what is the funniest thing i've ever said

I CAN’T BREATHE

Trees live underground and use the above-ground part as a snorkel.

I fucking guess

oh my god..a bread boy 

a crime of passion

please princess™… i require your stability and happiness

This isn’t even satire anymore

i went to an art gallery for the first time yesterday and there was a long ass monkey on the floor and now i feel cursed

The comraderie

When your kitty wants to be an outdoor cat but you live in a second floor apartment

rapunzel 2.0

these leopard pants

:O :V :U

What was the point of shutting down the government if a verbal promise to vote on DACA was the best you were gonna settle for

What literally is the fucking point in being the opposition party in a Republican controlled government where the president is highly unpopular and the Congress is so divided they need your votes to pass a necessary appropriation bill and you can’t even eke out one political concession to resolve a problem created by the president in the first place