Ask A Narcissist

My pronouns are they/he, I'm 21 years old, diagnosed with ASD, medically recognized with DID and suspect to have PPD, NPD + AvPD (NPD has been verbally confirmed by a professional before).

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You may submit:

Asks about me or my own experience with NPD

General asks to which anyone with NPD (traits) may answer

Polls for pw/NPD (traits) to answer.

It is allowed to specify who exactly is addressed (for example "people with NPD + *other disorder*").

Asks can be anonymous or signed. Make sure to turn on anon if wanted, as else I'll post them as they are (if you genuinely forget, you can ask me to not post it/take it down if it's already posted, that's fine).

I will not keep track of anon sign-offs.

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I will not be posting asks that stigmatize and demonize my disorder, this isn't the place for that. That doesn't mean that I will try to make myself look like a saint (I'm not), it just means that this is not the place to vent about your "narcissistic ex / parent" etc. and call abuse tactics symptoms of NPD.

If you genuinely want to learn, you are free to follow and do so.

That being said, this is primarily a personal blog, not an educational one.

I also can and will not diagnose you or tell you if something aligns with NPD. I can however say whether or not I experience it as well. If you suspect to have NPD, please seek professional help.

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DNI:

Pro-contact paras

Radqueers/TransIDs

Anyone who discriminates others lol

Those who believe in *insert disorder* abuse (for example narcissistic abuse) and are not here to learn about what NPD actually is

Endos/Polyminds and generally those who believe DID can be nontraumagenic

List may be expanded if needed

Honestly just be a decent person and you're good

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Posts are sorted in the following tags:

not ask a narc: anything unrelated to the main purpose of this account

ask me: anything that I get asked specifically (you're still allowed to answer but for the sake of orderliness I'm making it a separate tag)

ask a narc: everything that's open for others to answer (either in comments or in reblogs, both are fine)

narc polls: all polls

reblogs: self explanatory

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That's it for now. I hope that people even see this lol

Contrary even, I likely wouldn't be able to go through with it even if I wanted to. I have an extreme survival instinct that can't be shaken. Even if I were to vegetate around with no will to continue living, eventually I'd get back up even if I don't want to.

Before I begin with this post, I want to clarify that a lot of this can and will sound very insensitive and invalidating. It's meant to do that, to give an insight into the uglier parts of this disorder instead of trying to talk them pretty. It doesn't mean I treat real people according to my inner thoughts and feelings.

This is sharing of personal thoughts with active reality checking of myself in the background, not an attempt to make others believe that my view is how reality works (because it is not, it is instead quite harmful and I have to work on unlearning it).

If you think you cannot handle that, please refrain from reading this post. I do not intend to trigger anyone, hence the warning, it is your responsibility to decide whether or not you can deal with this heavy topic.

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For a very long time I have not reflected on this topic because it had no relevance to me. I have never been suicidal and likely never will be. The only times I've ever felt "suicidal" were less suicidality and more extreme emotions that I felt were unbearable and needed an immediate end to them. Those instances were relatively short and didn't return afterwards. So I can say that I don't experience actual suicidality.

This puts me into a position where I have never experienced a suffering that others do experience. In my mind, that makes me stronger, more adapted. Survival is strength to me, suicide is viewed as failure and as weak.

Generally, I view many things about my experience as "being better adapted to survive" rather than anything else. Even if they are symptoms of disorders I have. I take pride in what reduces my suffering, mechanisms that others don't have.

Back to the topic, though.

I have found myself (mentally) belittling those who experience suicidality. I have found myself disgusted with the idea that people I like are this "weak".

At the same time I reality check myself with the fact that if I were to live their lives, I'd likely be worse off than just suicidal. Since I wouldn't ever go through with it anyway. I would just exist in constant suffering with no way out.

