finally emerging from the haze of 3-months-of-severe-morning-sickness with a fully formed fic idea
now i just need to, y'know, write it

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@atthebuzzer
finally emerging from the haze of 3-months-of-severe-morning-sickness with a fully formed fic idea
now i just need to, y'know, write it

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trying to imagine the internal games and tricks I’d use to cope w/ gemma’s situation and like. I don’t even know. I don’t even know. nothing is yours. nobody truly cares for you down there. everything is totally drained of what makes life worth living. you have your private thoughts, but you don’t even know if they Get those from you when you’re taken into the various testing rooms bc you don’t even know what they’re doing in there. nothing is yours!!
It only gets worse the longer you think about it. Lumon really built hell and purgatory right above it. Her experience is simultaneously a mix of the worst kind of solitary confinement and sensory deprivation and psychological warfare. To only ever see the faces of your captors, whom you have to please every day and follow their rules. To only ever see white, to only ever eat those fucking jello capsules, to only ever dress up in forced attires and a prisoner uniform, to be stripped of your own dignity knowing you are being watched at all times, to not have any privacy in a bathroom, toilet, bedroom. To retreat inwards into your memories knowing those too are being stolen and erased and you will never again see the world above or the people you love...
This makes me wonder if there are parts of Gemma's memory that are truly erased. Will Devon will make some old inside joke, something from years ago that they said all the time, and Gemma just --- can't remember it anymore? (Something like Irving's "Hi kids, what's for dinner?")
Can you imagine how heartbreaking that will be to Devon and Ricken? To realize that one of your best friends, your own family, is right here after all these years but doesn't exist anymore?
Devon and Mark using "Scout's honor" as a little joke because "haha that's our last name" around Ricken who was a very serious Eagle Scout and always goes, "Guys, come on stop it. You guys, be serious, you weren't even scouts. You don't have clearance. Guys, that's sacred. Guys."
Severance text posts - Woe's Hollow edition
Propaganda for my dearly beloved Gemma Scout:
Being a scifi show, one of the things severance excels at is focusing on character, not concept. Gemma was never introduced through flashbacks in the show, but rather through the hole of grief she left in the lives of those who loved her, and through her enigmatic innie Ms. Casey. Far from being the dead wife, Gemma is revealed to be alive, fighting back, tortured by the corporation Lumon and repeatedly trying to escape from the underground prison where they’ve been keeping her for two years without reprieve. A textbook case of fandom racism, she gets thrown under the bus constantly while her white counterparts get uplifted. Fans unable to sympathise or care about her, who claim she didn’t have it that bad, who claim she kidnapped herself and is doomed to die anyways. She gets the BEST 50 minutes of television ever, but that doesn’t stop racist pricks from calling her unimportant and uninteresting. Every other character in the show gets a romantic relationship, but people get mad at her for still loving Mark, and Mark still loving her. Every plot point leads back to her and she is arguably the key character of the entire series (there would be no show without her)
gemma scout propaganda!
THERE WOULD BE NO SHOW WITHOUT HER

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have we talked about the part of the severance s2 opener where a car (cobel's maybe?) is sinking into the frozen lake? do we think this is foreshadowing or.......????
my thing about ms. casey is I understand why mark s. yells at her to get through the door at the finale but I also think he should be beaten with hammers for doing so. ms. casey & mark scout DO something for me. imagine the man you’ve been particularly interested in recently (because he is kind and sees you as a person, not a part of a person) actually knows everything about you & loves you deeply. I am very mentally ill.
the concept of ms. casey. you wake up in a hallway & are told to read cryptic statements to people and anytime those people act like humans you punish them. which means you get less time with them. but you’re curious, you have always been curious, and you are just on the cusp of learning that you might, possibly, have free will. you learn this from an angry beautiful redhead and a soft sad man.
she drives me crazy. I love her.
ms. casey is how I live out my fantasy of being loved unconditionally, without having to do any work. what if you were only alive for like 100 hours and there was a dude so in love with you already he’s suicidally depressed for not being near you. Ok wait that would suck. But you know what I mean.
