Hotel cast, the Vees, and Heaven cast, they have to work together and can't use powers, who's more likely to win a cooking show?
I was fully not prepared for where that was going, lol.
Okay, so I had to look up how competitive, team-based cooking shows actually work. Because there is only one that I've seen enough episodes of to remember anything, and I don't know how representative it is of cooking shows in general.
So let's assume there are a few rounds, that the expected cuisine is stereotypical upper class restaurant, and that the judges are all food snobs. That seems to be the standard setup for shows that aren't themed around a specific kind of food.
Now the teams. The hotel crew is the biggest by far, so I'm going to resurrect Adam and give Heaven Sir Pentious just to balance things out a little (I could also give Angel Dust to the Vees, but I am going to be nice and not do that). So if my math is right, and including Baxter because it seems he's being counted as part of the main cast going forward, that's... nine for the hotel crew, six for Heaven, and three for the Vees. This is multiples of three and very satisfying.
The hotel crew has the advantage of numbers, and they have Alastor, whom Word of God has labeled a foodie and is probably the best cook of the entire cast. However, that one cooking show I've actually seen is, very appropriately, Hell's Kitchen. Larger teams mean more egos, and the hotel crew also has Lucifer. He and Alastor will fight the entire time. Vaggi will take over and try to get them working at separate stations, but that just means the hotel gets divided between Alastor claiming Niffty as his helper, Lucifer claiming Charlie, Angel, Cherri, and Baxter are trying to do everything else, and Husk just doesn't want to be there (was not grabbed by Alastor because he wasn't deemed useful). Also, this is a high speed, high pressure environment, so Charlie is probably struggling a bit.
Heaven is substantially more functional. Adam is their biggest ego and the others will probably just follow his lead if he acts like he knows what he's doing, so cooperation isn't much of an issue as long as Lute and Pentious are separated. Their biggest disadvantage is that, while Adam strikes me as someone who knows what to do with meat, Pentious is the only one out of all of them who's actually been required to cook in the last few thousand years; Emily probably dabbles for fun, but none of them have had to cook unless they actually wanted to (and even Pentious, whom we see baking in canon, just made cookies both times. Though he was presumably feeding himself in Hell, at least prior to having the Egg Boiz to do his evil cooking, so he can probably do more than that). So they've got desert and entrees covered, but the rest of it is on shakier ground.
The Vees actually have the biggest advantage, despite having the smallest team, because they've been working together for decades, they've demonstrated that they work well together, and they've all had to feed themselves within the last century. None of them strike me as being great cooks, and there are probably more stations than they have people, but they might come out ahead simply by sucking the least.
The hotel crew's kitchen is chaos. Something catches fire. It was probably Charlie (accident) or Cherri (deliberate).
After the first couple rounds, Vaggi has most of them assigned to their own stations and they're all doing a better job of staying out of each other's way.
Alastor and Lucifer continue to act like it's them vs each other and not the hotel vs the other teams. Vaggi exiles both of them from the kitchen more than once.
Adam's idea of leadership is, if he doesn't know how to do something, tell someone else to do it and let them figure it out. Which would be great if anyone else actually knew what they were doing.
Pentious is carrying the team with everything except the meat. He treats it like commanding a battle and basically becomes Heaven's head chef after the first round.
Lute absolutely Will Not do what Pentious says, so she pretty much just helps Adam. She refrains from causing more trouble than that because she and Adam really want to beat the Hell teams.
The Vees go in with a game plan. That plan falls apart halfway through the first round because everything takes longer than expected and they don't have enough people.
Their kitchen is less chaotic than the hotel's because they have a third of the people, but it manages to be just as loud because they're all yelling at each other about stuff not being done.
They do manage to adapt after a couple rounds. This mostly looks like triaging whatever is quickest and easiest to finish while keeping it edible.
Somehow, all three teams are functional by the final round. Mostly in the sense that they all have a clear leader, everyone knows their jobs, and nothing is catching fire anymore.
Heaven wins the first couple rounds purely by virtue of having the most dishes fully and reasonably well prepared. The rest of their food is of questionable edibility.
The Vees are missing a minimum of one dish every single round, but they manage to transition from everything being undercooked to most of it being decent if simple.
Ultimately, the hotel is turning out the most complete dishes with the most consistent quality, largely because they have the most people who at least sort of know how to cook. They don't benefit much from having the best cook.
All of the judges are snobs, so none of them are ever actually impressed. Except maybe by Adam's meat.
I'm going to say the hotel crew probably wins, but it's a struggle. So about what you might expect, really.
