Ask Jennie - Advice Blog

Just remember, you don’t need to make a career out of an activity for it to be an important part of your life. Whether you become a full-time illustrator, draw and illustrate as a side hustle, or only ever draw as a hobby, it sounds like you would be happier and less regretful if you made some space in your life to pursue illustrating in some capacity.

Please read my FAQ on seeking help with your mental health! 

No, I don’t think it’s strange. His brother has offered his support, and you’re reaching out for his support at a time where you’re probably going through a lot of stress. I hope that you are able to build a support system that doesn’t just rely on one person - maybe searching for communities of other pregnant people or single mothers in your area - but right now, I think it’s pretty fair that you’re seeking comfort from someone who is available to you. It’s great that he wants to be a part of your and your baby’s life, and I hope he continues to be a positive source of support for you. 

It’s great that you’ve been able to draw and write and do meaningful things during the pandemic, but it’s also okay to be burnt out and need to rest. If resting for long periods of time worsens your depression, are you able to find a balance during your day? For example, carving out an hour or two a day to rest and recharge and do nothing, before going back to activities that keep you busy? Alternating more brain-intensive activities like writing with activities you find more relaxing, like going for a walk or reading a book? Self-care is really important, and it’s okay to cut yourself some slack. If keeping busy is important for your mental health, then keep pushing yourself to do those activities you enjoy, but make sure you’re taking breaks for your mental health as well.

I would keep alerting the police/county to the situation - from anecdotes I’ve heard from friends, it can take a lot of persistence and repeated reports for anything to be resolved. And consider buying some soundproofing panels, at least for the walls closest to your neighbours. I don’t know a lot about how to effectively soundproof a house, but for your own sanity, maybe it’s time to do some research. 

Here are my general tips on how to make new friends!  I know that making friends across a cultural difference can be more challenging, and the principle is still the same - start conversations, and find common interests. You can’t guarantee that a new friend will stay your friend forever, and of course it’s a risk that if you open yourself up to interacting with people, you’ll probably encounter some racists. But if you want to make friends, you need to take some risk so that you can find those people who will like the person who you are.

No, I don’t personally believe in fate. If you have lived in the same town, it’s not that unlikely that you would go to the same school or have mutual friends. However, hopefully my lack of belief in fate doesn’t have any impact on whether you have a chance with him or not! 

Hoping that someone will one day date you isn’t a healthy foundation of a close friendship. If you still enjoy his company even though you’re not romantically involved, that’s fine. But if the only reason you want to stay good friends with him is that maybe one day he’ll be attracted to you, that’s not really a good friendship in the first place. It’s okay to get some space from him if being around him isn’t making you happy right now.

I agree that he is not the one you should talk to about this - if you’re able to without your boyfriend intercepting, you need to alert other trusted people in your life that you are in danger. Please contact a relationship abuse helpline (here’s my list of helpline resources) for more support in keeping yourself safe. 

If you want a real relationship, you need to be yourself and show who you are, not a ‘perfect boyfriend material’ persona. If you want to get to know her, get to know her! Start a conversation, ask her questions, tell her about yourself. If it seems like you’re getting closer, be honest about how you feel, ask her out. You don’t know for sure if you’re compatible right now, but you won’t find out unless you spend time together being your authentic selves. 

If you’re making assumptions about the kind of people who go to your college, try to keep an open mind about the people you meet. Remember that you’re not the only student in the school who factored personal circumstances into their college decision! Some people will be there based on their high school grades (which is not a particularly accurate measure of someone’s intelligence), some will be there based on their financial situation, some will be there because they want to stay close to home for whatever reason, some will be there because believe it or not, they actually like the school, and most people will be there for a combination of reasons. Avoid treating your peers like ‘stupid party animals’, and treat them as fellow people who made the decision to come to your school based on a variety of factors. You’re not better or worse than anyone because of the colleges you get into.

- Jennie

Sometimes we hold onto thoughts and memories and feelings for someone very hard, because we miss the person, or the kind of relationship we had with them. That’s understandable, but it makes it difficult to move on when we need to move on. You may need to start making a conscious effort to retrain your brain, by distracting yourself with other thoughts and activities and people whenever your thoughts start drifting towards this guy. Your feelings will fade with time, but sometimes you need to give yourself a push in the right direction! Please read my FAQ on how to get over someone for more advice.

Oops, I have fixed it!