Mark and Gemma Scout - Same Hell, Different Rings....
Audio: See You Again: Coachella Performance - Tyler The Creator
how could u write the line 'did your sheets smell like her for weeks' and not come back around to give it dramatic irony
like imagine literally asking ur sibling if her sheets smelled like ur dead wife i understand its a normal question to ask grammatically but like... you know what i mean. did she sleep in your bed devon?/rhetorical and then imagine the answer was yes
already commented this but I am begging anyone and everyone to read the fic "dramatic irony." pleasepleaseplease it is SO good
how could u write the line 'did your sheets smell like her for weeks' and not come back around to give it dramatic irony
like imagine literally asking ur sibling if her sheets smelled like ur dead wife i understand its a normal question to ask grammatically but like... you know what i mean. did she sleep in your bed devon?/rhetorical and then imagine the answer was yes

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extremely dumb, OOC fic idea: letters sent between Gemma and Hellyna arguing about who has custody over Mark
in the sassy style of "Your Obedient Servant" from Hamilton
extremely, supremely, wonderfully dumb. And yet can't get it out of my head.
ANYWAYS
upon further reflection, this would work MUCHHHHHHHH better as a written convo between Helena and Helly, with Helena as Burr and Helly as Hamilton. probably arguing about the best way to save Lumon's reputation while also keeping the innies alive. Helena keeping her cards close to her chest and Helly ready to throw hands
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
extremely dumb, OOC fic idea: letters sent between Gemma and Hellyna arguing about who has custody over Mark
in the sassy style of "Your Obedient Servant" from Hamilton
extremely, supremely, wonderfully dumb. And yet can't get it out of my head.
ANYWAYS
No one. Panic.
Turns out the person with more editing skills than me was just me but a few months later.
Still not 100% on what's being said but l am quite literally freaking out having it heard this clearly. I am pretending to be very calm online but my body is tense and the joy is overtaking me in person.
If you have any pitches on what Mark is talking about here ..... TELL ME PLEASE HELP ME DECIPHER THIS PLESSE GOD I CANNOT BELIEVE I STUMBLED UPON THE ABILITY TO DO THIS ON ACCIDENT HELDLXJDIEKXNSK
really into the idea of severance s3 opening on the Hale household at some undetermined future time, and then it's only revealed that months have passed between s2 and s3 by Ricken walking in holding a not-newborn-anymore Eleanor
Mark's sassy "Yeah...I know who you are" to Helena
vs his awed "I'm sorry, who are you?" to Gemma is imprinted on my brain

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Severance Observation!
MY FOOD ANALYSIS
AKA: Mark Scout's consumption of food as a metaphor for grief throughout the show Severance!
As some of you may know, I have talked a little bit about my food analysis in relation to Mark and while I have made (but not yet presented!) my PowerPoint for it, I wanted to share it on my blog too! Mostly, I need to finally put it out there and my friends and I haven't scheduled our PowerPoint night yet and I'm going BANANAS because I really want to discuss this.
I also thought it would be nice to post now for MarkGemma week (hi @markgemmaw !) as the topic focuses on Mark's relationship to his grief and, therefore, to Gemma.
This is all from my own opinions and observations, if you disagree, totally cool! Nothing is factual, all is fun!
TW: Mention of passive suicidal tendencies
Anyway, with that, I shall begin.
On this post, we'll be getting into every time Mark Scout (and Mark S.!) eats and doesn't eat and the elements around him that may heighten, hide, or remove his grief.
My obsession with Mark Scout's eating habits first arose with The Sandwich. The first meal we see Mark eat. I made a post here about it so this particular slide might be a bit short as I rehash these points.
