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@astarrypineapple

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good omens more like oh my god ohym ggod my heart
i’ve heard a lot of people talk about the EXCELLENT potential of a high intelligence/low wisdom dnd character (i.e. an brilliant academic who keeps setting their dumb ass on fire because they always store their wand in their back pocket)
but i’ve not seen any posts about the equal potential of a high wis/low int character (i.e. someone incredibly perceptive who gives deep and meaningful reassurance to their friends and then 5 minutes later asks what a can opener is)
the wildest thing happened to me the other day i found out a male coworker is into irish music so i told him that my dad is an irish musician and would he like to come to a session and he straight up irl said to me “name 5 irish songs your dad knows”
he asked me if i play and i told him i played the fiddle when i was a teenager but havent played in years and he was like “oh cool. i play drums” as in a drum kit you know the famously folkish instrument the drum kit. bitch my name is molly o'reilly you really wanna challenge the legitimacy of my irish music involvement
i can name 5 songs with my name in them
Whenever Hagrid finally decides to retire as Care of Magical Creatures professor you can bet your last knut that Charlie Weasley flies back to England the following week excitedly waving his resume and recommendation letters from no less than two Scamanders and the Minister of Magic, Hermione Granger.
I’m pretty sure he would also have recommendation letters from Rubeus Hagrid, the retiring professor, Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived and a very confusing one from Puddlemere United player, Oliver Wood, saying that he was one of the best Seekers he had ever seen.
Not to mention the fact that he flies back to England not on a broomstick or any other normal form of transportation, but landing on the Hogwarts grounds on the back of the largest dragon anyone has ever seen.
Reblogging again for that last addition.
Charlie: *glides in on a dragon* HELLO HIRE ME
Everyone: What the fuck
Ron: (in the background, mortified) this is normal
Not just any large dragon, either. A huge Norwegian Ridgeback that immediately curls itself around Hagrid’s Hut once Charlie dismounts. And it purrs when Hagrid dodders out of his hut to see what’s going on.
Norbert sneezes some sparks into Hagrid’s beard for old time sake. Hagrid bursts into joyful sobs. “He remembers his mummy! After all these years!”
Charlie: Her name is Norberta, actually. She has had like three clutches of babies-
Hagrid: I´M A GRANDMA?!

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me in the kitchen at 1 am
bby that too much bread
¿ no such thing
ONIONS!!!!!!!!!!
thank you, anon, for providing me with an opportunity to share with tumblr a truly excellent article on the subject:
and it continues in this thoroughly excellent vein. i highly recommend you all read it from start to finish. 20/10. finally some good fucking food journalism
“Layers of Deceit”
I AM DEAD
I too have read this and recommend this article
French 19th Century Snake Bracelet. Gold, Pearl and Diamond.
This is literally just a Bart Simpson prank
he was on his way to a job interview

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i love watching actors pretend to drink from empty cups. they can’t do it. it’s like they never drank anything in real life. doesn’t matter if they went to julliard or yale or have an egot or played hamlet on the west end. time traveling? fighting aliens? finding seth rogen attractive? no problem. but give them an empty cup and gravity fights against them. their imagination has limits.
Jeff Goldblum is a gift
I don’t know what is the wildest bit about this; Jeff Goldblum’s tweet, or the fact that Mark Hamill apparently liked it
Mark Hamill is the one who freed him
Waterfalls on the beach before sunset
mwhellams
bruce: finally, someone who understands !!! isn’t sharing your mind and body with a monster the worst???? it’s ruined my life and i want to die.
eddie, who came so hard from venom slithering up into his asshole that he went blind for like twenty minutes this morning:
#this post > the entire mcu
im havinfv a stroke
i thought it was about bRuce wAYNE and it sent me
canon heavily suggests that angus one day becomes as strong as magnus so remember that.
Angus, now in his early twenties, picking up Taako so he can’t have a cat fight with another wizard: Sir please we’re in public.
People aren’t reblogging this version which is a travesty

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man this has been said before by cleverer folks than me, but sometimes you have to sit down and let the sheer size and age of the storytelling tradition just completely overwhelm you, ja feel?
like— think for a second about how mind-bogglingly incredible it is that we know who osiris is? that somebody just made him up one day, and told stories about him to their kids, and literally thousands and thousands of years later we are still able to go “there was a god whose brother cut him into pieces”, it’s so arbitrary, it’s so incredible
that in talking about scheherazade and her husband, you are doing something that someone in every single generation has done since it was written— you are telling stories that have lasted an impossible amount of time
can you conceive of telling a story, and then traveling into the future and hearing that same story told— with alterations, and through media that you could not possibly conceive of, but your story— in the year 3214?
the fact that we! as a species! have been telling the same damn stories for so long— the fact that we’ve seen homer’s troy and chaucer’s troy and shakespeare’s troy and troy with fucking brad pitt because we never fucking stop telling stories! never ever ever!
we never stop caring about stories, or returning to the same stories, or putting our own spins on stories. we never stop talking about the characters as if they were real, or asking what happened next, or asking to hear it again.
generation after generation, they never ever ever stop mattering to us.