MadamDarcy

they hate me because the years of memory loss has purified my mind

An imagined version of yourself living happily in an alternate universe is a kind of dead wife

on death row for having an earnest heart

like whatever, yeah, helly doesn’t want to die anymore bc she has something to live for but more than that her suicide attempts were never really about dying. they were only even marginally about escape; they were abt registering injustice AND taking revenge the best way she knew. “I want her to wake up while the life drains out of her and know it was me who did it.” in season 1 helly thinks all oppression starts and ends with her — her body, her consciousness. to fight it she has to turn on herself. then, as her world gets bigger, she adapts. now fighting back could look like a collective, or a true feeling, or bare feet. it’s galvanizing to live so others can, too. it is oddly passive and, ironically, selfish to want to die just to punish your own sorry self. it’s also by that measure one of her most helena eagan traits but nobody wants to talk about that