After the "No Dinner" Dinner Party, Devon apologizes to Mark with a sandwich (and offer of $3,000). When Mark first receives the sandwich, his bite is BIG and EAGER. We know already from the little we've seen of Mark Scout that he doesn't particularly take care of himself. Alcohol has become a go-to meal for him so, with that on top of a lack of dinner, it's no shock for him to be hungry.
However, as conversation continues in this scene, it eventually makes it way to Mark's therapy. While not directly about Gemma, it's close enough and what does Mark do? He slows down his eating. He picks at his sandwich, disinterested, even though he had just been taking huge bites!
His grief around Gemma blocks nourishment. No nourishment can lead to death. This highlights Mark's passive suicidal tendencies - The Severance Procedure obviously being the biggest in his life.
Then, when Devon voices she doesn't think forgetting about her is the same as healing, Mark takes a small piece of sandwich and eats it. To me, I read this as a non-verbal display of Mark trying to prove that he's fine. Capable of moving on (of eating) without properly grieving.
When Devon changes the subject, Mark goes back to full bites, unbothered, stomach hungry again. Grief and Gemma removed from the conversation makes room for Mark to eat again.
Next, we have The Dates. We're tackling two at once so bear with me as we jump around a little bit.
On Mark's first date with Alexa, the distance between them is apparent, their plates are empty, and if you listen close enough, Billie Holiday's I'll Be Seeing You, plays like a taunt in the background. A jackpot find for the Food Analysis.
On this first date, Alexa makes this following statement:
"If you met someone out here you wouldn't know it in there. Like, you could get married and have kids and just forget they exist for eight hours every day for your whole life. That doesn't mess with your head?"
To which, Mark replies,
"I think for some people it's the point."
We, the audience, understand the implication. We know why Mark has chosen to sever. But this dialogue along with the lack of any eating on this date (when Mark is already on his second drink!) furthers the idea of Gemma's link to nourishment.
All the while, Mark is literally forced to ignore Gemma by ignoring their song as it plays in the background of this (I assume?) first date since her passing.
No food consumed. Too full of grief.
However, on the second date Mark eats! He refuses alcohol!
He also talks about Gemma. I believe it's the first time in the show we hear about Gemma in some positive way. He talks about the kind of person she was, their struggle with having kids, he even talks explicitly about her being dead and being pissed about it and the whole time, he is eating! While Mark's grief is still present, it's manageable because he's able to reflect on happier times. The grief is not filling him up because he's expressing some form of it out loud, he's sharing Gemma and making room in himself by doing it.
I also want to point out that Mark eats exclusively with his right hand in this scene. The hand that was injured in the Break Room right after he passed by Ms. Casey and said, "I'm sorry." This hand's wrist also has a watch! A watch I so sooo want to bring attention to. And so.
I Shall.
First of all, it's not common to wear your watch on your dominant hand (I literally got scolded for it in middle school?? Is this anyone else's experience?). Being an office man, I'm surprised Mark does this. But, for the Food Analysis I'm really grateful for the choice.
Here's what I found on the watch Mark wears:
"The Vostok Komandirskie collection captures the essence of Russian military heritage in a timepiece. Renowned for their durability and functionality, Komandirskie watches stand as a testament to precision in adverse conditions…. Built to withstand the rigors of military life, the Komandirskie series combines ruggedness with refined aesthetics…."
...Yeah. So, I do find it fun and noteworthy that the hand Mark uses to nourish himself in this scene also holds a Russian watch renowned for its precision in adverse conditions and refined aesthetics. It's almost like the watch is Gemma herself....
Onto The Cookies. Timeline wise, we're kind of moving around with this one but I hope you can forgive me!
Mrs. Selvig brings Mark chamomile cookies!
Fun fact about chamomile, one of the many pros that the herb provides its consumer is digestive relief. Once Mark tries out the cookies and gives his polite praise, Mrs. Selvig immediately launches into talking about her dead husband, a topic Mark can relate to and one that might be easier to have now that his "digestive track" has something alleviating it. Selvig hopes to get Mark to open up (about his grief specifically, I assume as a way to monitor how much the chip is working).
