after falling behind a bit in my DA2 character positivity posts i’m finally getting around to varric tethras. honestly i had to cut a lot out of this list because he appears in two complete games and gets along with just about everyone so i trimmed it down to stuff relative to his appearance in DA2. so here are some really awesome things about my favorite dwarf companion:
varric is the younger of two brothers, and he was born on the surface in kirkwall after his family was banished from orzammar. as a result he’s really not much into dwarven culture.
varric gives a nickname to every companion with the exception of hawke, aveline, and the inquisitor. when aveline brings this up, he suggests calling her “red” which she dismisses as too common.
however, varric can give hawke a nickname in the mark of the assassin dlc depending on their personality type. blue hawke is “waffles”, purple hawke is “chuckles”, and red hawke is “killer.”
if varric is not in the party and hawke gets in a fight at the hanged man, varric will join the brawl and help hawke alongside isabela.
the hanged man is varric’s favorite place in kirkwall.
varric hates the outdoors:
“Oh hey, nature. I’ve heard about this. Thought it was just a rumor.”
varric plays diamondback with hawke’s dog:
Varric: You know, you play diamondback better than my cousin Vidar.Â
Varric: You wag your tail whenever you have a good hand, though. Might want to watch that.
Hawke: Is it brilliant or horrible that you play diamondback with my dog? (humorous) / It’s a short tail. I’m sure nobody notices. (diplomatic) / He doesn’t take well to having his flaws pointed out. (aggressive)
Varric: All I’m saying is, he’d be up more than two sovereigns if he watched his tells.
Varric: My Uncle Emmet has a whole pack of rat terriers who play every week.
Varric: They’re a cutthroat bunch. You’ve got a long way to go to be their quality.
Varric: Now don’t take it bad—you’re still better than Anders.
Varric: Coming to the Hanged Man later?
varric runs a spy network that he uses to keep his friends—particularly anders and merrill—safe.
Varric: Daisy, for my sake, please quit cutting through the alleys in Lowtown alone at night.
Merrill: Nothing ever happens. I’m perfectly safe, Varric.
Varric: Yes, I know. And that nothing is costing me a fortune.
he plays cards with fenris, anders, and donnic.
he also invites carver out for drinks at the hanged man.
varric will tell fenris that the hanged man got its name because they used to hang men there by their feet.
varric will ask fenris and anders about the smutty details of their relationship with hawke so he can put it in his book later.
he also writes smutty friendfiction with isabela:
Isabela: Psst. I’ve got some of it written down now.
Varric: “Her breasts strained against the leather jerkin like two wild stallions corralled against their will.” (Chuckles)
Varric: “She pounced—the smooth moves of a jungle cat—and locked her thighs around Donnic’s waist. He—”
(If Aveline is in the party)Aveline: What?
Varric: Isabela just thought she’d celebrate your love affair with a… written dedication.
Isabela: It’s “friend-fiction!” I do it out of love.
Aveline: I will never, ever be clean again.
if hawke is in a romance with merrill, varric bribes the gardeners in hightown to keep quiet because she constantly trespasses and steals their flowers.
varric is an extremely forgiving person, especially with bartrand.
varric will side with hawke regardless if they side with mages or templars, and this is due to the fact that he doesn’t have a strong opinion on them either way.
he is also arguably hawke’s most loyal companion—so much so that he even lies to the inquisition about hawke’s whereabouts to keep them safe.
if varric is taken along during the legacy dlc, he is one of three companions who will comfort anders when he hears corypheus’s voice—the other two being isabela and bethany.
as everyone knows varric considers hawke his best friend, and they have some of the most amazing banter:
Hawke: I’d like to know who this “Corypheus” is. With a name like that, I know he’s bound to go “Muahaha” at some point, I just know it. And really? More blood? Why can’t it ever be spit or a lock of hair?
Varric: You really want to encounter a spit mage?
Hawke: For variety, sure.
Hawke: I’m surprised you agreed to come, Varric. You hate being underground and you avoid the Carta the same way you do the Merchant Guild.
Varric: There’s no way I’d miss watching you make these motherless nug-lickers cry. If you wanna punch a few stalagmites on the way there, that’s good too.
varric is also the world’s greatest hypeman for hawke:
Cassandra: Varric, does Hawke ever autograph books?
Varric: Why? Doesn’t your copy of the “Tale of the Champion” have a big hole in it?
Cassandra: Yes… but it could also have Hawke’s signature on it.
Cassandra: Hawke’s taller than I imagined.
Varric: …cough. That’s the first thing you said to him/her isn’t it?
Cassandra: Not the first thing.
Varric: Tell you what Seeker. Next time you make me tell a story at knife-point I’ll make the hero sound taller.
despite the fact that varric is connected, he doesn’t spread rumors about hawke and their LI. however, isabela is the only LI who wants him to spread rumors for fun.
varric gets along with just about everyone and seriously has some of the best banters with each of the companions:
Varric: So a human, an elf, and a dwarf walk into a bar…
Anders: The human says, “You’re lucky you’re so short. That hurt like mad!”
Varric: You could have just stopped me, Blondie.
Anders: Why waste a perfectly good set-up?
Varric: So what do you do in that gigantic house all day?
Fenris: Dance, of course.
Fenris: I run from room to room, choreographing routines.
Varric: You’re actually joking. Alert the Chantry! They need to put this on the calendar!
Fenris: And you thought I was always serious.
Isabela: Come to me, and I’ll take you to places you’ve never been…
Varric: Isabela… Are you talking to Bianca?
Isabela: I think she deserves to feel a woman’s touch on her trigger, don’t you?
Varric: Bianca responds to my touch. She’d never give it up for you.
Isabela: That’s what they always say, and I always prove them wrong.
Varric: Stop it. You’re confusing her. And me.
varric is on such good terms with anders that anders will try to give him his mother’s pillow, which is the only thing he has left of his family before he went to the circle.
varric is also one of the few companions who tries to comfort anders post dissent.
varric later becomes viscount of kirkwall and returns to the city to attend to matters with hawke.
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