Something random is going on here

He lives at the Governor’s mansion on St. Helena island in the South Atlantic. (The final resting place of Napoleon Bonaparte.) He spends his days hanging out on a perfectly manicured lawn with his best friend Fred and his mate Emma. 

Here is a pic of him (left) as a young whippersnapper in 1886.

Jonathan might not look a day over 129, but he is not completely immune to the aging process. He has lost most of his vision due to cataracts. His hearing is still pretty good and he really enjoys listening to people playing tennis. 

Despite his advanced age Jonathan is still a sex machine. His handlers say his libido is quite strong to this day. Here he is posting a thirst trap to Instagram. 

After he uses his powers of seduction he’ll get busy with Emma. 

Or Fred.

Did I mention the world’s oldest tortoise is bisexual? 

Nothing says historical science like totally arbitrary value judgments, so now that we know what yales are, it’s time to get evaluating!

Lack of tusks keeps this yale from being a top contender, but it is demonstrating a classic horn rotation technique. Safe, but boring. 6/10

Shifty. Not entirely sure this isn’t just a wildebeest with prosthetics. 3/10

These yales are so clearly gearing up for a twin swap and/or mistaken identity based comedy of errors that it feels wrong to separate them. Their horns may be too long to be practical, but they’re having fun, and I love the snoot on the bottom one. 8/10

Every time I make these lists there’s at least one animal that looks like it’s actively trying to die of scurvy. This particular specimen has never voluntarily consumed water and will crumble away to dust if a butterfly so much as flaps its wings nearby. 2/10

Despite not having hair or glasses, this yale give the impression that it’ll let its mane down and get contacts just in time for the big dance. There’s a less than zero chance of it singing a wistful ballad with the help of that bird. 7/10

A scoundrel & a ruffian. Bonus points for being the only entrant smart enough to scratch its own back. 5.5/10

The artist has forgotten to give this yale horns, but it does have two different kinds of feet. 10/10, I would pay to see it run.

Crashes on your couch, eats all the apples in your house & your neighbours’ houses, keeps pausing netflix to explain why its own spec script is better. Has been banned from open mic nights in 5 different cities.  4/10

Look, I can’t possibly evaluate this objectively. All I know is that I love it, and I’m so excited for my new life where it follows me wherever I go, filling the shadows with the sound of creaking ice and leaving debris from long forgotten shipwrecks on my doorstep. 1͉̙̟̒̒̚̚͜00̢̗̳̐̇̔͗͜0͇̥͛͋0̛̪̪̅00̨͉̫͆̽̃͛͜0̛̹̫̔ /10

(The arms of John of Gaunt, father of the Beaufort, from a Book of Hours)

(Arms of John Beaufort, Duke of Somerset, from his Garter plate in St. George’s Chapel)

(Arms of Margaret Beaufort, flanked by a Lancastrian rose and a Beaufort portcullis, over the doors of St. John’s College, Cambridge, which she founded)

jasmine; what mythical creature do you wish actually existed?

lavender; soundcloud or vinyls?

primrose; what book does everyone right now need to read?

lunar mist; do you like wearing other people’s shirts/jackets?

bird of paradise; what was the best thing that happened to you this month?

gardenia; what’s a promise you’ve recently made to yourself?

lion’s fairytale; would you rather be the sky, the ocean or the forests?

whirling butterflies; would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

marmalade skies; do you plan your outfits?

apricot drift; how do you feel right now?

everlasting daisy; what’s the last dream you remember having?

queen’s cup; what are you craving right now?

lavender dream; turn ons/offs?

water lilly; when was the last time you cried? why?

lily of the valley; did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize?

winterberry; do you bite or lick your ice cream?

honey perfume; favorite movie ever?

desert rose; do you like yourself?

snapdragon; have you ever met or seen in person a celebrity?

night owl; how many countries have you visited?

heliotrope; have you ever been in a castle?

creams and sky; what’s the craziest/bravest thing you’ve done?

lantana; what’s on your mind right now?

pumpkin patch; what’s your zodiac sign?

tulip; name 5 facts about yourself.

daphne; do you believe in karma?

queen of the meadow; ever been in love?

wisteria; whom do you admire and why?

angel’s face; what was your favorite bedtime story as a child?

remember me; did you make someone laugh today?

iris; do you believe in ghosts?

lilac; if you could go back in time which time period would you visit?

caramel kisses; would you want to live forever? why/why not?

primula; what makes you sad?

rain lily; was today typical? why/why not?

queen anne’s lace; who do you trust the most?

lady’s slipper; what did you have for breakfast today?

forget me not; do you have any regrets looking back in your life?

lunaria; what’s your favorite fictional universe?

violet; favorite tv show?

sunflower; share a favorite quote.

snowdrop; what does your ideal day look like?

tiger lily; do you have any hobbies?

peony; share a small random book passage that means something to you.

tea rose; what’s something you always wanted to do but were too scared?

honeysuckle; do you usually date people your age or older/younger?

sweet pea; who means the world to you? why?

love in the mist; best books you’ve ever read?

foxglove; who is your favorite cartoon character?

magnolia; coffee or tea?

crown imperial; would you rather be extremely rich or extremely loved?

snowflake; are you a dog or a cat person?

bell flower; what is your biggest addiction?

cosmos; do you ever think about the galaxy?

moonflower; what’s your favorite color?

freesia; do you have a good relationship with your parents and siblings? why/why not?

sundrop; are you a morning or a night person?

poppy; have you ever dealt with a mental illness?

clover; how would your friends describe you?

dandelion; do you consider yourself and extrovert or an introvert?

lilly; what’s something you love watching/reading but you are too embarrassed to admit you do?

anemone; describe yourself in 3 words.

lotus; best memory as a child?

angelonia; what is your eye and hair color?

dahlia; do you like crystals?

buttercup; if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?

baby’s breath; what’s your hogwarts house?

calendula; biggest pet peeve?

blanker flower; would you rather go to a cocktail party with your best friends or stay home and read a book/watch a movie with your pet?

blazing star; share a secret.

carnation; would you rather live longer or happier?

petunia; who’s story is your biggest inspiration in life? why?

bluebell; do you wear glasses?

nymphea; forest or river?

orchid; do you like exercise?

pansy; do you like poetry?

180503 // Multitasking is out ;) I used to work on different projects simultaneously, because I somehow thought it would be more efficient and time-saving. While working on one project after another without distraction, I’m feeling more focused and it raises my creative thinking. Also since I’ve implemented single tasking, I feel less exhausted after finishing my last point on my to-do-list, so even if you feel like saving time, the energy that is spent wiser is a ressource of yours which is as important as time. 

Here are my other posts on self improvement :) get inspired