Ink & Arsenic

And now, when I find myself making the mistake of going on Instagram, I get to see trans men themselves talking about how historically, trans men didn't do anything for the community, and so we need to step up now. Which, first of all, that isn't true, but second of all, if trans men's contributions are lesser, that makes a lot of sense if we listen to that trans woman talking about the trans men she was in community with back in the day. It's very hard to advance the trans cause if you're not alive.

Some sources for those who may not know:

Steve Dain, whose public transition led to him being fired from his job as a teacher. Trans men in the Bay Area would go on a pilgrimage to meet when when they started their transition.

Jamison Green, who took over FTM International and it's newsletter after Lou's death

Reed Erickson, who used his inherited wealth to bankroll early LGBT movements (and also did other wild rich people shit). His foundation "helped to support, both through direct financial contributions and through contributions of human and material resources, almost every aspect of work being done in the 1960s and 1970s in the field of transsexualism in the US and, to a lesser degree, in other countries."

Alexander John Goodrum, who founded TGNet Arizona and helped pass Tuscon's nondiscrimination ordinance. In 2001 he wrote "Gender, Identity Politics, and Eating Our Own," an essay on infighting in the trans community.

Rupert Raj, who started some of Canada's earliest trans advocacy organizations

Kylar Broadus, the first openly trans person to testify before the Senate

Pauli Murray also deserves more recognition; he was a Black feminist legal scholar who did invaluable work for the Civil Rights Movement. He never transitioned, having lived much of his life before trans (and especially FTM) treatment was standardized and accessible. He was labeled schizophrenic by doctors for seeking testosterone and testing to see if he was intersex, to explain his gender identity.

To begin, because this is the reason I'm making this post: yes! Deer do, in fact, pin their ears back when they feel threatened, or as an aggressive display. Here is an example of what that looks like for Alastor.

Note how angular the shape language is, with a sharp bend at the top of the ear. This creates a sense of tension, especially when paired with the hunched posture. This is not a happy deer.

With that established! Let's proceed.

The ears of a happy deer will be relaxed. They may droop, lie flat, or move independently of each other. This deer is paying attention to his left side, but he is calm and comfortable.

Let me repeat that. The ears of a happy deer may lie flat.

The ears here are laid back, but they are gently tapered from base to tip. They are not pressed to the skull, and the overall body language is relaxed. This deer. Is fine. He is not upset. He is not bothered by what's going on, or what's being said. He is not annoyed by Vox imitating him. A brief touch to the shoulder draws his eyes down, but there is no other reaction. If he dislikes it, it's a momentary irritant that doesn't ruin his mood.

Want to know something else laid-back ears can indicate, specifically in a social context? Search images of "deer showing affection". You will get so many laid-back ears. At worst, Alastor is comfortable with Vox, in spite of the touching, and it would not be a stretch to suggest that he enjoys his company.

Ears upright but still relaxed. This deer appears mildly interested, but not bothered. He offers no reaction at all to being touched this time, maintaining the above posture and ear angle both before and after.

Ears upright but no longer relaxed, accompanied by a slight growl. A line has been crossed. This deer is no longer comfortable, and may take action to escape the unpleasant situation if it persists.

From the moment Vox proposes a partnership, ears upright becomes Alastor's default for the rest of the scene. Which might not seem noteworthy because that's their default position anyway, but it hasn't been their default for this scene. The ears of a happy deer are relaxed, and they move freely; rigidly upright indicates alertness and alarm. There is a non-zero chance that this deer is having a crisis over a label being put on his relationship.

Socially speaking, ears up is also a display of dominance. Which is doubtless the interpretation Alastor would prefer, and a valid one considering he spends the rest of the scene verbally tearing Vox apart.

Just compare Alastor in season 1 to Alastor in season 2. The way he interacts with almost all of the other hotel members. Always maintaining a show of poise and power, posture erect, chest out, projecting an indifferent or unreadable expression. He is vague, indirect, polite but impersonal. 

