just completely putting him out. “Fine. I’ve been.. Okay. Just focusing on work, mostly. I’ve started doing a few lessons after school for the kids that want an extra edge around all-state time.” 

“That’s what Kurt tells me but I have a guilty pleasure for them, Av!”

“You should listen to Kurt. In this moment more than ever, he is definitely your better half when it comes to fashion decisions.”

“I do, but these have patterns!”

“The patterned ones are the absolute worst of the worst, B.”