What's interesting is, later, when the truth about Cobel comes out and Mark realizes all of the ways she's invaded his personal life, he brings attention to The Cookies, calling them shitty and implying his eating of them was more for her than it was for him. The Cookies and their connection to grief given the conversation around them, were two things Mark was not prepared to consume, stubborn in his avoidance around grief, he was not yet prepared to digest it, despite the "relief" the cookies were supposed to bring.
Give it up for Chips! The first "meal" we see Mark make for himself.
This scene starts off with Mark Scout catching up on life at Ganz through their website. While I do this this comes from his introduction to Reghabi, I am sure the character sends himself into a spiral of thoughts around his past teaching days and, by default, Ganz's connection to Gemma.
This is also THEE Gemma scene in season 1 in my opinion as we are about to discover exactly who this woman is. But before that, we get shots of Mark at his table with a scattered array of chips falling out of the bag. Scattered chips that almost mimic scattered pieces of a torn photo.
While Mark puts the image back together, The Chips are ignored. His source of sustenance shifts from food to Gemma, again highlighting her as his nourishment. But, of course, since it is just a photo and, Gemma, just a memory it is not enough to satisfy him. Just as a bag of chips cannot be a satisfying meal.
Mark S. and his Eggs! A few things I want to point out here and most of them involve dialogue BUT before that I want to make sure to acknowledge Mark S. has no trouble with eating. And why should he? He doesn't carry grief around Gemma the same way his outie does. In fact, I'm sure Mark Scout relies on Mark S. to eat and keep them alive and healthy in that way on the Severed Floor.
I also want to point out again that Mark is eating with his right hand. Trust me this will come back later!
Onto the dialogue of the scene. When Mark enters the kitchenette, Helly says,
“I figured it out. The goats lay the eggs.”
An important line for our purposes here because goats are clearly tied to Gemma. Not even just in Cold Harbor but there are other fun connections throughout the show that would probably take a separate post. However, for the purposes of the Food Analysis, it's interesting for there to be this connection through food to Gemma.
As the scene progresses, Mark S. expresses,
“I hope I have things I care about. Like, for real.”
Which we know he does and we know one of those things is Gemma. Conversation, though indirectly, highlights Gemma in the presence of food, especially when food is being easily consumed.
The Dining Table...OH THE DINING TABLE! First of all, I want to direct attention to this post which points out the composition of this shot and how well it works to communicate the narrative without explicit dialogue. I love that post. That post helped me pay a lot more attention to this shot and when I took the time to look closer I realized "Gemma's spot" is the only spot with food in front of it.
And oh, not just any ol' assortment of treats but grapes! And cheese!
I did my research of the two and found this:
Grapes: Symbol of rebirth with an emphasis on resurrection in mythology and religion Cheese: Considered a spiritual food in some practices and known for how filling it can be.
The emphasis of food that highlights revival and fulfillment the same night the Scouts/Hales learned that Gemma is alive (even with varying levels of belief in it) what a powerful symbol!
Along with that JUICY find, the scene quite literally fades from the Dining Table to Irving's painting of the Exports Hall. A direct tie to Gemma! From where we gather to consume meals STRAIGHT TO where Gemma is trapped. Poetic. Lovely. Such a huge moment for The Food Analysis.
In episode 2x02 Mark accepts Devon's offer for food.
Spoilers, he doesn't eat. I think this symbolizes Mark's intrigue with the idea of Gemma being alive but his immense grief around the situation acts as a barrier for belief. Up until the point of Devon bringing up Gemma, Mark seems ready to consume but as conversation gets more heated, the menu is ignored and Mark gets up to leave the second nourishment (in this case, water) is brought to the table.
What we see after Mark's departure brings the connection home.
"Frolic" on Drummond's left hand. Now, this is more fan theory and speculation and I gather most of my persuasion from this fantastic post and analysis which calls to attention the Four Tempers and which of our characters might best represent them. Frolic comes up as Gemma's temper and from what we know of her and saw of her, especially in Chikai Bardo, I would agree that Frolic is an accurate association.