Compared to my life, their lives are a lot worse. Yet, I don't see myself capable of understanding how someone's survival instinct, that every human being is born with, can just turn off like that. Isn't that the one thing that we have in common with every other species? Our unbreakable will to survive, to persevere, that comes from deep within? How can that just break and disappear?

I take so much pride in survival, in endurance and resilience. How do others not? Do they not have this pride? What is wrong with them?

I guess that's why it is a symptom of illness. An illness I will never fall victim to, because of the way I think and feel.

During my time in the mental health system and the community I have met so many people who dealt with suicidality or have dealt with it in the past, while sometimes struggling with the same things as me (including other narcissists). It confuses me and reinforces my belief that somehow I am just above all that, they are all susceptible to this illness and I am not.

Suicidality is a strange concept to me. I don't think I will ever be able to truly understand it because I don't feel it. I wonder if that puts me into a position of privilege, or if that is too far fetched to say. Since after all, the presentation of my disorder is the reason for my lack of susceptibility to suicidality. Being healthy isn't the reason. Can I be privileged when my privilege still hurts me in other ways? Since having NPD isn't exactly easy. Does this even connect to privilege at all, or am I overthinking how other people perceive those who don't struggle with something?

I think I'm getting off topic. But I also think I've explained my view pretty well. Not much to add.

Hello!

Sorry that it took me so long to get back to this question, my private life has been/still is quite busy so I was less active here.

I haven't actually paid that much attention to that for most media I've consumed and/or I don't even remember most media I consume unless they become a hyperfixation. So this list is very short.

From the top of my head, I'd say that Tony Stark from the MCU and Vox from Hazbin Hotel strike me as having NPD (and Tony was even described as a textbook narcissist in Natasha Romanoff's analysis so I reckon it's canon). I am still wondering whether or not Loki Laufeyson from the MCU may have NPD (traits), I'm not sure yet, but given that he is a character I have related to for a very long time for NPD related things, I would headcanon him to have at minimum traits of the disorder.

I'm probably biased because the MCU is my current hyperfixation, but from what I remember, Tony and Loki are currently my favourite examples for NPD representation.

And that's also it because I don't remember more. Most NPD characters I know are my own OCs that are based on my own experiences with the disorder and my own comorbidities that affect how it presents, and that doesn't really count.

I'm sorry that I can't give more examples.

Pw/NPD, feel free to answer this one even if I myself was asked here, since I don't believe my experience is necessarily the perfect example.

Hmm, I don't really need empathy to consider a person important to myself. I hardly feel any empathy at all, and I do care about my friends, in the sense that I will want them to be doing well and that I want to spend time with them.

I believe that I want this for my own interest primarily because when someone is not important to me, I don't even speak to them (I can be very happy alone), but when someone is important to me, it is because they can give me something I want.

I don't know if that is because of my combination of symptoms (as dissociation and other disorders can affect this) or if this is just generally an NPD thing.

So yeah, for me, wanting to spend time with people is usually self serving, but I acknowledge that and try to do more than just what benefits me (so sometimes I force myself out of my comfort zone and spend time with someone when I couldn't care less, because I know the person needs my presence, likes me, etc., and I care enough to not want to lose them over not providing that when I very obviously could).

I don't know if I have ever in my life experienced true care for another person. A few years ago I would've said yes, today I would say that this wasn't care but instead worry about how something could affect my life (I used to be very bad at understanding the source of my emotions and defaulted to what other people would call them).

I have however also maintained one friendship over 5+ years without making the person feel like I don't care about them (I don't know how I managed that, gonna be honest), I have even communicated that if they don't feel any care from me, it's because I can't feel or express it but they are still important to me (once I had figured out that that's how it works for me).

And then again, the little things like offering help, offering to listen, they still make a person feel cared for even if I myself only manage to view it as a chore. I do it anyway if someone is important to me because I want the person to feel good around me, to like me, and to stay.

Sorry, this answer is a bit messy and I'm not sure if I fully managed to get to the core of your question, feel free to follow-up on it if something wasn't clear.