The only major exceptions to this are either when he is around Mimzy or Niffty, or, if he is using the appearance of affection for the benefit of manipulation. Even then though his posture and appearance is rigid and clearly insincere.  

Now compare that to season 2 as soon as Vox shows up. Almost immediately pretense falls, he doesn’t need to play the role of the perfect hotel host or the scary Radio Demon. It’s just Vox. 

It’s the first time that he can just say what he wants and do what he wants because Vox already has seen all these facets of Alastor. He knows who the guy is and Alastor already knows he has Vox’s respect and admiration. What’s the point of overselling his persona bullshit?

It literally gives the feeling of Alastor, the professional out in public vs. Alastor who is coming home at the end of the day and can finally let loose. 

He shows his anger, his annoyance, his fear, his displeasure, his obvious discomfort around Vox. Even in Season 2 during his confrontation with Lucifer, despite how angry and uncomfortable he was he HAD to maintain the perception of control.

Where with Vox, he doesn't care if he shows any level of vulnerability. In part because he doesn't need Vox's respect or to pretend he's superior to him (he already knows he is). But also because it's Vox. The two have 70 years worth of history. There's a familiarity there that breeds easeful rapport whether either would care to admit it.

The fact that Alastor feels comfortable enough around Vox to even lose his shit. In Season 1 during the infamous "Fuck you" scene between Alastor and Lucifer, Alastor despite his rage is still trying to maintain a semblance of control over the situation. His posture his straight, his ears are pointed forward, he isn't allowing himself to physically show his unhappiness in his face or form.  

But in season 2 we see a moment where Alastor genuinely is telling someone, "I hate when you do that! That thing you do actually upsets me and pushes my buttons!" Yeah, it's funny and it makes Vox look like a creep, but it is also one of the few instances of Alastor showing vulnerability and admitting to someone else that their behavior actually got under his skin. 

I can't think of a single other instance in which Alastor has willing admitted out loud that someone actually got to him. Especially not in public in front of an entire audience.

cuz Alastor knew it was not vox who was weak, it was Alastor.

"I respected you." Alastor had said to Vox.

vox who was free and full of ideas, who was not held by chains like Alastor, who was not afraid of Alastor. Vox, who did not made a deal with devil for power, who earned and worked for his position in hell.

Vox who would know of Alastor's weakness, and underestimate him, call him out for what he truly was. Dependent.

You can see it in his face here. He is bracing himself for what he will have to do, convincing himself that it is necessary to push vox away before he ends up more dependent than he already is. He enjoyed (loved?) vox's company more than anyone's in this forsaken place but he don't want to trust vox, can't afford to trust Vox.

It's like Alastor is disappointed that Vox would bring them in a situation, forcing him to put a distance between them.

" Why you? Out of everyone, why is it you."

Something about manners and social roles and expectations and rituals. About how she knows him better than anyone else. The dance they’ve danced a thousand times, and she knows all of his boundaries, to respect when he’s earned it and push them when he gets out of line. Nothing healthy in the world about either of them but they can roleplay a domestic couple better than anyone else.

And Alastor was a mama’s boy, and Rosie is a freak, and Alastor’s brand of respecting women tends to be degrading to them (likely unbeknownst to him) so I find it all too fitting for Rosie to turn the tables. Auntie Rosie, Mama Rosie. Something very pseudo-maternal in the way she chastises him and demands his manners.

And don’t get me started on the cannibalism, and Alastor’s sadomasochism paired with her love of humiliating and degrading him, and everyone is always saying cannibalism as a metaphor for sex and love but I hear CRICKETS when I’m searching for cannibalism in lieu of it.

The intimacy of deals and soul ownership and Alastor answering her every beck and call. His attitude and particularness and hyperindependence, and she’s so familiar with it all that she knows all the right places to hit to make it hurt. Not even to hurt, really, but just to scold and correct, to set her prized boy on track.