Drummond's left hand is also the hand he uses for that first punch to Mark's face in Cold Harbor as he fights to save Gemma.
What we see immediately after this scene is Mark's fish tank with an emphasis on the red fish. Again, leaning into fan theory and observation, but I believe there's a consensus on Red representing outie while Blue representing innie so the highlight on Red here draws attention to the outie's turmoil.
Why this is important for the Food Analysis is when we pan out we see Mark, for the first time in the show, feeding his fish. Mark then goes to his window and checks again to see if he can spot Cobel. Parts of him are hungry for this knowledge around Gemma's state of being, even though he fights against it.
While I had previously paid Mark's Fridge no mind while watching Severance, you know I had to zoom tf in on it upon rewatch. That's literally the food hub! And I am SO glad I did!
Important note! By this point, Mark has started reintegration.
First, I want to point out the Blue Fish. As I said on the previous slide, Blue represent innie. What I think this particular magnet signifies is the innie being this container, or fridge, holding knowledge/satisfaction around Gemma. The innie knows for sure that Ms. Casey and Gemma are the same person. The innie knows for sure she was alive the last time he saw her. He holds all the information that Mark hungers for the same way a fridge holds the food a starved person would hunger for.
Next, the postcard:
"The Russian Bear and The American Dears"
I think this particular piece of art can have a few interpretations.
The Russian Bear can represent Gemma Scout and the surrounding “dears” represent her innies OR the Russian Bear stands as Lumon and the “dears” still as Gemma's innies.
"Dears" could be a play on words for "Deer" in the second interpretation as Gemma has been associated with deer – primarily in Chikai Bardo.
Lastly, the book cover:
Auferstehung by Leo Tolstoy
When we first meet Gemma Chetri, she is reading “The Death of Ivan Ilyich” by Leo Tolstoy so the connection to the author is obvious. But this particular work contains a moment I would like to share:
"He goes to visit her in prison, meets other prisoners, hears their stories, and slowly comes to realize that below his gilded aristocratic world, yet invisible to it, is a much larger world of cruelty, injustice and suffering."
Mark visits Gemma often, unbeknownst to either of them, and Mark S. discovers the horrors happening on the Severed Floor and can only imagine the horror continuing below on the Testing Floor. The "world of cruelty" this passage mentions no doubt symbolizes Lumon.
I think this passage also calls attention to this idea that, for Mark, Lumon was a saving grace in his "gilded aristocratic world." Severance held the exact answer to his problem. He chose to forget Gemma and separate himself in any way from her. For Gemma, it was done against her will. His choice was her torture.
"Auferstehung" when translated to English means resurrection.
Mark S. and his Melon. As I mentioned, reintegration has started and what I find so interesting about it in relation to food is how Mark Scout's system of dealing with grief trickles down to Mark S.
As we saw before, Mark S. has no trouble with eating but when it comes to Irving's melon head there is some hesitation (for many reasons I'm sure but for the purposes of this Analysis we'll stay focused on grief!).
Mark S. has a relationship around grief that we have not fully seen and I want to take a moment to compare it to the one other time we've really seen Mark S. lose someone. While it was a short-lived outburst, when Mark S. lost Petey there was a curiosity around it and fear and a want for answers. Unfortunately, he was shut down early in his discovery but that fire was there nonetheless. With Irving, while Mark S. should have a plethora of questions and abundance of grief, he turns away from it. He brings attention to needing to work.
Mark S says of Irving:
"He’s not dead, he’s just not here."
And later, of Gemma:
"She’s not dead, she’s just not here."
This highlights Mark's way of grieving finding its way to the Severed Floor and back up again and proves the point (again) that emotions transcend Severance.
Mark S.' hesitation and lack of intake of food shows us this theme through a different mode of example.
