yo

ive bitten six people so far this year by hiding in the rack of sweaters and lunging when someone reaches out to touch them but the banana republic staff cant put me down cause im an endangered species

#saruman's big artificials vs. gandalf's big naturals

No I think it's really great when a friend group of approximately twenty seven individuals spread out in the sidewalk as they walk so nobody has to walk behind the group. There's nothing better than when I'm trying to get home and I see the tableau of Jesus at the Last Supper gliding towards me like Jamiroquai in the Virtual Insanity music video and I have to decide who has the narrowest frame that I can shoulder-check my way past

teleports into your house for like, a single millisecond in a room that you're currently not in and then leaves

This is what it’s all about. Saturday night. At home. Switching between the same 4 apps on my phone. Getting scared.

I just need a beautiful woman to tell me that my bizarre imitation of human social skills is alluring and sexy

The boss says we need to start hanging out at double efficiency. we need to chill twice as much