For this slide, I attached two photos so you can see the subtitbles.
Mark S. notes his hunger before looking for relief.
As we have come to know, Mark Scout's fridge is quite sad. It doesn't hold a lot of anything and that which is does hold is hard to make out.
Except for that patch of green in the back. Now, I cannot fully say whether those are Edamame or Snow Peas but don't worry. I have Food and Grief connections for both.
Eda translates to "branch" or "stem." Snow Peas have the name because they are particularly resilient during the “cold months.”
If they are Edamame, the translation having a connection to nature is an obvious link to Gemma, our beautiful plant girl.
If they are Snow Peas the connection to Gemma is another apparent one. Throughout this whole show, Gemma has been resisting during the cold months as we see Kier covered in an everlasting snow.
Snow Peas are also known as "mange-tout" which is French for “eat everything." Snow Peas are an easy meal -- which is probably why Mark keeps a handful around -- but in order to fill up you would need to eat a large amount or all of them.
At the end of the scene, though hungry, Mark S. does not take from the fridge. I believe this communicates the idea that Mark S. cannot be satisfied by Mark Scout's foods/needs.
And speaking of hunger, let's go to Zufu's!
Right before this scene, we see Mark Scout in his basement with Reghabi and after continuing the reintegration process he says the same thing his innie did not long before.
"I'm starving."
At this point, Mark has confirmation of Gemma being alive. While there is still a "grief" it's different now. He's not longer mourning her death but her pain. He is eager, or hungry, to get her back. We see this through the use of actual hunger. The hole in his stomach has opened up and he, seemingly, cannot consume enough food.
Right after this scene we cut back to Drummond's same hand! Again, because of Gemma's connection to Frolic, this is an immediate tie to her after a scene surrounding food.
Again, I'm pointing out Mark eating with his right hand.
OH CHIKAI BARDO!!!!! A moment of silence to acknowledge her greatness...... AND we're back.
During Severance's beautifully written, acted, and directed episode, Chikai Bardo, we get some Flashbacks to Mark and Gemma's life before her "passing."
The most obvious point I want to make here is Mark Scout eats and has no trouble doing so... </3
More specifically, Mark has no trouble making meals for himself! He's not incompetent! He's capable of simple meals which only brings more attention to his actively not eating throughout the rest of the show. These Flashbacks also bring attention to the fact that Mark can and does eat eating during bad times. He can consume during tense, angry, and uncomfortable situations. It is specifically grief and the loss of Gemma where he finds himself starving.
This, again, points out Mark's passive suicidal tendencies at the loss of Gemma and his bare minimum effort to keep himself alive without her.
Lastly, within Chikai Bardo, we see Mark Scout eat with his left hand and get a good shot of the bite with his wedding ring. Just as I pointed out with the watch, the hand that most ties him to Gemma brings him his sustenance, his life.
And for my final entry: Lumon.
Wait. Scratch that. Lumon
Lumen.
Pronounced just the same way and often times a spelling error within the fandom space of Severance, the Lumen secretes a digestive enzyme within our stomachs. Lumen can also be found in plants and also aids in digestion within those systems.
The word Lumen comes from Latin and means 'an opening.'
You could say the Lumen is in charge of whether or not you get the nourishment you need.
Just as Lumon rules over Mark and whether he gets his "nourishment."
So...basically yeah.
And as most nourishment does (i.e. plants, animals), Gemma Scout thrives in the sunshine.
She is quite literally the show's sustenance.
That concludes my Food Analysis! I had a lot of fun paying attention to literally any and all things food in Severance season 1+2 and YOU CAN BET YOUR ASSSSSS I'M GONNA BE OBSESSING OVER THE FOOD IN SEASON 3 I'M ALREADY THINKING ABOUT IT!!!
I hope you enjoyed this post! If you have any food thoughts, please share! Happy MarkGemma Week and happy Severance Season 3 Filming This Year :D
daydrunk helly not knowing how to use voice-to-text